Always
by Evil Willow
Summary: Twenty years from now, something happens which could bring Buffy and Angel back together. But after everything that's happened, does Buffy want Angel back?
1. 1

Title: Always   
Distribution: Anyone who has been given previous  
permission for my fics, my archive this one as well. If you  
don't have previous permission, ask before archiving. I'll  
always say yes, I just like to know where my fic is.  
Rating: R  
Category: Story/Romance/Angst/Humor  
Spoilers: All of the episodes up through Buffy's fourth season  
and Angel's first season are in danger of being spoiled here.  
Mostly general spoilers, but just beware they are in here.  
Keywords: FutureFic  
Couple Pairings: Major pairing will be Buffy/Angel, some  
mentions of Buffy/Riley also.   
Minor couples: Willow/Xander, Cordelia/Wesley  
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon, the WB and  
Fox. I intend no copyright infringement.  
Summary: Twenty years from now, something happens which could bring   
Buffy and Angel back together. But after everything that's happened,   
does Buffy want Angel back?  
Author's Notes: This fic takes place twenty years in the future.  
Season Five of Buffy and Season Two of Angel as we now know it,   
never happened, because I started this fic before those new episodes.   
  
* * = thoughts. _ _ = emphasis = memory  
***************  
L.A.   
Friday 5 pm  
  
  
Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley dove into a nearby building as the   
Scourge marched by.   
  
"This can NOT be happening again," Cordelia said. She looked up at   
the dark storm clouds, praying the storm would last until they could   
get away from the direct sunlight the end of the rainstorm would   
bring. "I'm getting too old for this, Angel," she insisted for not the   
first time that day.  
  
Angel looked over at Cordelia, thinking as he had several times throughout   
the years that she was one of the few humans he'd met who seemed not to age.   
Her dark brown hair was tied back in a pony tail, and she was wearing very anti-demon-slaying clothing, as usual. A black business suit, with a very   
short skirt. Her face was relatively wrinkle free, for being forty, she   
looked at least ten years younger, if not more, in Angel's opinion.   
Other than the fact she currently sported the drowned-rat look, she looked   
amazing as always. But he was nobody to judge that, they all had the   
drowned-rat look at the moment.  
  
He considered her mood. She was tired, but more than that, she was   
obviously remembering the last time they'd gone against this particular   
group of demons. Doyle's death was not something he and Cordelia had talked   
about much over the last twenty years. Hell, not at all, really, in the last   
nineteen. It was as if it were easier on both of them to pretend it hadn't   
happened. And with Wesley around, things had slowly gotten back to the way they   
were before Doyle died.   
  
Angel knew that Cordy was afraid. Afraid of losing another member of   
her family. He wished he could tell her that _wouldn't_ happen, but he didn't   
want to turn out a liar. "Cordy, it'll be okay," he said, keeping   
his statement vague enough so that it would probably end up true.   
Probably.  
  
Cordelia looked over at him. "Yeah, like I don't know what _that_ was   
supposed to mean, Mister," she said, her eyes narrowed.   
  
Angel couldn't help chuckling at her reaction. Cordelia had gotten to   
know him so well, too well he thought at times. She heard what he didn't   
say, as well as what he did. He'd learned how to read her too, though.   
He didn't know what he would've done without Cordelia Chase or Wesley   
Wyndham-Price in his life the past twenty years. They'd both kept him   
from taking a walk in the sun more than once. Sometimes by use of   
physical force.  
  
"Hello, Broodboy, could you save it for later, please?" Cordelia   
snapped him out of his thoughts with a well-timed barb.   
  
Angel just smiled in reply to Cordelia's favorite nickname for him,   
that had endured throughout the years. "So you two ready for this?"   
he asked.   
  
"Define 'this' again," Cordelia requested.  
  
"I'll distract them from arming the weapon, and Wesley will destroy   
it with this," Angel replied, holding up a semi-automatic, courtesy of   
Charles Gunn. He handed the gun to Wesley, who looked none-too-happy   
to be holding it.   
  
"I'm getting too old for this," Wesley repeated Cordelia's earlier words.   
  
"No you're not," Angel said firmly. He remembered then that Wesley   
_was_ fifty years old. Maybe he _was_ getting too old for demon-fighting.   
Angel said, "Wes, I'm sorry. I really don't think sometimes, but if you   
don't think you're up to this--"  
  
"No," Wesley cut him off. "I'm just whining. You should be used to   
that by now," he added, self-deprecatingly.  
  
Angel rolled his eyes, and said, "Fine. Can we go now?" wincing at   
the fact that _he'd_ almost whined at that moment.  
  
"What do I do again?" Cordelia asked with a frown.  
  
"You help me distract them, but try not to get yourself in too much   
trouble," Angel replied.  
  
"And what if we can't stop them from arming it?" Cordelia questioned,   
ignoring Angel's implication that she always got herself into trouble. It   
wasn't always.... It was more like... sometimes.   
  
Angel shrugged. "Let's just hope for the best." He ran off after the   
Scourge, not giving her a chance to reply.   
  
Cordelia muttered, "Great plan," as she and Wesley followed.   
  
************  
Sunnydale Cemetery # 10  
Friday, 5 pm  
  
Buffy walked up to the tombstone, and laid the bouquet of roses at   
the grave. She knelt on the ground, and pulled on the hem of the skirt   
of her black skirt. "Hey," she said. "So, nothing exciting the past   
few days. I'm sorry I haven't been around, but I've been busy   
with Willow and Xander's wedding last week. It was wonderful, I'm   
glad they finally accepted what was meant to be. She never stopped   
loving him, and his feelings didn't change either. I guess..." she   
trailed off. She'd been about to add, "some loves never die," but   
somehow that didn't seem appropriate given her history with love.  
  
"Anyway, I should go," she shrugged. "I miss you, Riley. I know   
sometimes you wondered, but I did love you. Still do." She sighed   
sadly, and stood up. She made the short trip down the row to her   
mother's gravestone.   
  
"Hey, Mom. I wish that I'd made you leave this town for your own good   
a long time ago. I would've liked to see you with white hair. Although   
I never made you a grandmother anyway. I am sorry about that." she sighed.   
"And I can hear you now, 'Now, Buffy. It's not your fault that a demon   
came looking for you one day and found me instead.' Sure Mom. And I'm   
strangely not comforted, regardless of that fact."  
  
  
Fifteen years earlier.   
  
Buffy had gone to visit her mother one Saturday.   
  
"Mom?" Buffy walked into her house, and was hit by the smell of   
death. "Oh no," she said, feeling the panic rise in her heart. "No."   
  
She walked into the kitchen, and found her. Joyce's throat had been   
slit, there was blood all over.   
  
"NO!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
Buffy winced at the memory of that day. "Oh, I didn't tell you; Xander   
and Will got married finally. And I have the strange feeling that wouldn't   
surprise you, would it?" she asked with a smile. "Didn't surprise me either,"   
she shrugged. "Well, I gotta go. We're all getting together for dinner tonight."   
  
She walked back to her house. She and Riley had gotten married a week   
into her Junior year of college, shortly after her mother's death. They'd   
had lived in this house ever since. She walked in, greeting the pet German   
Shepherd, Jack, that Riley had nagged her into getting after they'd been   
married for five years. Jack had served as the substitute child. Buffy   
had wanted children, as had Riley, but they hadn't wanted to bring a baby   
into the world that was theirs. Demons and imminent death was not a   
healthy situation into which to introduce a child. So they'd put off the  
baby. Now Buffy was glad they had. She wouldn't want to have a child without a   
father. Her mom had done that, and while Buffy had admired her for it, she   
also knew first-hand what it did to the kid.  
  
Buffy wasn't surprised to see Giles already in her living room, sitting   
on the couch. "Hey Giles," she said, throwing her purse on a coffee   
table and sitting down next to him. "So Willow nominated you for   
Buffy-duty today?" she teased, smiling over at him.   
  
"I should think not," Giles said with a frown. "We all know you're   
quite capable of taking care of yourself, Buffy. It's been a year."   
Buffy wondered whether he meant "It's been a year, Buffy, we all know   
you've gotten over it." Or, "It's been a year, Buffy, we don't expect   
you to have gotten over it so soon."  
  
Either way, she knew what event he was referring to. She'd lived it,   
once in reality and a thousand times afterward in her nightmares  
  
A year since Dawn, the girl everyone believed was Buffy's sister, had   
betrayed them to the new Master Vampire, letting him into her and   
Riley's house when she was visiting them. A year since Dawn's real   
sister Tara had walked in and put a paralyzing spell on Buffy, so she   
could do nothing more than watch as the Master Vamp tore Riley's   
heart out and ate it. A year since something inside of Buffy had   
snapped, and she'd discovered a power she didn't know she had. A   
power that had helped her break loose of the spell. She'd flown at   
the vampire, enraged at his daring to hurt the man she loved. She'd   
beaten him to a bloody mess, and then staked him, feeling as if it   
wasn't enough somehow. She'd gone to Riley, and held him until the   
ambulance came, even though knowing that it was already too late.   
Tara and Dawn had run off, hopefully never to be seen again, and   
Buffy was grateful that Joyce hadn't lived to see what her   
other "daughter" had done.   
  
After the funeral, Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles had thrown   
themselves into researching the mysterious Tara. Tara was a third-  
generation wiccan, as she'd told Willow, but apparently had been more   
obsessed with the black arts than was healthy. She'd made alliances   
with several forces which had come up against Buffy over the years.   
As best as they could tell, Tara had sent Dawn into their lives,   
enchanting them to believe she was Buffy's sister. Her intent for   
Dawn was most likely to do everything possible to undermine and ruin   
Buffy's plans to defeat the evils of Sunnydale. And the more they   
thought about all the ways Dawn had done just that, the more they   
wondered that she hdn't been found out earlier. Buffy, for one,   
wished she would've figured it out. Not doing so had cost Riley his   
life.  
  
With the arrival of the Master Vampire Michael, Tara and Dawn had   
finally shown their true colors, though. He had probably promised   
them power, wealth, blah blah blah. Either way, the result was the   
same. Riley was dead, and Buffy was alone. Again.  
  
One good thing had come out of it, though. It got Willow and Xander   
back together finally. Willow had felt responsible for letting Tara   
into their circle, after Riley's death. She'd blamed herself for all   
of it. Buffy had tried, but hadn't had enough energy to help Willow   
deal with her guilt. She'd been relieved when Xander had stepped in   
as the best friend again. She had been surprised but not shocked when   
they'd told her a week ago they were getting married. It had seemed   
natural and meant to be. Anya had run off with Spike several years   
earlier, to everyone's surprise, and Buffy was glad Xander finally   
had someone who wouldn't hurt him in his life.  
  
"I wish..." Buffy shook her head and stood up, moving to the kitchen.   
Giles followed her.   
  
"You wish what, Buffy?" he asked.   
  
"Just feeling sorry for myself," she shrugged, as she started loading   
the dishwasher. "It's pointless really. I was just going to say I   
wish my life could have a happy ending like theirs."   
  
"Your life is far from over," Giles protested. "You're only--"   
  
Buffy silenced that sentence with a look. "I'm well aware of how old   
I am, thank you," she glared at him. "Why are you still in Sunnydale,   
Giles? Sometimes I think I should have let you go back to London,   
where you'd be safer." Giles had celebrated his seventy-fifth   
birthday a month ago. They'd thrown him a surprise party that he had   
grumbled about, but she knew he'd enjoyed the attention nevertheless.  
  
Buffy took a moment to look at him. He'd aged well, as she'd always   
known he would. All grey haired and distinctive looking, as Willow   
had put it not long ago. He'd never married, though. He and Olivia   
had drifted apart many years ago, and he'd never tried again. Buffy   
often regretted that he'd given so much of his life to her. She knew   
he'd thought many times of leaving, but she'd always selfishly held   
him with her in Sunnydale.   
  
"I'm not old and useless yet," Giles replied with a frown.   
  
"Hardly," Buffy said with a smile. "I just ... I don't want anything   
to happen to you, Giles. You, Willow, and Xander, you're all I have   
left." She turned back to the job at hand.  
  
"Buffy, have you considered calling him?" Giles asked.  
  
Buffy stopped dead. She knew who "him" was. The name nobody had dared   
utter in her presence for twenty years. The only man she had ever   
truly loved heart and soul. The only one to break her heart beyond   
repair. She hadn't seen him since the night he'd come to Sunnydale   
and tried to beat Riley up. Oh, sure, she knew it hadn't been his   
intention, he'd originally come to "make things better."  
  
  
  
She looked at Angel in thinly-harnessed fury. "Okay, I come to see   
you, to help you, and you treat me like I'm just . . . your ex."  
  
"Well, technically--" Angel started to reply.  
  
"Shut up!" she screamed cutting him off. "And then you order me out   
of *your* city and then you come here and start pounding on my   
boyfriend?! I would really like to know, what the HELL are you trying   
to do?!"  
  
Angel looked at her sadly, before saying, "I was trying to make   
things better."  
  
  
Better. How much better could it have been, when he'd left her so she   
could have her normal life? But it was so like Angel to try anything   
he could to make things a little better. And not for him, because he   
was convinced he deserved any pain he was in. He had come back to make   
things better for Buffy. To let her know that he didn't hate her, no   
matter what horrible things she'd said to him on her previous visit to  
see him.   
  
So Angel had come to her town, again, to apologize, even though she   
wasn't sure what for. S  
  
Somehow, they'd both realized that that night, that encounter, had to   
be the last. Because it hurt too much to pretend they were friends,   
when the truth was they weren't.   
  
  
"Look," she said with a shrug. "You weren't entirely wrong, what   
you said in L.A." She reluctantly looked over at him, not wanting to   
meet those sad, brown eyes. "We don't live in each other's worlds   
anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments."  
  
"I'm still sorry," Angel replied.   
  
"Thank you," she said, attempting a smile.  
  
"And, next time... I'll apologize by phone." Angel said.  
  
  
"Promises, promises," Buffy sighed.   
  
"I'm sorry?"   
  
Buffy turned to look at Giles' confused expression. "Not important,"   
she shrugged. "Of couse I've 'considered calling him,' she answered   
his earlier question. "But what good would it do, Giles? 'Hey Angel,   
I just wanted to let you know Riley's dead now. Oh, you still don't   
want me? Okay, bye.'" She gave him an irritated look. "Thanks, but no   
thanks."   
  
"Buffy--"  
  
"Don't," she turned away again. "There is _nothing_ to say that we   
didn't say twenty years ago. He chose to leave, and I had to let him go.   
I'm not going to ask him to come back; not when there's a chance he   
would, out of pity. I don't want his pity. What I want, he could   
never give me, and he still can't."   
  
Giles didn't reply to that, because he knew she was right. He just   
sighed and sat down at the table with her. Buffy was glad for the   
company and more so for the lack of argument. 


	2. 2

**************  
Part Two  
L.A.   
5:15  
  
Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley reached the door of the warehouse, where   
Gunn and a few of his closest friends were waiting with holy water   
guns, stakes, and crossbows.   
  
They were as soaking wet as Angel and the others were, Cordelia   
noticed. She wondered how long they'd been there waiting for the   
others.   
  
"Didn't think you cared about this?" Angel challenged. "I thought   
that ridding the world of half-demons was something the Scourge could   
do, and with your blessing too?"   
  
"Hey, I got bored," Gunn said with a shrug. "And you did say they   
might start in on the living citizens of L.A. after they kill off all   
the rival demons. So I figured we might as well get 'em now before   
they can do that. Of course if you guys don't _need_ my help...."   
  
"No!" Cordelia grabbed him by the arm. "We do, really. Right Angel?   
Right Wesley? Now can we get inside before The Powers decide to stop   
being so nice with their storms?"  
  
The two men laughed, then stifled it quickly at Cordelia's   
glare. "Yes, Gunn, we _do_ need your help," Angel said with a   
nod. "Here's the plan. Everyone except Wesley distract them. He will   
destroy the weapon."   
  
"Sounds simple enough to me," Gunn shrugged.   
  
"Oh, if you only knew," Cordelia said with a shake of her head, as   
they charged into the warehouse.  
  
************  
6 p.m.  
  
"ANGEL!" Cordelia screamed as one of the demons pinned her to the   
wall, feeling her up in the process. "EEEW! Do you MIND, CREEP?" She   
kneed him in the groin and got a backhand to the face for her   
troubles.   
  
She heard Angel's roar of anger, and sighed with relief as the demon   
fell dead in front of her. She blinked for a moment in surprise at   
the realization Angel had let Angelus out to play, but it didn't   
frighten her for long. She knew he was still in control. He proved it   
as his human face surfaced again, along with the concern in his   
eyes. "Cordy? You okay?" he asked.   
  
"Yes," she smiled. "Sore jaw, but I'll live. Did I mention I'm   
getting too old for this????"   
  
Angel chuckled, and said, "Yes, Cordy. At least once today. And   
yesterday, and the day before..."   
  
Cordelia ignored him and looked over to see Wesley taking aim at the   
weapon. "Oh, please don't miss," she pleaded quietly.   
  
A group of demons charged at Wesley, and she and Angel ran over to   
stop them short. She caught a crossbow that one of Gunn's friends   
threw to her, and shot one of them in the heart. As he fell dead, she   
retrieved another stray arrow from the floor and shot a second demon.   
She jumped as she heard the gunfire, and shattering of glass.  
  
"Oh thank God!" she exclaimed, and she looked up at the weapon which   
was lying in pieces twenty feet away. She heard the screeches of   
anger from the remaining members of the Scourge, and then saw them   
running for the door. She located another arrow, and felled one more   
demon as the rest escaped into the daylight.   
  
Cordelia looked around, surveying the damage. Angel had a bloody   
nose, and his shirt was torn, showing a few gashes on his chest. She   
wasn't worried about him, though, knowing he'd heal within minutes.   
Gunn had a nasty cut above his left eye, and was limping, favoring   
his right foot. She...well, other than a killer headache from being   
slammed against the wall and the before-mentioned sore jaw, she'd   
live. Wesley hadn't even been touched, as they had protected him with   
their lives. The rest of Gunn's friends were all going to   
survive. "Score one for us," she sighed.   
  
"More than one, Cordy," Angel said, looking around. "And nobody had   
to die except them this time," he added. He then abruptly collapsed   
on the ground unconscious, the last thing which registered in his   
ears being Cordelia's scream.  
  
*************** 


	3. 3

Part Three  
  
Sunnydale   
6 pm  
  
  
Willow, Xander, Giles, and Buffy were enjoying a quiet dinner at   
Giles' house. Willow and Xander had put off the Honeymoon until   
Xander could better afford it on his construction job salary, but for   
all Buffy could tell, Willow didn't mind. She was just happy to   
finally be with the man she loved.  
  
Buffy went to the kitchen to get the pitcher of iced tea from the   
refrigerator, at the request of Giles. She opened the door, and   
picked up the pitcher, then dropped it with a crash.   
  
"BUFFY!"   
  
She turned slowly to the simultaneous screams from the others, as   
they ran into the kitchen. She held up a hand to stop their   
questions. She had to catch the feelings before they escaped   
her. "Something happened. Something big. I felt it like a ripple   
through the Hellmouth. I don't know how to put it into words right."   
She shook her head, and looked over at Giles.   
  
"You're not crazy, Buffy," he said reassuringly. "We've discovered by   
now your unique connection to the Hellmouth. This isn't the first   
time we've gone into battle against something evil with nothing to go   
on but a feeling you've gotten. Can you put into words whether or not   
the feeling you got made you feel that there was impending danger?"   
  
Buffy tried to walk over to the table, but her legs felt wobbly. She   
looked gratefully at Willow, who was at her side instantly to help   
her. She sat down, and the others gathered nearby. "My gut feeling   
was we're not in danger" she replied then. "At least not   
immediately."   
  
"Well, then we wait and see," Xander said practically. "And if   
needed, we slay."   
  
Buffy smiled up at him. He'd never doubted that they would always win   
in the end, even when she hadn't been so confident in her abilities.   
His certainty, though, was what had kept her from giving up in the   
most difficult battles.  
  
She looked over at Giles, who was cleaning the shattered glass and   
spilled tea off the floor. "Giles, I made the mess, I'll clean it up.   
Go sit down," she said, standing up to take over. She shrugged off   
Willow's protesting hand, "I'm fine. Just a little shaken, but I'm   
over it now." She grabbed a roll of paper towels and knelt to clean   
the spill.  
  
***********  
  
  
Angel stood up slowly and looked around him. He was in a room,   
lighted by some power he couldn't figure out. The walls were white,   
there was no furniture. He also couldn't find any doors. Two beings,   
male and female, materialized in front of him then. The woman had   
long dark hair, braided, and deep blue eyes. Her long dress was   
reminiscent of that of the Ancient Greeks. The man had short, dark   
hair, and his dress seemed also to be of that same era. *Not again.*   
Angel thought with irritation.   
  
"Who are you, where am I, and what the hell just happened?" he   
demanded.   
  
"The Powers sent us," the female said and looked at him with   
disinterest. The man with her apparently was going to let his mate do   
the talking for both of them.  
  
"Wouldn't that be, 'The Powers sent _me_?'" Angel replied in   
disbelief. "Because _I'm_ the one who's not where I was. And I am   
waiting for an answer to my three previous questions."   
  
The female shrugged, and replied: "We were sent to replace those who   
were killed; you're not on your earthly plane at the moment; and you   
have earned your reward."   
  
Angel looked at them for a moment in silence, not quite sure it was   
she was telling them. He could take lessons in cryptic by those   
beings in the employ of The Powers that Be.   
  
"Would you please repeat..."   
  
//Thud-thud//  
  
"What the fuck?" Angel said in surprise. He hadn't just heard that.   
  
//Thud-thud//  
  
"The Powers that Be are grateful to you for your assistance in   
averting the imminent destruction of the human race, Angelus. You've   
earned your reward, you may go now." the woman said. And suddenly,   
with a wave of her hand, Angel was flung out of their presence.  
  
*********** 


	4. 4

Part Four  
  
L.A.  
6:05 pm  
  
Cordelia screamed as Angel went down unconscious. "NOOO!" she ran to   
him, and knelt by his side. She pulled his head into her lap, pushing   
the hair back from his eyes. "I don't see any injuries," she   
said. "Oh God, how do we know if he's dead or just dead???!" she   
asked, beginning to panic. She'd lost Doyle to the Scourge, she   
couldn't lose Angel too.   
  
Wesley sighed, and knelt down next to her. He understood her meaning,   
though in better circumstances he probably would have laughed at her   
choice of words. He knew he had to keep Cordelia calm, and made an   
attempt to be calm himself. "I don't know, Cordelia," he said,   
placing his hand on Angel's chest. "It's not as if I can check for a -  
-"  
  
//Thud-thud//  
  
"--What the fuck?" Wesley said uncharacteristically, unknowingly   
speaking the same words as Angel did at that exact moment.   
  
"What?" Cordelia asked, looking down at Angel. She touched Angel's   
face again, and drew her hand back quickly. "Why is his skin warm?"   
she asked with a frown. "His skin's never--" she gasped as Angel's   
eyes flew open. "Oh thank God!" she said for the second time that   
evening, and let out the breath she'd been holding.   
  
Angel sat up carefully, he'd had his breath knocked out of him by his   
sudden departure from the other dimension. He smiled. He'd had his   
breath knocked out of him, that was a new experience for him.  
  
"Angel, are you..." Wesley trailed off as he looked at Angel and saw   
the answer in his eyes. He _had_ felt that heartbeat. "How?" he asked.  
  
"How what?" Cordelia asked.   
  
In reply, Angel took her hand and pressed it to his chest so she   
could feel the answer for herself. "Oh my God..." she said in   
disbelief. "OH MY GOD!" She grabbed him and hugged him, laughing and   
crying at the same time. Angel hugged her back, joining her in the   
reaction. Wesley being Wesley, he contented himself with sitting   
there looking pleased.  
  
Cordelia finally got hold of herself and pulled away. She stood up   
and helped Angel up as well. She brushed the dirt off herself,   
asking, "So twenty years is all it took?" She couldn't believe that   
what they'd hoped for since the prophecy had been translated had   
finally taken place.   
  
"I'm afraid the new Oracles weren't very giving on the details,"   
Angel shrugged. "But I got the impression that they think I've earned   
it. They indicated that we averted the destruction of the human race   
by defeating the Scourge for the second time. That, along with   
everything else we've done in the last twenty years, apparently added   
up to me getting a second chance. I can't believe it."   
  
"Would somebody care to tell me what's so great?" Gunn requested.   
  
"Angel's human," Cordelia said simply with a smile.   
  
Gun's mouth dropped open in shock.   
  
Wesley took pity on the man, and said, "There was a prophecy that   
this would happen, it just wasn't clear _when_ it would happen."   
  
"Oh. Wow," was all Gunn could manage in reply.   
  
"I second that," Angel said with a nod. "Come on guys. Let's go   
home," he added as they walked outside into the sunlight.   
  
***************  
L.A. 7:00 pm  
  
They all returned to the haunted-hotel-turned-office-and-Angel's-  
home, and settled in for a relaxing evening.  
  
Wesley ordered pizza, which Angel devoured most of, to their   
amusement. "Angel, we eat too," Cordelia said in irritation as he   
reached for the last slice.   
  
"Oh, sorry. Forgot how much I loved food," Angel said around a   
mouthful of pizza. "And chocolate. Do we have any chocolate?" he   
added, as he retreated to the kitchen to rummage through the   
cupboards.   
  
"Yes, but you're not going to find it in there," Cordelia said with a   
sigh. She went into the office, and pulled a bag of Hershey's Kisses   
out of the bottom drawer of her desk. She handed the bag to Angel,   
and noticed his confused expression She sighed again,   
explaining, "Wesley has a sweet tooth. If I kept them in an obvious   
place I'd never get any."   
  
"I resent that!" Wesley yelled in protest.   
  
Angel simply grinned at their bickering. This he'd gotten used to in   
the last twenty years, they made any place seem like home to him.   
He'd probably taken them for granted at times, though he tried not   
to. He found himself regretting now that Cordelia had never seen her   
dream of Hollywood Stardom come to be. He also regretted that neither   
of them had found spouses or started families of their own. They'd   
given so much of their lives to The Cause. His Cause. And now...what   
were they left with?  
  
And then there was Gunn. His all-consuming need for vengeance had   
never been quenched. He had become a member of the Angel   
Investigations team shortly after he'd had to stake his sister-turned-  
vampire. Angel accepted him as a member of the team, understanding   
the need Gunn had to do what he could to get back at the demons who'd   
destroyed his sister. Angel also knew, though, that chasing vengeance   
was completely unsatisfying. So he was glad when Gunn had found   
another way to channel his energy. He had started up several   
successful troubled-teen outreach centers around the city, thus   
helping the hopeless in a different way.   
  
"No chocolates for The Brooder!" Cordelia walked up to him and   
snatched the bag out of his hand, glaring at him. "I did NOT wait   
twenty years for this to see you all broody still. And WHEN THE HELL   
ARE YOU GOING TO CALL BUFFY ALREADY?!"   
  
Angel looked at her in shock. He swallowed hard, and looked away.   
Buffy. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought of her every second of every   
day for the past twenty years. And it wasn't as if he hadn't thought   
about her the moment it had sunk in that his once-dead heart was   
beating again.   
  
But so much had happened to her because of him, what right did he   
have to walk back into her life now? After all, he'd been the one to   
leave _her_. Twice, though she only remembered one of those times.   
  
He'd hated himself so much for hurting her. But the possibility that   
he might someday be able to give her what she deserved was what had   
kept him from ending his life. As much as Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn   
meant to him, in Buffy he had had the hope of true happiness someday.   
But now that the one thing really keeping them apart was no more, he   
was afraid. What if she didn't want him back, after all these years?   
What if she wasn't...  
  
"You still my girl?" he asked, feeling that his existence depended   
on the answer.   
Buffy looked back at him, sadly, and said, "Always," before walking   
away.  
  
"Sometimes always isn't forever," Angel said, before going upstairs.   
  
"Okay, you are SO NOT THE KING OF LAST WORDS!" Cordelia yelled before   
running upstairs after him.   
  
Gunn and Wesley looked at each other for a moment. "Wanna go get a   
drink?" Gunn asked.   
  
"Hell yes," Wesley nodded, and followed Gunn to his car.   
  
************* 


	5. 5

Part Five  
  
L.A.   
6:30  
  
"Angel...whatever-your-last-name-is-anyway," Cordelia trailed off   
with a sigh. She looked down the hallway, and stomped her high-heeled   
foot. "I don't care if there are fifty rooms on this floor and fifty   
on the next, I WILL FIND YOU!" she yelled.  
  
Angel stepped out of a room two doors down, and glared at her. He   
tried, anyway. "Does the fact that I want to be alone right now   
matter in the _least_ to you?" he questioned as she walked past him   
into the room.   
  
"Yes, but only because it means you don't _need_ to be alone right   
now," Cordelia said matter-of-factly. "Look, Angel. I don't know what   
you're feeling, because I've never been dead and then came back to   
life. But I know that you never stopped loving Buffy Summers, Angel.   
And I know that she never stopped loving you either."   
  
"How do you know that?" Angel asked, sitting on a chair and looking   
up at her. The fear in his eyes that it maybe wouldn't be true broke   
her heart.  
  
"Because she didn't have a choice in loving you," Cordelia said   
simply, sitting on a chair across from him. "And I also don't think   
it's a mistake of fate that your redemption happened when it did.   
It's time, Angel."   
  
Angel knew what she was talking about. She'd had a vision of Riley's   
death a year earlier, and had urged him to go to Buffy. He hadn't,   
knowing there was nothing he could do or say to make it better. "But   
how do I know she doesn't know that I knew? How do I know she doesn't   
hate me for it?"   
  
Cordelia stared at him for a moment, sorting out the many phrases and   
their meanings. She finally got it straight, she hoped, and   
said, "Angel, I don't think she hates you, even if she knows that you   
knew about Riley's death. But there's only one way all these   
questions will be answered, you need to call her. On second thought,   
a phone call isn't going to do the trick. So when are you leaving?"   
She stood, and looked at him expectantly.  
  
Angel didn't answer, just shook his head.   
  
"I'll drive you there myself if I have to," Cordelia threatened. "But   
you're going, because you are no good to any of us until you have at   
least faced her. The worst thing that can happen is that she will   
send you on your merry way --" At Angel's stricken look at her, she   
added "--which isn't going to happen anyway."  
  
He tried the 'ignore her and she'll go away' tactic. He looked up   
after ten minutes; she was still there. "You're not going away," he   
said with a sigh.   
  
"Very observant of you," she replied drily.   
  
"You're going to keep nagging until I give in," this more a statement   
than a question. He didn't HAVE to ask, this was Cordelia Chase,   
after all.  
  
"Well, _I_ prefer to think of it as persuading, but yeah," Cordelia   
replied with a grin.  
  
He sighed in irritation, but shrugged. He knew when he was   
beaten. "In the morning," he conceded.  
  
"Promise me," Cordelia said.   
  
"Go home, Cordy. Take the day off, because I won't be here" Angel   
assured her.   
  
"G'nite, Angel," she said, ruffling his hair on her way by and   
walking to the door.   
  
"And Cordy?"  
  
She turned to look at him, "Yeah?"   
  
"Thanks," he said with a smile.  
  
"Well, I knew _that_ already," she grinned at him. "But you're   
welcome all the same," she added before leaving.  
  
***************  
Sunnydale   
11 pm  
  
"Buffy?" Willow looked over at her friend worriedly. "This is a funny   
movie, and you're not laughing."   
  
"Hm?" Buffy looked over at her and tried not to laugh at the   
entangled state that was Willow and Xander. They were not acting like   
the nearly forty-year old adults they were, but like a couple of   
sixteen year olds. *I guess true love makes you act like a kid, no   
matter how old you really are* she mused. She caught Willow looking   
at her questioningly and said, "I was just thinking about something."   
  
"I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop," Angel said to her.  
"Me...Me, too. I can't either," she replied.  
  
*Why am I thinking about Angel so much today? This has just been   
another day in the life of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And he hasn't   
been part of that life for so long, there's no reason I should be   
thinking about him now.  
  
"Buff?"   
  
"Huh?" Buffy looked over at Xander, who'd knocked her out of her   
musings this time. "Sorry, guys. I'm not really in the best mood for   
being around people, I guess."   
  
"You don't have to entertain us," Xander replied. "But it's obvious   
something's wrong. We're just worried, that's all," he added.   
  
"I don't know what it is," Buffy said with a sigh. "Whatever I felt   
earlier today just threw me off more than usual. I'll be fine,   
though." She looked around. "Where's Giles?"   
  
"Giles went up to bed," Willow replied. "And we know you've been a   
million miles away if you didn't notice that. He said goodnight,   
and 'feel free to stay as long as you like.'"   
  
"I guess I'm just tired, it has been a long day," Buffy said. "I'll   
be good after sleep. And work tomorrow," she added with a yawn. She'd   
been helping her mom at the art museum since she'd graduated. She'd   
told herself, Riley, and Mom it would be temporary, but temporary had   
turned into twenty years. When her mother had died, Buffy had taken   
over her responsibilities as well, without thinking too much about   
it. It was a good job, something she was relatively good at. And It   
definitely paid the bills.  
  
"I should go home, I guess," she said then, standing slowly.   
  
Willow and Xander untangled themselves from the couch, and Xander   
offered, "Come on, we'll drive you."   
  
"Thanks," Buffy didn't argue, she was too tired. The fewer demons   
tonight, the better for Buffy. She wasn't up for a fight.  
  
**********  



	6. 6

Part Six  
  
Buffy sighed as she regarded her empty bed. Yes it had been a year,   
but she didn't think that she'd ever get used to life without Riley   
in it. She'd loved him, and she missed him. True, Angel had always   
had a more prominent place in her heart, but she'd done her best   
never to let Riley know that. She knew he'd worried occasionally the   
first couple of years. But eventually, he'd learned to trust in them,   
to her relief. And they'd had a wonderful marriage, a happy marriage.   
Twenty years. Buffy was nearly forty. She remembered that once upon a   
time she'd been thrilled to reach eighteen. Now she was realizing she   
was way too old to play Slayer anymore.   
  
Buffy and Angel were patrolling together. She teased him, "You   
never take me any place new."  
"What about that fire demon nest in the cave by the beach?" Angel   
asked with a smile. "I felt that was a nice change of pace."  
"So this is our future?" she asked, half-jokingly. "This is how we're   
going to spend our nights when I'm fifty and you're ... the same age   
you are now?"  
They both turned as they heard a growl nearby.  
"Let's just get you to fifty," Angel suggested.  
"Liking that plan," Buffy agreed, as they turned to face the demon.  
  
"Yeah, because I need those memories," Buffy said. "How about a   
replacement-Slayer instead? Wouldn't that be nice? Hasn't Buffy   
played nice for the past twenty-some years? Retirement wouldn't be a   
bad thing about now. And I don't mean of the permanent kind."   
  
She stripped her jeans and t-shirt and pulled on a white t-shirt and   
boxer shorts, crawling into her bed. She hugged a pillow against her,   
trying to compensate for the lack of a body to hold her. And finally,   
she let the tears come, not needing to be brave for anyone any longer   
that evening.  
  
  
"I'm trying to do what's right here, okay?" Angel said. "I'm trying   
to think with my head instead of my heart."  
"Heart?" she questioned in disbelief. "You have a heart? It isn't   
even beating!" She regretted the words when she uttered them, but   
with her own heart breaking, she felt the need to make his break too.  
"Don't," Angel pleaded.  
"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry, you know what? I didn't know   
that I got a _choice_ in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't   
change. I want my life to be with you," Buffy looked at him, hoping   
for something to change in this discussion. Hoping this wasn't the   
end of it all.  
"I don't," Angel said.  
She looked at him in shock for a moment. "You don't want to be with   
me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me."  
  
"Stop it, Buffy!" she ordered herself. "You've lived a perfectly   
wonderful life for twenty years, you're just upset because Giles   
brought him up. It's time to sleep and you won't remember him   
tomorrow."   
  
Eventually she drifted off into a fitful sleep.  
  
********  
Saturday   
12 am  
  
Angel finally got out of bed, and started getting dressed. He'd   
drifted off to sleep several times, but had only dreamt of her. He   
got the hint finally, and gave up on sleep.   
  
He pulled on his black leather pants, and a black button-down shirt.   
He looked over at his clock. It was only midnight. He'd get to   
Sunnydale at three at the latest. "Fine, I'll just watch the   
sunrise," he said with a shrug. "I can't stay here, it will drive me   
insane!"  
  
He felt a moment of indecision as he started his car, but pushed it   
away. Cordelia was right. No matter what happened, this was one of   
those things he had to do. He'd never be at peace if he didn't. And   
if he kept telling himself that, he may get to Sunnydale with a   
minimum of turn-backs.  
  
Three hours later, he hit the Sunnydale City Limits, and remembered   
what it was like to nearly hyperventilate. He pulled into the parking   
lot of a gas station, and willed himself to calm down. "Stop acting   
like a child," he told himself. "A nearly three hundred year old   
child," he added with a sigh. "Time to find a hotel room. Something   
tells me this isn't going to be easy. But nothing worth it ever is."  
  
***********  
  
Buffy jolted awake. She didn't have the slightest idea why, and was   
incredibly irritated when she saw it was three a.m. "Dammit, I'm not   
amused!" she yelled at whatever unseen force had awakened her.   
  
She tossed and turned for several moments before giving up. "Fine,"   
she sighed. She pulled on a black tank top and black spandex   
pants. "Something, or several somethings, are going to suffer for my   
insomnia," she muttered, before leaving to Patrol.   
  
*********  
  
Angel found a hotel room, and checked in. He felt restless though, so   
decided to go for a walk. Not having a death wish, he armed himself   
with a couple of stakes and a dagger. "This should be interesting,"   
he mused. "Could be dangerous, too. Wouldn't it be funny if I died   
the night I'd come back to Sunnydale to tell Buffy I was human and   
wanted her back?" He paused and frowned. It had been funnier in his   
head.  
  
He stepped outside, and started walking, choosing a direction   
randomly. Discovery number one was that his night-sight was much less   
powerful now. It was a full moon luckily though, so even in the areas   
without street lights he had only a little trouble seeing.   
  
Discovery number two was that his sense for Buffy didn't disappear   
with his humanity. That didn't surprise him very much. She was a part   
of him, whether either of them liked it or not. She'd made him   
believe in the concept of soulmates. That had made it hurt all the   
more, though, when he'd had to leave.   
  
Angel stopped in his tracks as his "Buffy-sense" went haywire. She   
was close. He wondered what she was doing out so late, when she   
should be home and in bed by now. Part of him wanted to run away, hop in his   
car, and never come back. The other part of him, however, was too afraid of   
Cordelia to do something so cowardly. So he stood, and waited for Buffy  
to find him. He had the feeling that she would do just that.  
  
********* 


	7. 7

Part Seven  
  
Buffy stopped. She had the strangest feeling, like a nagging in the   
back of her mind. She couldn't place it, it evaded her. She shook her   
head with a sigh of irritation, and continued walking.   
  
As the feeling got stronger, she slowed again. "Marco?" she ventured,   
snorting with laughter at the childishness she was displaying.   
  
"Polo," she heard called softly about twenty feet to her right. The   
voice... Buffy's eyes got wider as she realized who it belonged to.   
That explained the feeling. She ran in the direction of the voice.  
  
  
Angel heard her call, "Marco?" He smiled. Did she know it was him, or   
just know something was out there? He wasn't sure, but he was sure   
this was shaping up to be the strangest reunion of all time. Despite   
himself, he said it. "Polo." It worked, he heard her coming. He faced   
the direction of the footfalls.   
  
Discovery Number Three: apparently two-hundred-odd years of not   
needing to breathe had made his involuntary functions unreliable at   
times. He had to remind himself to breathe, and slowly.  
  
He saw her then. She ran out of a grove of trees, and stopped short   
when she saw him. All words left him, so he contented himself with   
studying her. She was beautiful. More beautiful than the eighteen   
year old he'd left, if that was even possible. She was still the   
slender blonde with the perfect figure. Her blonde hair still shone   
in the night, and her hazel eyes still sparkled. But she seemed more   
graceful somehow. More confident in the way she carried herself.   
  
  
Buffy hit a clearing, and her eyes landed on him. She wasn't sure   
whether to laugh, cry, or scream. She then realized it didn't matter,   
the English language was suddenly too challenging for her to attempt.   
She stared at him in disbelief that he was actually standing there,   
in front of her, after all these years. Her timeless lover, he looked   
exactly the way she remembered him. *Big surprise, vampires don't   
age, remember?*  
  
She walked closer to him, knowing that now they'd gotten this far,   
there was no turning back. She wondered briefly if he was the reason   
she'd been unable to sleep. If he was somehow behind the feeling   
she'd had of the Hellmouth being shaken?  
  
She decided finally that silence was underrated. She stopped about   
five feet from him, saying, "Angel? Is it really you?" *Yep, still a   
Master at the brilliant questions.*  
  
  
Angel reminded himself to breath as she stepped closer. *In. Out.   
Good. Dropping dead now would be _way_ too shocking for her.* "Yeah,   
Buffy," he replied hoarsely. He cleared his throat and tried his   
voice again. "It's me." Much better.  
  
"Why? How?" Buffy frowned, and settled on, "Why?"  
  
"I needed to talk to you about something," Angel replied. Discovery   
Number Four: Cryptic tendencies were still intact. He sighed at   
himself, and added, "It's important. Well, maybe that's obvious since   
I'm here at..." he stopped to check his watch, "four in the morning."   
  
Buffy nodded and looked around. "I think sitting is a good," she   
said, and walked over to a nearby bench. Angel followed her. She sat,   
and he sat next to her. "So what's so important you had to pay me a   
visit after twenty years of silence?" she asked then, without not a   
little bitterness in her tone.   
  
Angel winced at her tone. No, this wasn't going to be easy,   
apparently. There was so much he hadn't told her anyway, so much he   
needed to explain to get around to the "Oh, guess what, I'm alive"   
story. Maybe starting with a general series of apologies would be in   
order.  
  
"Buffy I..." he trailed off. "I was going to say 'I think you should   
sit down', and then I realized how silly that would sound. No, I   
haven't practiced this for the past three hours straight." He sighed,   
and ran his hand through his hair. "It seemed so much easier when I   
was saying it in the car."   
  
  
Buffy looked over at him. He definitely looked like he hadn't slept.   
Then she saw the rise and fall of his chest, and realized he was   
breathing. *He's nervous. Vamps do that, it's a weird nervous   
reaction* she reminded himself. She felt strangely comforted knowing   
that being in her presence again made him nervous. It was only   
fitting since she felt like jumping out of her skin at his close   
proximity.  
  
"Just say what you have to say," she replied. "The sooner you do, the   
sooner you can be on your way," she added, not in anger but in   
resignation. This seemed so familiar to her, he'd speak his piece and   
leave. It's what he had decided was best, after all.  
  
"Buffy, I know about Riley...and your mother," he said. "I'm sorry."   
Somehow those words didn't come close to how he felt, and he wished   
there were better words.   
  
"A year late, and fifteen years late," Buffy replied, looking away.   
She fought the anger, because it wouldn't do any good. Twenty years,   
but she bet that Angel hadn't changed. That was reassuring somehow.   
So many things in her life she couldn't count on, but one thing she   
could: she'd always be able to read him. She figured he'd beat   
himself up enough for not being there for her for the past twenty   
years, and here he was to ask forgiveness.   
  
She sighed. "Why now, Angel? I get that you're sorry, but why not a   
phone call at least?"   
  
"I...I'm a coward," he shrugged.   
  
Buffy turned and glared at him. Damn him for taking the words out of   
her mouth. Then she saw his sad, puppy-dog brown eyes, and giggled in   
spite of herself.   
  
Angel blinked in surprise. He'd expected many reactions, but that   
wasn't one of them. "Wha--"   
  
"You," Buffy rolled her eyes. "It's not fair you realize. You give me   
that look and all my intentions of hating you go out the window."   
  
"Tell me what look it is so I can remember it," Angel said eagerly.   
  
"Stop that," Buffy replied, shaking her head.   
  
"Stop what?" Angel asked.   
  
"Stop acting like nothing's changed, because _everything's_ changed.   
What do you _want_? The cryptic act really isn't charming anymore,   
I'm not getting any younger, and I can't DO THIS!" Buffy stood up   
with the intention of leaving, because it was either do that or cry. And   
she was NOT giving him the satisfaction of crying,.   
  
"Wait, please, Buffy," Angel grabbed her arm to stop her. Her shocked   
look up at him made him realize that hadn't been a good idea.   
  
"No," she whispered, and yanked her arm out of his _warm_ grasp. *No.   
It was your imagination. You're all worked up. It's been a long   
night, and you're not thinking clearly.* "Tell me it wasn't--" She   
reached out for him, this time, and he backed away quickly. She   
frowned, "Now you're just being childish," she accused. "I just   
thought I felt..." Then she realized the truth, from the look in his eyes, the   
fact he was breathing, and the fact he wouldn't let her touch him.   
He was alive. Somehow, Angel was alive.   
  
"Oh. My. God." Buffy said, then promptly fainted.   
  
******** 


	8. 8

Part Eight  
  
Angel managed catch Buffy as she fell to the ground,   
unconscious. "Good one, Angel. You had a plan to ease her into   
your being alive. But no, you had to go and let her touch you and get the   
shock of her life," he berated himself as he eased her to the ground.   
He sat with her against his chest. It felt so good to hold her, after   
all these years. He wanted to cry from joy that he was doing that   
again. He'd missed how it felt, having her in his arms. It felt right,   
as if his arms were made to hold her, and only her.   
  
He shook those thoughts away, and tried to revive her. "Buffy?"   
he checked her pulse to reassure himself she really _was_ okay. He   
found that her pulse was strong, and he sighed with relief. "Come on,   
Buffy, wake up. Please?" He looked around warily, realizing that   
sitting in a cemetery with an unconscious Slayer at four in the   
morning was not the prime situation to be in.   
  
  
Buffy opened her eyes, and looked into Angel's. "You're alive?" She   
looked up at him uncertainly.   
  
"I guess that my long explanation just went out the window," Angel   
replied with a smile.   
  
She realized he was holding her. She pulled out of his arms, crawling   
away quickly. "This isn't happening," she muttered, standing. "You're   
alive????" She tried to force herself to find something else to say,   
but her brain was stuck on that one sentence. She gave up, and stood   
in silence, waiting for him to respond to the question.  
  
Angel stood, and said, "Sit down, Buffy, this has to be a   
shock for you." He reached for her and it was her turn to back away   
quickly. He dropped his hand back to his side. "Buffy,   
please, I need to explain this to you."   
  
Buffy just looked at him, unsure whether she wanted to hear an explanation.  
  
"Please?"  
  
She sighed and sat back down on the bench. "Fine, explain."  
  
"Thank you," he said and chose to stay standing. "Buffy, many years   
ago, I found an ancient scroll. It contained prophecies, Wes went to   
work translating it. It took him a while, but he figured out most   
of it. One prophecy spoke of a vampire who fought on the side of good,   
against the forces of evil. It said that the vampire fought against evil to   
make amends for the great crimes he had inflicted on humanity. It was   
talking about me, we realized. The final part is what really threw us:   
that the vampire would one day repay his debt, and be rewarded with   
the return of his humanity."  
  
"And...what happened recently to make this prophecy come true?" Buffy   
asked.  
  
"The Scourge. A group of demons that we've fought before, they intended  
to try to wipe out humanity this time. Cordelia, Wesley and I, along with   
another person who works with us, Gunn, defeated the Scourge earlier...  
yesterday. And afterward...I wasn't expecting it, but they decided to   
give me my reward, a second chance at life."  
  
"Who's they?"   
  
"Doyle used to call them The Powers That Be. The ones in charge of   
everything."   
  
"So that's it? You're alive? Quest for redemption over?" Buffy   
couldn't believe she was having this conversation. She'd hoped for it   
for so many years, while alternately telling herself it would never   
happen. This was most definitely NOT the way she'd imagined it would   
happen. Wasn't the reuniting of soulmates supposed to be more   
romantic, somehow? *No. That's not what this is. He left you,   
remember? He can't just come back and expect you to fall into his   
arms. Well, fine, you did that, but I mean willingly, not   
unconsciously!*  
  
"I don't think it means I'm going to stop trying to help people,"   
Angel said slowly. "But I do believe that this... it's what they   
wanted for me. I don't quite know why I earned it, but I have it from  
the messengers from the source that it was the way they want it. I'm   
alive, no mistake about it."  
  
"Wow," Buffy looked away again. She was having a hard time looking at   
him. Part of her wanted to beat him up for all the hell he'd put her   
through, by leaving and by staying away. The other part of her   
though...that was the reason she wasn't looking at him. "That's....   
good, Angel. I'm ... I know it's something you've   
probably wished for for a long time."   
  
"I tried not to think about it," Angel said honestly. "If I had, I   
think I would have gone crazy."   
  
Buffy didn't reply, and Angel took advantage of the silence to   
attempt to gauge her mood. She was avoiding his eyes, and she looked   
confused, among other things. *Well, no kidding. If I ever wished for   
this, she wished for it more. At least she did at one time. Now...Now   
her body language says she doesn't want me here. Not that I can blame   
her for that. There's so much pain and heartache built up over the years. On   
both of our parts. Does it hurt her as much as it hurts me to be   
together finally, and yet not together?*  
  
"Why are you here?" she finally asked him, looking at him curiously.   
She thought she saw the answer in his facial expression, and   
continued, "Oh. This is the 'Hey, Buffy. I'm alive, so guess what, we   
can be together now!' talk?" Her face contorted in pain, and she   
looked away, saying, "If that's what this is, then go back to L.A.   
I'm not that easy."   
  
"Don't you think I know that?" Angel asked softly. "God, Buffy, I   
know how much I hurt you all those years ago. I wouldn't presume to   
expect anything like that." *I wouldn't. Hoping is not the same as   
expecting.* "I just.... I couldn't NOT let you know about this. I   
couldn't just let you hear it from someone else, either.   
It wouldn't be right. Not after what we--" he shut his mouth   
abruptly to keep from saying "mean to each other." *Past-tense,   
Angel. That's becoming more and more clear as the night goes on.*   
"Not after what we once meant to each other. I owed you that much."  
  
"Oh." Buffy tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her heart. "Well,   
open mouth insert foot. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions." She stood   
and shrugged. "I'm happy for you, really. It's good news. I'm really tired,   
though. So if we're done here--"   
  
"No," Angel grabbed her arm again. "Wait. I don't think I'm   
doing this right. I'm just..." *Truth might be a good thing to   
try, Angel. If you want to ever get her back in your life again, that   
is. Yeah, it'll hurt. But how much more would it hurt if things keep   
dissolving like this to the point of no return and you haven't tried   
your damnedest to reach her?*  
  
"You're what?" Buffy countered. She ran a hand through her blonde   
hair, and added, "Well, if we're not done, why don't we at least take   
this somewhere less demon-friendly." Without waiting for his   
response, she turned and walked away, leaving him to follow. 


	9. 9

  
Part Nine  
5 am  
  
  
Angel caught up with her after a few steps, and they walked side-by-  
side in silence to her house.   
  
"Oh, and Jack may act territorial about you being here," Buffy said,   
partially talking to herself, not noticing Angel's confused   
expression.   
  
"Jack?" *Why is there a guy named Jack living here?* Angel wondered   
briefly as he followed Buffy inside.   
  
He got his answer soon enough. The afore-mentioned Jack was a very   
large German Shepherd, and no, he was not happy in the least about   
Angel being in his house. He lunged at Angel barking, but Buffy, with   
her Slayer-speed, grabbed him mid-air by the collar, pulling him back   
down to the ground. "This is just the strange man reaction he   
displays with any guy he doesn't know," she explained and led Jack to   
the room she used as a home office.  
  
She turned to see Angel had followed her into the living room, and   
gestured for him to sit down. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm   
going to start some coffe brewing." Angel nodded, and she disappeared   
into the kitchen briefly. After she'd gotten the pot started, she   
returned to the doorway to the living room and stood for a moment,   
looking at the man sitting on her couch. *This is just too surreal.   
After all these years, he's here in my house? Drinking coffee with   
me? Yeah, my life is completely sane.* She sighed tiredly, leaning   
against the wall for a moment.  
  
Angel heard her wearied sigh, and felt a pang of sorrow. He knew he   
was the cause of it, his sudden arrival in "her town" dropping this   
bombshell. "I'm sorry," he said, not turning to look at her.   
  
"You're sorry," she repeated with another sigh. "See, I'm not sure   
how to reply to that, because I don't know exactly _what_ you're   
sorry for. Sorry for leaving me twenty-two years ago? Nah, you're not   
sorry for that. You did it _for_ me, right? So...what then. Sorry for   
showing up not long after and beating up my boyfriend? Probably not,   
you apologized for that already. Um...oh I know! Sorry for giving up   
your humanity for my own good twenty years ago?"   
  
  
She had moved to stand in front of him, and Angel looked at her, in   
shock. "You weren't supposed to--"   
  
"What? Remember?" she supplied, and Angel had to look away from the   
anger he saw in her eyes. "I know, it really sucked when I started   
having those dreams, right after Riley and I got married. Really   
disturbing dreams, Angel, about you and I making love in your   
apartment in L.A., of feeling your heartbeat, of being the happiest   
I've ever been in my life, and then of you telling me it all had to   
end. I didn't know if they were dreams, or if they were real   
memories. So Willow helped me out, to find out what the truth really   
was. She cast a spell to break the last bit of whatever the Oracles   
did to me to make me forget, and it all came rushing back. And let me   
tell you, I hated you at first. I couldn't believe that would give up   
EVERYTHING we ever wanted, just out of some stupid fear!" Buffy   
brushed away the traitorous tears, and continued, "And then I gave   
up, when I'd forced myself to take some time and think about things.   
I realized there wasn't any reaching you, it was pointless when you'd   
made it quite clear in so many ways that we were over. I finally   
decided to accept it. I threw myself into my life with Riley, and it   
was a good one. He made me happy, and _he_ never left when things got   
tough."   
  
Angel winced. "You're right," he said softly. "I did give up, but I   
couldn't stand the thought of losing you." He looked over at her   
then, saying, "I would have given anything in my power, Buffy, even   
my life, if it would have kept you alive and safe."   
  
Buffy met his eyes, and her anger began to dissolve despite her   
intent to the contrary. "I know," she said. "I said I hated you _at   
first_. And then I realized that you'd just done what you always do.   
You always ignore what you want, in order to make someone you love   
safe, if not happy. And I couldn't hate you anymore," she shrugged.   
  
Angel just looked at her, wishing there was something he could say to   
take away the pain and betrayal she must have felt, still felt, after   
finding out what he'd let the Oracles take from her. "I am sorry,   
Buffy. But I'm sorry that you remembered, not for what I did. I did   
what I thought was right."   
  
"You always do," Buffy shrugged. "But that's not what you were   
talking about a minute ago, when you said you were sorry, was it? So   
what are you sorry for?"   
  
"So many things," Angel replied. "Not being able to let you go. Not   
moving on like I insisted you should. Hoping there would still be a   
chance for us, even after all these years." He forced himself to keep   
looking at her, meeting her eyes, as he added, "I'm sorry that I was   
never able to stop loving you." He realized then that one thing   
telling the truth had accomplished was rendering Buffy Summers   
speechless.   
  
"I need that coffee," she finally said, abruptly walking out of the   
room.   
  
****************** 


	10. 10

Part Ten  
5:30 am  
  
Angel waited for Buffy to return, realizing she needed a moment to   
think things through on her own. He took advantage of the time to   
look around at Buffy's house. Buffy and Riley's house, that much was   
obvious from the pictures of them on the walls and fireplace mantel.   
He stood to get a better look and remembered why he hadn't liked   
Riley. Oh, he'd seemed like a nice enough guy. He'd disliked Riley   
because Riley was able to give Buffy the one thing he hadn't even   
been able to try to give her: a future. Point proven by the fact   
they'd been married for nineteen years, apparently happily. He was   
glad Buffy had had that, he tried to convince himself of that,   
anyway. Then he saw a wedding picture, and until that moment had been   
at peace with all he had given up. As he stared at the love of his   
life, in an exquisite wedding gown, in the arms of another man, he   
realized that his years in hell had been nothing in comparison to the   
pain felt at that moment.   
  
He tore his eyes away finally and composed his emotions. He then   
realized that Buffy had been gone for almost fifteen minutes. He   
walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. She was standing   
at the kitchen sink, her back to him. He knew that she was crying by   
the slight shaking of her shoulders. He was torn, wanting to comfort   
her but knowing she'd push him away if he tried. "Buffy?"  
  
  
She stilled instantly. She cursed herself for letting him see her   
like this. It had just been too much for her to take all in one   
night, though. When he'd told her that he still loved her, that had   
been the last straw. She'd had to get out of there to get a grip on   
her emotions. A part of her wanted to run into those strong arms of   
his and never leave them again. The other part of her though, that   
part felt doing that would be the ultimate betrayal of Riley. Wasn't   
that what he'd always been afraid of? That one day she would leave   
him for Angel?   
  
And besides, the problem with Angel was that he always left her. *He   
may have loved me once, he may still love me, but it's never enough.   
He never believed in our love, not really. Not enough to try to make   
it work. I can't let him back in again, only to lose him when he gets   
scared and runs away.*  
  
"Please leave," she finally choked out the words, and slowly turned   
to face him.   
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I will go," Angel replied softly. "I shouldn't   
have laid all this on you at once. We can finish talking later, when   
you've had time to process everything. I'm staying at the Holiday Inn-  
-"  
  
"No!" she cut him off quickly. "I mean really go, Angel. I want you to leave   
my town. Now," she said quietly. Inside, her heart was breaking again, but   
she controlled her facial expression with no small amount of effort. "And   
don't come back," she choked out. At the stricken expression on his face,   
she had to turn away. It tore her apart to see that she could still hurt him.   
However, at the same time, it seemed only fair, since he could still hurt   
her so much after all these years too.   
  
  
Angel felt as if he couldn't hurt any more if she'd reached into his   
chest and pulled his heart out. "Okay," he managed to say, though his   
voice was husky with emotion. "I'll leave. I'm sorry, I... won't   
bother you again." He turned and walked back outside.   
  
The moment he shut the door behind himself, he heard Buffy let out a   
heart-wrenching wail. He winced, wanting nothing more than to run   
back inside, take her in his arms and never let go. But he couldn't.   
She didn't want him anymore. He'd made his choices, and it had cost   
him the only woman he would ever love. Now the only thing he could do   
for her was to leave, this time for good.   
  
*That was the plan from the beginning, wasn't it?* he reminded himself.   
*Funny how fate ends up making you keep those promises you didn't really   
want to keep in the first place.* He tried to regain his composure as the   
tears started to fall. Finally, he'd gotten control of his emotions enough   
to walk away. He had every intention of going back to the hotel, getting his   
car, and return to L.A.  



	11. 11

Part 11  
  
Buffy heard the door shut and sank to her knees, letting out a scream   
of anger and pain. She hadn't thought it would hurt so much when   
Angel left again. Losing Riley had hurt her more than she'd imagined   
it would, but losing Angel always hurt worse. No matter how many years  
they had spent apart, he was still a part of her.   
  
She realized Jack was barking frantically. Her scream had agitated   
him. She pulled herself to her feet and made her way to her office,   
opening the door. "I'm fine," she said. She sat on the couch,   
curling into a tight ball, as Jack sat next to her. She laid there,   
staring at the wall, feeling too emotionally drained to even cry.  
  
*********  
  
Angel made it back to his hotel room, but decided he couldn't think   
about driving back to L.A. The only thing he could think about was   
the pain. The pain of losing Buffy again. "You'd think I'd get used   
to it by now. I've been here so many times before." He dropped his   
keys on the floor and shrugged out of his duster, falling into bed.   
  
His cellphone rang and he pulled himself out of bed to retrieve it   
from his coat pocket. Years of habit made him answer it. Cordelia, Wes   
and Gunn only used that number for important situations. "Yeah."   
  
"Angel, it's Wesley. I'm sorry to bother you so early, but Cordelia   
insisted that I contact you."   
  
"What's wrong?" Angel stopped to look over at his clock. It _was_   
early, just six a.m. "Is everyone okay?"  
  
"Cordelia had a vision an hour ago," Wesley said. "We tried, Angel,   
but..."   
  
Angel sat up, getting more worried now. It must have been bad,   
whatever it was. "What happened, Wes? Just tell me, this night can't   
get any worse."  
  
"I wouldn't wager on that," Wesley warned. "I hate to be the bearer   
of bad news," he sighed.   
  
"WES!"  
  
"Fine. Cordelia's vision, it wasn't detailed enough for us to get to   
her in time. She was attacked by a group of Chaos demons. We arrived   
too late to help her."  
  
"Her? Who's her?" Angel asked, but he already knew the answer.   
  
Silence on the other end.   
  
"Wesley--"   
  
"I'm so sorry, Angel. It was Faith. She's dead."   
  
Angel pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it for a   
moment in shock. He pressed the button to end the call. It rang   
again, but he turned off the phone instead of answering again. He   
knew it would be Cordelia and he wasn't in the mood for her fussing   
over him.  
  
He felt unbearable regret that he hadn't been in L.A. He SHOULD have   
been there. He could have stopped the attack and saved Faith. She'd been   
out of prison for ten years and had truly tried to change. She'd come   
a long way and had even returned to Slaying.   
  
She'd done it her way, though, insisting she always slayed better   
alone, despite Angel's protests that it wasn't safe. Faith hadn't   
cared about safe though, she'd needed danger in her life. He'd always   
suspected she had a death wish deep down; he was quite familiar with   
that feeling. Apparently she'd finally gotten her wish.   
  
**************************** 


	12. 12

Part 12  
  
Angel awakened to the sound of pounding on his door. He looked around   
in confusion, finally realizing he'd fallen asleep. He saw according   
to the clock at his bedside that it was ten a.m. *I slept for four   
hours?*  
  
"ANGEL! OPEN THIS DOOR - NOW!"  
  
Angel groaned, "Cordelia?" He went to the door, and pulled it open,   
demanding, "What are YOU doing here! I was coming back to L.A. this   
morning."   
  
Cordelia and Wesley were standing at the door. Cordelia stopped to   
take in his dissheveled appearance and sighed. "No, you're not," she   
replied and brushed past him into his hotel room.   
  
Wesley shrugged apologetically, as if to say, 'Did you expect me   
to be able to stop her?'  
  
"You might as well come in too," Angel grumbled and went to sit down   
on the bed.   
  
"Wesley and I spent a whole HOUR tracking you down," Cordelia   
said. "Your car wasn't at Buffy's, where it SHOULD have been," she   
added pointedly.   
  
"Cordelia--" Angel said warningly.   
  
"Don't 'Cordelia' me," she replied. "You didn't answer your phone   
again, after the news Wesley gave you. How was I _not_ supposed to be   
worried, Angel? So we came here to find you. I can only guess from the fact   
that you are in this hotel room and that you slept in the clothes you   
wore last night that things didn't go well with Buffy."   
  
Angel snorted in response.   
  
"I'll take that as a yes," Cordelia said. "Can I just ask you   
something?"   
  
"Do I really have a choice in the matter?" Angel countered.   
  
Cordelia gave him a raised eyebrow, "Are you two _ever_ going to grow   
up? I mean, you're what... two hundred eighty seven, and Buffy's going   
to be forty in a month. But you both _still_ insist on making things   
waaaaay too difficult."   
  
"Cordelia, I strongly suggest you mind your own business," Angel   
growled.   
  
"You stopped scaring me with your growly voice fifteen years ago,"   
Cordelia said rolling her eyes. "And why don't you get that I can't   
stay out of it because it _is_ my business, Angel?"   
  
"How do you figure that?"   
  
"In that you and Wesley are the closest thing to family I have," she   
said. "Hell, you guys HAVE been my family for over twenty years.   
Whether you like it or not, that means you get my help."   
  
"You want to help? Then don't meddle," Angel said. "I'm taking a   
shower, then we're all going back to L.A." He walked into the   
bathroom and slammed the door, indicating any further attempt at   
conversation would be futile.   
  
Cordelia turned to Wesley. "I'm going out. You let him leave and I'll   
skin you alive, got it?"   
  
"Yes ma'am," Wesley said, only slightly joking. He'd learned that   
when Cordelia was determined about something, it was impossible - and   
dangerous - to attempt to stop her. "May I ask where you're going?"   
  
"To visit an old highschool acquaintance," Cordelia replied and then   
walked out. 


	13. 13

****************  
Part 13  
  
Angel walked out of his bathroom, after showering and dressing.   
He felt more awake, if not better. He hadn't packed before leaving   
LA, so unfortunately he'd had to put on his very wrinkled clothes again.   
  
He saw Wesley sitting on a chair flipping through the television channels   
but no Cordelia present. That wasn't good.  
  
"Where's Cordelia?" Angel demanded.   
  
Wesley flinched and looked up at him. "I don't know?" he offered.  
  
"You're not a good liar, Wes," Angel replied. "Tell me, NOW."   
  
"She didn't exactly say..."   
  
"Wes-LEY...." Angel's voice rose on the second syllable, much the way   
parents do when scolding their children.   
  
"I imagine she's trying to fix things," Wesley said softly.  
  
"Come on," Angel said, grabbing Wesley by the arm and dragging him   
out of the hotel room.  
  
"Where are we going?" Wesley asked.   
  
"We're going to find Cordelia," Angel explained, releasing his   
arm. "And you're coming along to keep me from killing her if we find   
her bothering Buffy. In fact, if she's there, you're going to get her   
out of Buffy's hair, I don't care if you have to drag her away kicking and   
screaming."   
  
"I don't understand," Wesley said, but followed Angel to the car,   
getting in the passenger seat. "Why can't you--"   
  
"Buffy doesn't want to see me." Angel cut him off.   
  
"Angel, I'm sure that's not tru--" Wesley trailed off as Angel glared   
at him. "None of my business. Right," he nodded.   
  
"I'm sorry," Angel said after a few minutes of driving in silence. "I   
discovered I shouldn't have come here, Wesley. I don't want Cordelia   
making things worse."   
  
"Oh. I'm sorry things didn't go well," Wesley said. "But Cordelia just   
wants to help --"   
  
"She can't help, Wes. Nobody can. There's no way to 'fix' it, because   
some things can't be fixed."   
  
********  
  
Cordelia found the address of the Harris' apartment, without too much   
trouble. She and Willow had become friends over the years and she and   
Xander had made their peace. She still found it amusing that she'd   
figured out they belonged together long before they had. She had even   
been invited to their wedding, but demon-fighting had spoiled her   
plans to attend.   
  
She knocked on the door, checking her watch. It was eleven, hopefully   
they'd be up. And hopefully they'd be willing to help.   
  
"Cordelia!" Willow exclaimed in surprise, before hugging her. "Wow,   
this is unexpected. Come in," she invited, stepping back. "What   
brings you to Sunnydale?"   
  
"Where's Xander?" Cordelia asked.   
  
"Here," Xander walked into the living room. "Hey, Cordy. What's up?"   
  
"Good, because I only want to say this once," Cordelia said. "I'm   
thinking he's looking for me and rather ticked off, so I'm going to   
go with the short story. I promise I'll fill in all the details   
later."   
  
"Who's looking for you?" Willow asked.   
  
"Angel."   
  
"But it's daytime. Last I knew, Deadboy didn't get along with the   
sun," Xander protested.   
  
"They declared a truce seeing as Angel's now alive," Cordelia   
replied.   
  
************ 


	14. 14

Part 14  
  
Willow and Xander looked at Cordelia in shock for a full minute.   
Finally, Willow found her voice. "Sitting now would be a good thing,"   
Willow said finally. Xander nodded, and joined her on the couch.   
  
"Okay, I _am_ sorry for the bombshell. Like I said I'm going to fill   
in all the details later, but it's true. He's a living, breathing   
human now."   
  
"And he's back in Sunnydale why?" Xander questioned.   
  
"Because of Buffy," Willow replied, knowing the answer   
immediately. "He wants her back."  
  
"Exactly," Cordelia said with a relieved sigh that Willow   
understood. "The only thing that ever kept him away from Buffy was   
the fact that he was a vampire. And now that he's alive, he can't   
help hoping they can be together again."   
  
"Why are _you_ here, Cordy?" Xander asked.   
  
"Because apparently their little meeting last night didn't go very   
well," Cordelia said. "I'm not sure what happened, but I know it was   
bad. If Angel were still a vamp, he'd be taking a walk outside about   
now."  
  
"I'm sorry, but remind me why that's a _bad_ thing?" Xander asked.   
  
"XANDER!!!!" both females yelled at him.   
  
"I'm sorry," he shrugged. "But then again, I'm not. Cordy, you're his   
friend, I get that you want him to be happy and all that stuff. But I   
don't see the good in those two getting back together again--"   
  
"But--"   
  
"Hear me out, Cordy, I really do have a point," Xander insisted. She   
sighed and nodded, and he continued, "I remember what it was like   
when he left her. Willow, Giles, and I had to pick up the pieces. I   
remember what she went through and I can't blame her for not wanting   
to let him have that opportunity to hurt her again."   
  
"It's not like that anymore, Xander," Cordelia protested.   
  
"Why? Because he's human now? I don't believe that and I bet she   
doesn't either. I think what was wrong with them had a whole lot less   
to do with Angel being a vampire, or with the happiness clause, than   
he'd like to believe. He loved her, she loved him; and they could   
have figured it out somehow. But I think he left because he thought   
he deserved to be miserable. How does Buffy know he won't just   
disappear on her again if things get tough, or he decides he's not   
quite done with his need to be miserable after all?"  
  
Cordelia opened her mouth to argue, then shut it again. She realized   
that Xander's opinion of Angel wasn't going to change anytime   
soon. "Fine," she said with a sigh. "I can't convince you that this   
blow-up between them is another disaster waiting to happen. I'll have   
to salvage this mess myself." She turned to go, when Willow stopped   
her.   
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
"Yeah, Willow?" Cordelia turned back to them.   
  
"They've got the kind of love that doesn't go away easily. They'll   
find their way back together again, I know that," Willow replied with   
a smile.   
  
"I hope so," Cordelia shrugged. "I was so looking forward to a non-  
brooding Angel." She turned away again, "Bye you two."   
  
"Hey, Cordy," Xander called her back this time.   
  
"Yes, Xander?"   
  
"Come over tonight around seven, we'll go out to dinner. We'll drag   
Buffy out with us too."   
  
She smiled at him, she could tell he was trying to make peace with   
her. "Sounds like fun. I'll see you guys then."  
  
"It'll be just like old times," Willow said happily.   
  
"Well, I hope not _just_ like old times," Cordelia said. "I can leave   
the high school days very far behind, thanks."   
  
"Oh. Yeah. Bad Willow," Willow said with an embarrassed look.  
  
"It's okay. I'll see you guys tonight," Cordelia said, and let   
herself out.  
  
*************  
  
"Go." Angel muttered as they pulled up to the front of Buffy's house.   
  
Wesley didn't reply, simply got out of the car and walked up to the   
door. He hoped that he would think of something to say to Buffy when   
she answered his knock. She opened the door, and he felt a wave of   
sympathy for her as he took in her pale, tear-stained face and   
bloodshot eyes. She looked at him for a moment, frowning.  
  
"Wesley?" she said, as recognition hit.   
  
"Buffy," he smiled at her. "It's good to see you. I know this must be   
a surprise. I'm actually looking for Cordelia, believe it or not."   
  
"Why would she be...." she trailed off as she looked over his   
shoulder. Her face spasmed in pain, just briefly, before she   
recovered her emotions. She looked back at Wesley. "She's not here,"   
she whispered and leaned up against the door for support.   
  
"All right, I apologize for bothering you," Wesley said with a slight   
shrug. He looked at her in confusion as she burst into a near-  
hysterical giggling fit.  
  
"Sorry, I just- have heard - that more - than once - today," Buffy   
said, as she slowly pulled herself back under control, wiping the   
tears from her eyes.   
  
"Oh," Wesley replied, looking at her worriedly. He couldn't even   
imagine painful her confrontation with Angel had been. "Buffy, I   
have some news, but I don't want to burden you with it now. It is   
important. Slayer-related. Could I meet with you and Giles later this   
evening?"  
  
"I'll call Giles, and ask him to join us for dinner," Buffy   
said. "Come by around seven?"   
  
"That's fine. Buffy, I'm--" he swallowed the apology that was   
instinctive, figuring she didn't want anything but the opportunity to   
forget. "I'll see you then," he settled with saying, before turning   
to go.   
  
  
Buffy watched Wesley turn to go, and stole another glance at the man   
in the driver's seat of the car. He was staring ahead, refusing to   
look at her. She knew, by the rigid way he was sitting, that he was   
barely holding in his emotions. She wanted.... she sighed, and   
stepped back to shut the door. She wanted so many things, so many   
things that could never be. She turned to look at her dog and   
said, "One more day, Jack. Then I start my life over, yet again. This   
time is a little different though. I'm single now and that's the way   
I want to stay.  
  
*********** 


	15. 15

Part 15  
  
Wesley and Angel had returned to the hotel; and Wesley had stopped in   
the lobby to get two more rooms, as it appeared that Cordelia had no   
intention of going anywhere at the present time. Angel had grumbled,   
but given in. He'd mentioned something about needing to sleep, and   
went back to his own room.   
  
He laid on the bed, but was unable to actually sleep. It was   
impossible, when he was in the same town as Buffy. He wanted nothing   
more than to get home, and away from all of this pain. He snorted   
with laughter. *Away from the pain? Yeah, right. Pain's your life,   
Angel. Always has been, always will be.*   
  
There was a timid knock on the door, and Angel leapt out of bed to   
open it. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, not allowing the   
visitor to enter. "Where the hell have you been? But I don't really   
want to know. Because I'm going home, and you can come with, or hitch   
a ride back with a psychopath if you insist."   
  
"I thought I made this clear earlier," Cordelia replied, with a   
raised eyebrow. "Nobody's going anywhere. You need to work it out   
with--"   
  
"ENOUGH!" Angel yelled with enough force to make Cordelia jump   
back. "I'm. Going. Home." He glared at her, accompanying each word   
with a point of his finger in her direction. His entire demeanor   
dared her to argue with him.   
  
She simply smiled enigmatically at him and walked back to her own   
room. He heard the door shut, and he didn't really want to check, but   
he had to. He walked across the parking lot to his car, and couldn't   
believe his eyes. She had slashed all four of his tires. He forced   
himself to count to ten. Five times in a row. When he was no longer   
seeing red, he stalked back to his room and slammed the door.   
  
*************  
3 pm  
  
  
Angel had called a tow-truck and they had towed the car to a local   
mechanic's shop. They'd assured him his car would be ready to drive   
by five pm. Wesley had walked outside when the tow-truck had showed   
up, and had apologized for Cordelia's actions. "It's fine, Wes. You   
didn't know she was going to do that," he shrugged. He looked to the   
door of her room. "I'm taking the cost of the tires out of her   
paycheck. Maybe she'll be getting a pink slip along with that   
paycheck."   
  
Wesley didn't defend her, and Angel was grateful for that. "Angel,   
I'm going to speak to Giles and Buffy tonight, and tell them about   
Faith."   
  
Angel nodded, it had occurred to him some time earlier that Buffy   
might need to know, and was glad Wesley was taking on that   
responsibility. "Her death, did it..."   
  
"Call another slayer?" Wesley asked. Angel nodded again, and he   
said, "I contacted the Council, and yes they have called another   
slayer. They don't officially recognize Buffy as a slayer, you   
remember, but they still accept her usefulness on the hellmouth. The   
new slayer is taking up residence in Romania, there's a small town   
there that has been overrun by vampires and other demons."  
  
"I see," Angel said. "What time are you meeting them?"   
  
"Seven p.m. If you'd prefer to just leave, I can catch a bus back to   
LA," Wesley offered.  
  
Angel sighed, and shrugged. "No, that's fine. I'll wait for you. Will   
you please tell Cordelia to be ready to return to LA with us at ten   
tonight?"   
  
"I'll tell her," Wesley agreed. "And I'll make sure to confiscate any   
sharp objects she has in her possession," he added, in an attempt   
at humor.   
  
Angel smiled. He'd gotten over his anger at Cordelia enough to almost   
find the previous few hours funny. Almost. "Thanks," he said, and   
returned to his motel room.  
  
*************  



	16. 16

Part 16  
7 pm  
  
Buffy let Giles in when he knocked. "Hey, Giles," she greeted her   
Watcher, who had his nose stuck in a dusty book. "I just ordered   
Chinese."   
  
"That demon you killed a few nights ago, I think I found it in this   
book." He handed her the book and followed her inside. She sat, and   
looked at the picture of a demon with yellow skin, webbed hands and   
feet. It looked harmless enough on paper, but Buffy had found it a   
definite challenge to kill. She'd finally succeeded in doing so by   
beheading it.   
  
"Yeah, that's it. A Grumlik demon? Okay. So why the research, do you   
think there are more?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Most likely, it's a pack demon."   
  
"Great, I suppose I'll go see if I can locate their hideout after   
dinner," Buffy sighed. "But I need more weapons and holy water first.   
It's been a long week, and demons are getting better at taking away   
and breaking my weapons."   
  
"In the weapons chest back at my place," Giles replied, putting the   
book down and polishing his glasses.   
  
"I'll drop by and get them before I go out," Buffy said, as she got   
up to answer the doorbell. "Come on in, Wesley."  
  
"Buffy," Wesley nodded. "You're looking well."   
  
"Expected me to be dead long before now, didn't you?" Buffy asked.   
  
"That's not what I meant," Wesley protested.   
  
"Sure it was," she shrugged, joining them to sit down. "And I don't   
take it as an insult at all. We all know that slayers don't usually   
live more than five years after they're called, and I understand why   
now. It's hard to have any kind of a normal life. I guess I've   
managed, but staying alive the last twenty years isn't all thanks to   
me alone. Riley gets a lot of the credit," she said. "He made this   
his life too, until it killed him." She looked away, as she didn't   
want to see the inevitable sympathetic expression. She'd mourned for   
a year, and had intended to start moving on.  
  
"I am very sorry about what happened to him, Buffy," Wesley said.   
  
"Thanks, Wesley," she smiled at him. "I miss him, but I'm dealing.   
Now, to change the subject. Why don't you go ahead and tell me what's   
so important?"   
  
"Hold that thought just a moment," Giles said as the doorbell rang.   
He answered it, and paid the delivery boy. They settled back down   
with their food, and Buffy looked at Wesley expectantly.   
  
"Okay," Wesley said with a sigh. "There's no easy way to say this,   
except to just say it. Faith's been killed."   
  
Buffy frowned. "Well, I think my first reaction is: she was still   
alive? My second reaction, and I'm sorry if this offends you, but...   
yay?"   
  
"I realize there was no love lost between the two of you," Wesley   
said. "She was far from my favorite person, too. But I'm telling you   
this, because you need to know that another slayer has been called."  
  
"Of course she has, because things just _have_ to be that   
complicated," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. "So is she evil too?"  
  
"Buffy please," Giles frowned at her. "Tell us about her, Wesley."   
  
"Well, she's fifteen, her name is Analiese, and she's currently in   
Romania. They've been training her for some time, in the event she   
was needed to replace Buffy, actually. In the past two days she's   
slain twenty vampires."   
  
"Not bad for a newbie," Buffy admitted. "So, am I going to be   
replaced?"   
  
"I really don't know what the Council's plans are," Wesley   
replied. "When Faith was killed, I called them to find out if they   
knew. And they told me of the new Slayer."   
  
"Well, thank you for telling me, Wesley," Buffy said with a smile. "I   
realize that I'm not the Council's favorite Slayer, I'm not really   
sure if they still consider me a Slayer. But it's nice to be warned   
about these things."   
  
"You're welcome," Wesley shrugged. "I was here, anyway, so..."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy's face darkened, and she got up abruptly, walked into   
the kitchen.  
  
"And I'm still a bumbling idiot," Wesley said with a sigh.   
  
"No you're not," Giles protested. At Wesley's questioning look, he   
shrugged. "Well, not as much as you used to be, anyway," he said with   
a smile.   
  
**************  
  
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Buffy said to Willow,   
making a face. She'd called Willow after killing off the other   
demons, and she'd invited her to go out with her and Xander. "A   
country/western dance club?"   
  
"It's fun!" Willow said with a smile, pulling her friend over to   
where Cordelia and Xander were sitting.   
  
"Hi Buffy," Cordelia said cheerfully.   
  
Buffy looked at her suspiciously. "What, the _entire_ LA gang decided   
to take a field trip?"   
  
"Don't start," Cordelia warned. "I was planning on being nice to you   
tonight. Even though you ripped poor Angel's heart out--" Xander   
grabbed Buffy by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor,   
effectively ending the probable cat-fight.   
  
"'Come on, Buffy, it'll be fun!'" Buffy said, glaring at Xander.   
  
"Hey, we're all trying here," Xander said defensively. "Cordelia   
cares about An--"   
  
"NOOOOO!" Buffy screamed. "Don't mention his name, Xander."   
  
"Fine," Xander replied, "Let's just try to have fun, Buff."   
  
Buffy sighed and shrugged. Xander had a dance style all his own, and   
it soon cheered her up. He would randomly spin and dip her, and she   
was soon laughing, and enjoying herself.   
  
And then she looked over at the table. Wesley and Angel had walked   
up, and were chatting with Cordelia. Buffy stopped abruptly, and   
Xander pulled her off the dance floor so they didn't get in the   
way. "What's wrong?" he asked, and then he saw what she was looking   
at.   
  
"Did you--" Buffy turned on him angrily.   
  
"No!" Xander backed away, hands up in a defensive gesture. "Willow's   
my guess. My wife wants you to be happy, because we're so happy, and   
she wishes you weren't alone."   
  
"I'm not alone," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. And I'm not sixteen   
anymore, I haven't needed HIM for a long time."   
  
"Fine, but what would it really hurt to be civil to him?" Xander   
asked. "And I can't believe I'm even on this side of the   
conversation," he said with a grin. "What's wrong with this picture?"   
  
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Buffy replied sarcastically. "Fine. Civil. I'm good at   
civil." She grumbled as she followed Xander over to the table.   
  
************ 


	17. 17

Part 17  
  
Angel looked up and saw Buffy and Xander approaching. *I should have   
known from the smug smile on Cordy's face this was a setup.* He   
glared at Cordelia who simply smiled back at him. *That was look   
#52: 'You Won't Dare Do Anything To Me NOW; we're in Public!'* Yes,   
he'd categorized almost all of them, a side-product of spending the   
last 20 years working together.   
  
Buffy and Xander walked up, and Angel said, "Buffy, I didn't--"   
  
Buffy cut him off with a raised hand. "Didn't think you did," she   
shrugged.   
  
"Wesley I've GOT to talk to you, now!" Cordelia said as she dragged   
Wesley away.   
  
"Wait," Angel trailed off with a sigh and shake of his head as he   
discovered he was talking to thin air. "I'll go, they can find their   
own way back to L.A."   
  
"No you won't," Willow said, moving to block his way to the exit and   
facing him with arms crossed. "Sit."   
  
"I--"   
  
"SIT!" she yelled, pointing at a chair.   
  
Angel shrugged sheepishly and obeyed. Xander chuckled, "Smart move."  
  
"You too," Willow said, turning to Buffy.   
  
"Will--"  
  
"SIT!"   
  
Buffy frowned, but followed orders too.   
  
"Good," Willow said with a sigh of relief. "Buffy, if you two don't   
at least smooth things over to the point where you can be civil to   
each other, you'll be miserable for days. And I'm tired of seeing you   
miserable. And Angel, I'm shocked at you, that you're even   
contemplating leaving things this way. You two could TRY being   
friends. Strange concept, but take it from me, it works. Xander,   
let's dance." And with that, Willow and Xander left Buffy and Angel   
at the table alone.   
  
Buffy glared after her, but it didn't phase Willow. So she turned   
back to Angel with a sigh, saying, "I was harsh, and childish. I said   
what I did, the way that I did, because I wanted to hurt you. And I   
apologize."  
  
"You don't have to apologize," Angel said with a shrug. "I should be   
the one apologizing. It wasn't fair of me to hit you with all this at   
once."  
  
"It's okay," Buffy replied, looking away. "I guess there wouldn't be   
a right way to say, 'Oh, by the way, I'm alive now.' I just really   
need _you_ to understand that I can't go back. I won't. There's too   
much pain that way. It seems like all we ever did, and keep doing, is   
hurt each other." She met his eyes but had to look away again at the   
pain she saw in them. "Do you think we can be friends? Like Willow   
said?"   
  
"I'm willing to give it a shot if you are," Angel replied. She looked   
back at him again, and he saw the uncertainty in her expression. "I   
won't pressure you, Buffy. If you want us to be nothing more than   
friends, I can respect that."   
  
Buffy nodded, and smiled finally. "Okay. Friends. I can live with   
that."   
  
"Good," Angel smiled back.   
  
  
"So? No yelling. Did we declare a truce?" Willow asked hopefully as   
she and Xander returned to the table a few minutes later.   
  
"Yeah, Wills. We decided friends wasn't such a bad thing to try,"   
Buffy replied.   
  
"I need to find Cordelia, and get back to L.A.," Angel said. "But   
I'll talk to you...."   
  
"Soon," Buffy assured him with a smile. She felt much more   
comfortable around him, already. She hoped they could make a   
friendship work, because Willow was right, the alternative wasn't   
something she could deal with.   
  
"Good," Angel said. He said his goodbyes to Willow and Xander, then   
was off in search of his wayward employees.   
  
"So?" Willow asked again when he'd left.   
  
"Don't 'so' me," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes. "Friends,   
Willow. I'm not interested in anything else."   
  
"Sure you aren't," Willow said agreeably, while managing to look   
completely unconvinced.  
  
************************  



	18. 18

Part 18  
  
Two weeks later  
Friday, 5 pm  
  
Cordelia was doing the last of the paperwork for Angel   
Investigations' last job, a completely un-supernatural stalking case,   
when Angel walked into the office. "I'm sending the bill out in the   
mail to Julianna first thing in the morning," she said, and noticed   
the face Angel made. "Don't start," she warned. "I swear, after over   
twenty years, you think you'd have gotten used to the fact that   
people paying us for our work is quite normal and accepted behavior."   
  
"Somehow I just don't think that my need to make amends included my   
getting money out of doing it," Angel replied shrugging. "But I guess   
I do agree it helps keep things uncomplicated. People don't feel as   
indebted to me - us - if they can pay us back in some way."   
  
"That's right," Cordelia said. "And besides, now you've joined the   
land of the living, you have to have the basic necessities. How else   
are you gonna get them if you don't have a job?"   
  
"It doesn't mean I have to _enjoy_ taking other people's money,"   
Angel replied. "Unlike some people--" he was cut off by the phone   
ringing, and he grabbed it before Cordy could.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
Cordelia smiled as she saw his face light up, knowing exactly who it   
was before he said another word.   
  
"That's good, Buffy. I'll be waiting for you all to get here around   
eight, then? Okay. See you."   
  
Angel couldn't help the silly smile he knew was on his face when he   
hung up the phone. He always felt better just hearing Buffy's voice.   
The last two weeks they'd made real progress in rebuilding their   
friendship. The first week, he'd called her on Monday and Wednesday,   
and they'd found that they were more comfortable talking on the phone   
to each other than face to face. Then he'd visited Sunnydale that   
weekend. They'd spent their time together in the company of their   
other friends, as it made Buffy feel more comfortable not to be alone   
with him. This past week, he'd called her Monday, and then had wanted   
to give her her space the next night. She'd surprised him by calling   
him then, but it had been a pleasant surprise. They'd somehow fallen   
into the habit of talking to each other on the phone every night that   
week, due to one calling the other.   
  
Through the visits and the phone calls, they'd become close again,   
but in a different way than before. When they'd both lived in   
Sunnydale twenty-some years earlier, they'd been lovers, they'd been   
dependent on each other, but had never really been friends. And he   
was discovering that had been a great loss on his part. He liked   
Buffy, she was an intelligent, strong woman, she had a great sense of   
humor and ability to make him laugh even when he'd had a miserable   
day.  
  
True to his promise to her two weeks earlier, though, he hadn't even   
approached the subject of their being anything more than friends. He   
valued the friendship which was developing between them too much to   
jeopardize it by frightening her away. If they would never be   
anything more than friends, he could live with that.   
  
"So?" Cordelia finally asked, pulling him out of his reverie, "She   
coming or not?"  
  
"Buffy, Willow, and Xander are driving here tonight," Angel   
replied. "She wasn't sure she'd be able to leave, but things on the   
Hellmouth have been slow enough that Giles told them to take the   
night off."  
  
"So when is she going to stop using Willow and Xander as chaperones?"   
Cordelia questioned.  
  
"Cordy..." Angel's voice was warning. "Don't start."  
  
Cordelia laughed at that, and Angel just stared at her in   
amazement. "I'm sorry, Angel, but after I dared to harm your precious   
car and still lived through it; I've figured you out. You're a big   
softy and you just don't have it in yourself to do anything bad to   
me."  
  
"You can thank WESLEY for that and not me," Angel said. "He reminded   
me that, like it or not, you're my seer. I'm stuck with you.   
Otherwise, you'd have been back job hunting again after attacking my   
car, Miss Chase.  
  
"Yeah right," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Angel, The Powers haven't   
sent me a vision since you discovered you can still tan. So that   
argument just doesn't fly. It begs the question of why you really   
haven't fired me, and the answer is very simple. You like me, you   
don't want to fire me."  
  
"I admire your persistence and your fearlessness," Angel admitted   
with a sigh. "And I appreciate the fact that your actions are always   
well-intentioned, Cordy, but most of the time they cause me to   
seriously consider wringing your neck."   
  
Cordy laughed again, "The thought of you even trying to hurt me is   
just not something I can get my mind around. You, the one who gets a   
guilt trip over setting mouse traps here in the hotel. You'd never   
hurt me, Angel, anymore than I'd ever hurt you.   
  
"And to get back to our previous topic; you can growl all you want at   
me, but you know as well as I do that it's silly how Buffy insists on   
someone else being around when you two get together. It's almost as   
if she doesn't trust herself to be alone with you."  
  
Angel shook his head, "That's not it at all."   
  
"Oh, really?" Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "What is it, then?"  
  
"It's just ..." Angel fumbled for an explanation, "Buffy's just..."   
Angel trailed off and tried again. "It would just be too awkward if   
we were alone."   
  
"Why?" Cordelia challenged.  
  
"Because," Angel said, "Buffy knows how I still feel about her, but   
she just doesn't feel the same way--"   
  
"Oh, God," Cordelia cut him off, shaking her head. "Angel, don't take   
this the wrong way, but you're an idiot. When I found out that Buffy   
went off on you back in Sunnydale, I thought, for a while anyway,   
that maybe she HAD moved on. But then I saw the way she looked at   
you, that night at the bar, and every other time since then when i've   
seen you together. And let me fill you in on something. She still   
loves you, Angel, and if you don't see that, it's because you're not   
paying close enough attention."  
  
Angel thought about what she'd said and wondered if she could be   
right. He sighed, and said, "I can't think that way, Cordy."   
  
"Why not?" Cordelia asked. "Angel, if you leave things the way they   
are, pretending you're okay with just friendship between the two of   
you, you're going to regret it. The kind of lives we lead, we can't   
just take things like these slowly. Take it from me, Angel, you'll   
wake up one day and find out you waited too long, and she's gone   
before you had a chance."   
  
Angel knew immediately she was talking about Doyle. It was amazing   
how twenty years hadn't changed the guilt both of them felt over   
Doyle's death. Cordelia's guilt was of the 'I never told him'   
variety, and his was more of the 'I should've stopped him' variety.   
But they both missed him, all the same.   
  
"I understand what you're saying," Angel replied softly. "But I can't   
push her, it'll push her away."   
  
"I'm not saying 'push her'," Cordelia said. "I'm just saying, if you   
get an opportunity to say things that matter, don't ignore it." She   
stood then, with a smile. "But the lecture's over for now. Have fun   
tonight. I'll see you Monday, unless a vision decides otherwise."   
  
Angel smiled, knowing that as she'd hinted at earlier, chances of   
that happening were getting slimmer every day. She hadn't had a   
vision since the one that led them back to the Scourge. They were   
beginning to think the same thing, although none of them had voiced   
it yet as a probabability. That thing being: The Powers That Be   
apparently had released Angel from his obligation to them. "Okay,   
Cordy. See you," Angel replied. When she'd left, he turned to the   
phone again, to make dinner reservations for himself and the others.  
  
***************  



	19. 19

Part 19  
5 pm  
  
Buffy arrived at Willow and Xander's house, and knew something was   
wrong when she saw the extra car in the driveway. "Now what?" she   
wondered. She hoped they wouldn't have to cancel on Angel, she was   
looking forward to seeing him tonight.   
  
Xander let her in, and she knew from the apologetic look on his face   
exactly what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. "Oh,   
no," she said. "Don't back out on me."   
  
"I'm sorry, Buff," Xander said. "But Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg showed up   
just five minutes ago. What were we going to do, tell them they'd   
come here from New York for nothing?" Willow's parents had moved out   
of Sunnydale years earlier, while Willow was still in school. They   
only visited rarely, Buffy knew Willow wouldn't want to pass up this   
opportunity to spend time with them.  
  
Buffy sighed in resignation, "I wouldn't dream of asking Willow to   
ditch her parents. I'll just call Angel and tell him we can't come--"  
  
"You won't," Willow said walking up to them then. "I won't let you,   
Buffy. I'd feel awful if you canceled on him, with such little   
notice. You can still go to L.A. without us. We've got the hotel   
rooms reserved for the weekend, make use of at least one of them.   
Besdes, I'm sure Angel's really looking forward to seeing you. I know   
you were looking forward to going." Xander gave Willow a kiss on the   
cheek, before returning to the den to entertain the in-laws while his   
wife spoke to Buffy.  
  
Buffy hesitated. She couldn't go to L.A. without Willow and Xander,   
it would be too weird.   
  
Willow must have understood what she was thinking, because she   
added, "Buffy, you two can't spend the rest of your lives in a buffer   
zone. You will find yourselves alone together at some point in the   
future. Why put off the inevitable?"  
  
Buffy frowned, "It's just too awkward."   
  
"You just think it will be, but you've never given it enough of a   
chance to really find out," Willow pointed out. "Get back in your   
car, and drive to L.A. That's an order. Spend a nice evening with   
Angel, give yourselves the chance to really get to know each other   
again, without anyone else getting in the way. I think you'll find   
out that you can manage quite well without us."  
  
"Fine," Buffy finally said with a resigned sigh. "I guess you're   
right, it would happen eventually anyway."  
  
"That's right," Willow replied with a smile.  
  
"I swear, Willow, if your parents weren't the reason for your   
ditching, I'd think you planned this."  
  
"I'm not that devious!" Willow protested with a frown.   
  
Buffy laughed. "Sure, Will. I might call you tonight from the hotel,   
if that's okay?"   
  
"If you need me, I'm here," Willow replied. She gave her friend a   
hug, and added, "Just relax. It will be fine."  
  
"I hope so," Buffy said skeptically. "See ya."   
  
She then left the Harris house, and walked out to her car. After a   
moment of internal argument, she finally started it, and drove to the   
main interstate out of town and toward L.A.  
  
*************  



	20. 20

Part 20  
8 pm  
  
Angel was pacing, he couldn't stop. He knew they'd be here any   
minute. He hadn't seen Buffy since Sunday, but he'd spoken with her   
on the phone every day afterward. He tried not to think about what   
Cordelia had said, about Buffy still caring about him. He hadn't even   
contemplated it as a possibility, not since she'd told him they could   
only be friends. Now that he thought about it, he had caught her   
looking at him at times when she hadn't thought he was paying   
attention. Whenever he had, she'd blushed and muttered some excuse   
before looking away. He just hadn't given those situations a second   
thought, and now he wasn't sure why.   
  
Maybe it was just that she still felt a physical attraction to him.   
He definitely felt a physical attraction to her. She'd always   
affected him deeply, there was nothing he could do about that. Just   
the sight of her, and his mind would fill in the rest of the blanks:   
how soft her skin was, how her fingers felt touching him, how her   
skin tasted... "Stop it," he reprimanded himself, as he noticed his   
pants were suddenly too tight. Apparently it didn't even take the   
sight of her, he realized.   
  
*Why did I choose the leather pants?* he wondered. *Silly vanity.* He   
remembered now that she'd liked them once; so it had been a   
subconscious thing, changing into them. He'd chosen a blood-red silk   
shirt to top off the look. Not half bad, he'd realized, when he'd   
caught his reflection in the mirror shortly after changing. That was   
something he was still getting used to: passing a mirror and actually   
seeing someone in it that was him.   
  
He looked up as the door opened, and Buffy walked in. She looked   
incredible, wearing tight-fitting black pants and a dark blue blouse.   
If the look on her face was any indication, though, she wasn't in the   
best of moods. She gave him a small smile, and walked in. He then   
realized that Xander and Willow were not walking in behind her.   
  
"Hi, Angel," she said nervously. *Why am I nervous? This is Angel.   
Wearing those leather pants...and I think I'm going to stick to   
looking at his face so I don't start blushing.* "Willow and Xander   
couldn't come, Will's parents showed up unexpectedly."   
  
"I'm sorry to hear that they couldn't make it," Angel replied, trying   
to look disappointed, though he was actually thrilled he'd get to   
spend the evening alone with her. "But I'm glad you came anyway," he   
said with a smile. "Come in, sit down for a few minutes," he invited   
with a smile. "The dinner reservations aren't for another half-hour,   
and it only takes fifteen minutes to get there."  
  
She realized she was still standing in the doorway, and nodded,   
walking into the lobby and sitting with him on the couch. She leaned   
against the back of the couch and closed her eyes for a moment,   
trying to force herself to relax.   
  
"Long day?" Angel asked, having to ignore the urge to reach out and   
tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes and looked into his concerned ones. She   
smiled, "I'm fine. Long week, but I won't bore you with the details   
again." She'd already told him all the exciting demon fighting   
stories on the phone. "And yes, I'm tired, but that's all the more   
reason I need a relaxing weekend away from the Hellmouth."  
  
He'd smiled back, "A nice relaxing weekend. I'll do my best to give   
you just that. Shall we go?" He stood, and held out his hand to her   
before he could mentally smack himself upside the head. To his   
relief, she smiled and took his hand, letting him help her up.   
  
"After you," he said with a smile, gesturing her to the door.   
Together they walked outside to his car.  
  
****************  



	21. 21

Part 21  
  
10 pm  
  
Angel was driving them back to his hotel after dinner. Buffy was leaning against her seat back, looking over at him occasionally. He'd put the top down and she loved the feel of the cool night air on her skin. They'd had a nice, relaxing meal and it hadn't been awkward, much to her surprise. Angel was being a perfect gentleman, which was a good thing. *I wonder if he knows that all he would have to do is turn on that charm of his, and I'd fall into those big, strong arms...Subject change, now!* She looked out her window instead of at him and felt herself relaxing again.   
  
"Buffy?"   
  
"Yeah, Angel?" She turned to face him again.  
  
"You okay?" he asked. He was worried. She'd been quiet the entire   
ride back and he wondered if he'd said or done something earlier...   
He couldn't think of anything, but--  
  
"I'm fine," she said with a smile. "Really, I've had a great time so   
far." She noticed him visibly relax and realized her silence had led   
him to believe he'd done something to upset her. She hadn't meant to   
make him think that. She wasn't upset with him at all. He was letting   
their relationship remain a friendship, and she was grateful for the   
lack of pressure. She needed that right now: one thing in her   
life that was simple.   
  
"Good, I'm glad," Angel said, looking back at the road. "I'm enjoying   
spending time with you," he admitted softly. He looked over at her   
and was relieved when she smiled in response.   
  
"Ang--" They both jumped at a sudden crash of thunder. Followed   
by the skies opening up in a downpour. "AAH!" Buffy shrieked,   
as Angel pressed the button quickly to put the top up on the car. By   
the time it was up, though, they were both soaking wet.   
  
"That's just great," Angel muttered. "I'm sorry, Buffy."   
  
"For what?" she turned on him with a puzzled look. "Did you do a rain   
dance while I wasn't looking?" She giggled, and he soon joined her in   
her laughter.   
  
"Okay, so it wasn't _so much_ my fault, but still," Angel said with a   
shrug.   
  
"It's fine. It's not like slayers don't find themselves out in the rain quite often," she added, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to make herself look less horrible. "It's just   
water. It'll ruin my perfect makeup and my perfect hair, but I'll survive."  
  
Angel chuckled, glad she could be so pragmatic about it. "If   
you wanna look in the back seat, there's a towel back there," he   
said. At her confused look, he said, "Cordelia... demon blood or   
slime... Let's just say you don't want to know the verbal abuse I can   
get from her, if she can't clean those substances off her the minute she gets back into the car."   
  
It was Buffy's turn to laugh, remembering how Cordelia had barely   
managed as a member of the gang during high school. Buffy was amazed   
Cordy was still helping Angel out, after twenty years. She turned   
around and reached in the back seat, finding the towel as Angel   
promised. She patted herself down with it and then shivered slightly.   
The night was cool, and now she was wet.   
  
Angel noticed her shiver, and flipped the heater on quickly. He   
didn't want her to catch cold; somewhere in the back of his   
mind though, he knew that was an old wives' tale. He looked over at her, and swallowed hard, looking back at the road immediately. The way her wet clothes clung to her body, accenting her curves... He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, hoping she wouldn't notice the bulge in his too-tight-anyway leather pants.   
  
He noticed then that there was a problem with the car. He looked in his side rear view mirror, and muttered, "You've got to be kidding me."   
  
"What?" Buffy wondered. She looked behind them, but didn't see   
anything that would cause his sudden irritation. She did take   
note that they were in a not very nice looking part of town. Shortly   
before she realized that the car seemed to be... "Oh, no. Not a flat!" she exclaimed.   
  
Angel sighed, and nodded as he pulled to the side of the road. What a great end to the night. For one thing, it was still raining cats and dogs. Beside that, they were now in the worst part of L.A. with a flat tire. "I'm afraid so," he shrugged. "Stay put, I'll have the spare on in no time."   
  
Buffy watched him in the rear view mirror, smiling at his cursing and   
muttering at the offending tire. She looked up for a moment, and felt   
a sudden dread as she saw five men approaching them down the sidewalk.  
  
**************** 


	22. 22

Part 22  
10:30 pm  
  
Angel looked up as Buffy got out of the car. "Buffy, what--" She   
motioned him to look behind her, and he saw what had worried her.   
There were five men walking toward them and they didn't look like   
they wanted to help. "Get back in the car," he said softly. "I'll   
have this tire changed in just a few more minutes."   
  
She shook her head. "Angel, you're human now. Cordelia told me that   
you've gotten hurt more than once these past two weeks because you   
insist on acting like you still have your vampire strength. So no, I'm not leaving you alone when I can very easily deal with five thugs   
with one hand tied behind my back."   
  
Angel sighed, but didn't argue with her. He turned his attention back to getting the spare tire on the car. Maybe they could get going before--  
  
"Hey!"   
  
--or maybe not.   
  
Angel and Buffy looked over and saw the men were within five feet of   
them. Angel stood up, moving in front of Buffy in a protective   
attitude. Buffy let him do so, knowing he wouldn't stop her from   
jumping into the fight if there was one.  
  
"Need help?" One of the men asked with a grin that didn't make Angel   
feel they actually wanted to _help_. They were all caucasian, in   
their mid-twenties, wearing jeans and t-shirts.   
  
"We're fine," Angel said. "I got a flat tire, but it's almost fixed."   
He frowned as the men spread out in a semi-circle, trapping himself   
and Buffy between the car and them. "I said, we're fine," he repeated  
firmly. "I appreciate the offer of help, but--"   
  
One of the men on his right lunged at them with a knife but Buffy   
grabbed his hand, twisting it roughly. Angel smiled as he heard the   
cracking of bones, followed by a scream as the man dropped the knife.   
  
Angel bent to pick up the knife, while still keeping his eyes on   
their would-be attackers. "You guys really don't want to do this," he   
warned them. "My ...friend here, she's a black belt in Karate and she   
knows several other martial arts as well. I ... well, I can hold my   
own in a fight." *Especially if it's a fight to protect the woman I   
love,* he thought.  
  
"Two against four?" the man who appeared to be the leader spoke   
again. "I don't think the odds are with you, Man. I don't care how good a fighter the bitch is. We just want your money, then we'll be on our way."   
  
"No." Angel and Buffy replied simultaneously.   
  
The men looked at each other and then all lunged at Buffy and Angel. Angel met the leader head on, dodging the knife he was waving, ready to use the one in his hand if needed. He yelled with surprise as he felt a the cold blade of a knife enter his side from behind.   
  
Buffy threw a few punches, then heard Angel's yell. She felt a moment   
of sickness as she saw the blood soaking Angel's shirt. She threw the   
nearest man at the offending asshole who'd stabbed Angel, sending   
them both sprawling on the ground. When they got back up off the ground, they'd both lost their knives. "Hand to hand combat, much more fair," Angel said. Unlike them, he hadn't wanted to cause unrepairable injuries. He threw the knife in his hand as far away as possible and tackled his attacker.   
  
Buffy sighed with relief as Angel smiled over at her, appearing to be   
okay. She turned back just in time to see one of the other men charge at her. She stepped aside and he ran fullspeed into the side of the car. He stood dazed for a moment, then turned. She grabbed him by the hair, slamming his head against the car hood. She moved away   
as he slid to the ground unconscious.   
  
"Hey!" she yelled as another man slashed her in the arm with his   
knife. "I don't know where that thing's been, so I'm really gonna   
have to hurt you now," she growled, before kicking him in the gut. He   
went flying across the field. She turned to grab another man before   
he tackled Angel.   
  
It was the man who'd started this whole mess, she realized. "What,   
you're _still_ here???" she wondered. "Guess I'll have to break the   
other hand then," she added, grabbing said hand and twisting. He   
screamed and fell to his knees in agony. "I'll let you go, if you run   
away," she offered. He nodded, whimpering. She released his hand, and   
to her complete lack of surprise, he tackled her around the knees.   
She fell to the ground but then kicked out with both feet, connecting   
with his groin. He screamed again, and this time he did stumble off   
into the darkness.   
  
Angel let his "attacker" go then, watching as the man grabbed the   
unconscious one and dragged him off in the same direction as the   
others had gone. Angell then turned back to Buffy. He noticed the gash on her arm and his face paled.  
  
"Just a scratch," she replied. "You on the other hand, my friend, got   
skewered." She was trying to be flippant to hide the worry she felt.   
She turned away and knelt by the car and finished changing the tire.   
When she stood, she noticed Angel's surprised expression. "Yeah, I   
can drive too, now," she said with a grin. "Which will come in handy,   
since you're not going to do anything of the sort," she added,   
opening the passenger side door for him.  
  
Angel nodded and got into the car. Buffy got in the driver's seat,   
and soon they were on their way to the Hyperion.   
  
******** 


	23. 23

********  
Part 23  
11:30 pm  
  
When they arrived, Buffy jumped out and ran to Angel's side. She put   
an arm around his waist to help him walk into the building.  
  
"Buffy, I'm fine," Angel protested.   
  
"You've just been stabbed," she reminded him. "Let me help you."   
  
He nodded, not really minding her arm around his waist. Besides, if he lowered his head just slightly, he could catch the scent   
of her shampoo...Yes, he was hopeless; he knew this.  
  
Buffy helped him inside, and he pointed toward the   
hallway. "Bathroom." She nodded, and they walked into the room.  
  
"Get your shirt off," she said as she found the bandages and alcohol.   
Angel did as asked and looked down at the wound. It didn't look all   
_that_ bad, even though it hurt like hell.   
  
Buffy turned back to Angel and had to catch her breath. She'd as of   
yet not seen him shirtless and she realized now that that was a good   
thing. He'd stayed in shape, his muscles were still well-toned. She   
noticed something else: he now was developing a tan. And if anything,   
it made him look even more incredible than she'd remembered.   
  
Angel noticed her blushing as she looked at his bare chest. He hid   
a smile, glad she liked what she saw. He definitely liked what he   
saw, her clothes still clinging to her body. She was a vision to him   
always, but was even more of one tonight.   
  
*STOP!* Buffy ordered herself, and bent her head to examine his knife   
wound. She grabbed a towel, and gently tried to clear away the blood,   
so she could see how bad the gash in his side was. She moved around   
behind him, to examine and clean up the entry wound also. She grabbed   
a bandage, and applied it to his wound after taping together the edges. She hoped it would heal and wouldn't need stitches. They'd know it needed stitches if it didn't stop bleeding in a few minutes.   
  
Angel tried to control his reactions as Buffy began to touch him,   
bandaging him up. The feel of her soft fingers on his skin was cruel   
and unusual punishment though.   
  
Buffy began to shake as the reality of what had just happened finally   
began to sink in. *The knife could as easily have entered his body   
elsewhere. He could have died tonight!* She finally finished   
bandaging him and stepped back, trying to get hold of her emotions.   
  
Angel noticed Buffy was trembling. It was probably a delayed reaction, he realized. The adrenaline rush had finally worn off and the reality of their earlier danger had hit her. He'd been about to say something to her, something reassuring, when she'd put her hand to her mouth, stifling a sob. She turned away.   
  
"Buffy?" He'd put his hand on her shoulder, worried.  
  
She wanted nothing more than for him to hold her, but her more   
obstinate need to prove herself independent took over. She shrugged   
off his hand, not meeting his eyes. "I need a minute alone," she   
whispered.  
  
Angel was hurt when she flinched away from his touch. He'd thought   
they were making progress, repairing the damaged trust between them.   
But now she was closing off from him and he didn't know how to get   
through to her. He sighed. "Okay. I'm going to go upstairs   
and change out of these wet clothes, then I'll be in the lobby.   
Buffy, you're bleeding, you need to clean and bandage your arm," he reminded her gently. He wasn't sure if she'd even realized it yet.  
  
She nodded, then heard him walk out, shutting the door behind him.   
Then she finally let go, leaning on the sink as she cried freely,   
releasing her pent-up emotions.   
  
*********** 


	24. 24

Part 24  
  
With no small amount of internal struggle, Angel walked away from the   
sound of Buffy's crying. He wished he knew how to break through the   
walls she'd put up between them. She'd always been stubborn, but   
she'd never had a problem leaning on him for emotional support   
before. He shook his head and tried to think of something else.   
Contemplating this situation much longer would give him a headache,   
on top of the searing pain of the knife wound. He changed into blue   
jeans and a white button-down shirt, careful not to aggravate his   
injury. Buffy had taped up the wound, but too much movement would   
pull the edges of the wound apart and make him bleed more.   
  
He then walked a few doors down to the room Cordelia sometimes used   
after late-night demon fights. He remembered she kept some extra   
clothes in the closet and when he checked, all that was hanging there   
was a short black skirt and black tank top. Very Cordelia, very   
slinky. He sighed but grabbed them, hoping Buffy wouldn't assume   
anything by this.  
  
He walked back downstairs and frowned as he found the lobby empty.   
She'd been in that bathroom for fifteen minutes. He was very worried   
and decided to hell with her 'need' to be alone. He knocked on the   
bathroom door and after a few seconds she opened it. She didn't meet   
his eyes, but he could see the evidence she'd been crying. He was   
relieved, though, as he could see the bulge of a bandage on her upper   
arm under the shirt sleeve. At least she'd had the presence of mind   
to clean and bandage her wound.   
  
"I brought you something to change into," he said, handing her the   
item. "It's Cordelia's, she keeps extras for emergencies. You need to   
get out of those wet clothes."  
  
Buffy took it nodding, still not looking up at him. She was too angry   
with herself for letting him see her lose it like that.   
  
"It's... there wasn't anything else," he said apologetically.   
  
She smiled and looked up at him then. "They're fine." she said   
softly. She had assumed when he mentioned the clothes were from   
Cordelia that they would be very... revealing? She hadn't even   
questioned Angel's motives. "Thank you," she added.   
  
"I'll be in the lobby," Angel replied, feeling more relieved. He   
walked out and sat on the couch.   
**************  
1 a.m.  
  
Buffy made herself look as presentable as possible, then walked out   
to the lobby. She had the chance to look at Angel a moment unnoticed,   
as he was resting on the couch, eyes closed. He had changed into a   
white, button-down shirt and blue jeans. She was glad that he didn't   
appear to be in too much pain. Her heart caught in her throat again   
as she remembered how close she'd come to losing him. If she'd had to   
watch him die, as she'd had to do with Riley....   
  
She shook those thoughts away; fate couldn't be that cruel. Hadn't it   
toyed with Angel and her enough? She had to believe that things would   
be different this time. She and Angel had been given another chance,   
for a reason other than the torture of being torn apart again. Even   
if she was afraid to admit it to him, she'd realized earlier that   
night that she felt for him was more than a lingering physical   
attraction. She still loved Angel, despite the fact that she'd spent   
twenty years trying to stop.  
  
She cleared her throat to alert him to her presence, and his eyes   
snapped open. His expression softened as his eyes met hers and she   
smiled slightly. She'd been slightly chilled when she walked out, but   
the look in his eyes as he let his gaze travel down her warmed her.  
  
Angel wasn't sure how, but he managed to keep himself from drooling.   
She'd fixed her makeup and hair again; he vaguely remembered she'd   
carried her purse into the bathroom with her. He let his eyes travel   
downward and stifled a groan as she noticed the obvious lack of a   
bra. He quickly moved his eyes further downward and sighed. The skirt   
was incredibly short, it hit mid-thigh. Angel was grateful for that   
as he got a glimpse of her legs, well toned and muscular from her   
need to keep in shape.  
  
He snapped his eyes back up to her face as he didn't want to make her   
feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny of his gaze. The lustful   
expression in her eyes surprised him, but then it was gone so quickly   
he doubted he'd even seen it. Whatever it was he'd seen earlier,   
she'd put the walls back up. He didn't have a clue what she was   
feeling.   
  
"I should go," Buffy said. She was feeling a jumble of emotions, none   
of which were safe for her to be feeling when she was alone with   
Angel. She turned, but the sound of his voice stopped her.  
  
"Please don't leave like this," he said softly.   
  
She turned back and the sorrowful look in his eyes when she did hurt   
her to see. "I need to," she said with a shrug. "I just..." she   
sighed and looked away, anywhere but in his face. "I can't do this   
right now."   
  
"Do _what_, Buffy?" Angel said, standing up and walking over to her.   
He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice, but it was   
difficult to do. "I thought we were having a good evening...that is,   
until we got in the fight with those gang members. But now, after   
that, you can't get away from me fast enough. I thought we were   
friends, but I guess I was mistaken if you can't trust me enough to   
talk to me about what you're feeling."  
  
Buffy felt like he'd been slapped in the face but she also knew   
that's how he probably had felt when she kept pushing him away. "I'm   
sorry if I made you doubt that I think of you as a friend," she said   
finally, looking up at him. "That's not the case at all. I just..."   
She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She looked   
back up at him, "You could've died," she said. "You still could, and   
that fact scares me. I can't lose you, not again."  
  
Angel put his fingers under her chin, forcing her to meet his   
gaze. "Buffy, I know I hurt you unbelievably when I left you. But   
things are different now. I'm not going anywhere this time. I   
promise you aren't going to lose me again."   
  
"Angel, you can't promise something like that," Buffy argued, pulling   
away from him. "You can't _not_ help people; it's who you are. But   
helping people puts you in constant danger. And I wouldn't ask you to   
change that, it would be like asking you to become a different   
person. But now that you're human, it's just that much more likely   
that you're going to die someday, and I won't be able to save you!!"   
The tears started to fall again, and Angel reached for her, but she   
stepped back. "NO!" she yelled, "Don't you get it, Angel?! You're   
safer staying as far away from me as possible! If you don't believe   
ME, just ask Mom....or Riley..." She fell to her knees as she   
continued crying, staring sightlessly into space.   
  
Angel wished there was something he could do to take away even a   
little of her pain. He knew the pain of losing people you loved, and   
he understood her guilt. Even though she was wrong, those deaths   
weren't her fault. How could he convince her of that though?  
  
He walked over to her and knelt down beside her, hesitantly. He   
didn't want to spook her away, the last thing he wanted was for her   
to drive off in this emotional state. She seemed oblivious to him,   
lost in her own pain, so he inched closer and grabbed her good   
arm. "Buffy, Joyce and Riley... those deaths were not your fault."   
  
Buffy shook her head, pulling her arm away. "How can you say that? I   
should've BEEN there, that demon was looking for me and instead he   
found Mom ..." Her face contorted in pain, and she clutched her   
stomach. "Oh God, there was so much blood..."   
  
Buffy didn't know if she was making any sense, all she knew was the   
pain. She had to make him understand how much better off he'd be   
without her. She looked at him, adding, "If that's not proof enough   
about how dangerous it is to be around me, you should've seen what   
happened to Riley!"   
  
"NOO! YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Buffy screamed at the vampire. She   
could do nothing but watch in horror as the vampire thrust his hand   
into Riley's chest and ripped it out. "NOO!" She screamed again, as   
she ripped free of the spell. Too late to save her husband, though.   
Always too late.  
  
"Buffy, you are NOT to blame," Angel repeated. He was devastated at   
seeing her in this much pain. "You couldn't save them, but that   
doesn't mean you are responsible for their murders."   
  
"I AM RESPONSIBLE! I'M THE SLAYER! I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THE   
INNOCENT! WHAT GOOD AM I IF I COULDN'T EVEN SAVE THE PEOPLE I LOVED   
MOST IN THIS WORLD!" She drew in a shaky breath, and said, between   
sobs. "I should've done SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to keep that from   
happening! I should have made Mom leave Sunnydale. And Riley...who   
was I kidding? I shouldn't have let him anywhere near me! Everyone I   
touch, everyone who loves me, they all DIE!" She could hardly catch   
her breath, she was crying so hard.  
  
"No," Angel said, pulling her into his arms quickly. She fought him,   
trying to get away; but he didn't let go. "No, you listen to me,   
Buffy. Joyce did not die because she was your mother; Riley did not   
die because he was your husband. They were innocent victims, but so   
were you. You're not doomed." He sighed with relief, as she stopped   
fighting him finally and let him hold her.   
  
Buffy realized he wasn't going to let go of her, and gave in to the   
comfort of being in his arms. She felt so safe. "I want to believe   
that," she said quietly, as the tears subsided. "I just can't watch   
you die too."  
  
Angel just held her tighter, understanding her fear. He'd lived those   
same fears himself, giving up his humanity when he was told it would   
cause her death. But this wasn't like that last time, his being human   
now wasn't a mistake. It was meant to be. They weren't going to be   
torn apart again, he knew this with no doubt whatsoever. If only he   
knew how to make her believe this too.   
  
"It's going to be different this time," Angel said. "I said it   
before, and I meant it. I'm not going anywhere. I wish I could make   
you believe that, trust me, maybe someday you can again."  
  
Buffy sighed. She already did trust him. If she didn't, she wouldn't   
have let him hold her like this. She was afraid though, that she was   
trusting him more than she should. He had the ability to hurt her so   
much, why was she putting herself through it again? *Because I still   
love him.* She answered her own question.  
  
**************  



	25. 25

Part 25  
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked quietly. She'd been silent for so long, but she   
was no longer crying at least.  
  
"Yeah, I'm still with you," she answered. "I'm sorry I lost it like   
that."   
  
"You don't have to apologize," Angel said. "Tonight didn't end up the   
way I planned, that's for sure."   
  
"Still... I'm sure you're in quite a bit of pain after my beating on   
you." Buffy said, pulling away then and looking at him. She was   
relieved to see that his knife wound wasn't bleeding again.  
  
"I'm fine," Angel shrugged. "I actually haven't thought about the   
injury in several minutes. I'm taking the 'ignore it and it'll go   
away' tactic."  
  
Buffy chuckled at that, "Yeah, well, how about I get you some aspirin   
instead?" She made a move to stand up, and Angel jumped up, offering   
his hand. She took it, as he helped her up, then she waved him over   
to the couch. "Sit. I'll be back."   
  
She went to the bathroom medicine cabinet and found the aspirin, and   
filled a paper cup with some water. She glanced at herself in the   
mirror and made a face. "Yuk." she said, her eyes were puffy and red,   
there was no salvaging that, but she ran a hand through her hair at   
least. She sighed, and went back out to Angel.  
  
She handed him the cup and pills. "Thanks," he said with a smile,   
taking them.   
  
She nodded and sat next to him. She knew she should go back to her   
hotel, but she didn't want to. She was so tired of being alone.   
*Exactly why I should go* She looked up at Angel when she heard   
mutter a curse. She saw him wince, and knew he was feeling more pain   
than he was letting on. "Angel?"   
  
"I'm fine," he said again, but less convincingly this time.  
  
"Maybe, but you need to rest," Buffy said, standing. "I can help you   
upstairs to your room--"   
  
"I'll be fine here," Angel said. "Too tired to climb all those   
stairs."   
  
"Fine then. Lie down," she said.   
  
He did as ordered then looked up at her. He knew she was planning to   
leave, but he didn't want her to.   
  
"I'm staying," Buffy answered his unspoken question. "I have to make   
sure you're okay."   
  
"If you want to," Angel shrugged, trying to hide how thrilled he was.   
She sat down next to him, and he scooted over a little to give her   
room.   
  
"Angel...would you...." Buffy shook her head. "Forget it."  
  
"What?" Angel asked.  
  
"I was just gonna ask if you'd hold me for a while," she whispered,   
looking away. "We came so close to one or both of us dying tonight..."  
  
"Come here," Angel said, moving back further against the couch,   
reaching for you.  
  
"But you're hurt--" she looked at him worriedly.  
  
"I'll be fine," Angel replied. "I want to hold you."   
  
Buffy nodded, and before her head could talk her out of it, she'd   
laid down next to Angel, her back to him.   
  
He pulled her back against his chest, wrapping one arm around her   
waist. He smiled when she finally relaxed against him. "Try to get   
some sleep, Buffy," he said.   
  
Some minutes later, Angel thought Buffy had at last fallen asleep. He   
realized she hadn't though, when he felt her roll over on her other   
side and snuggle up against his chest. He smiled and finally let   
himself drift off to sleep, feeling hope, for the first time in   
weeks, that maybe she did still feel the same way about him as   
he did about her. And if that was the case, maybe they would be able   
to find their way back together again after all.   
  
***************************  



	26. 26

Saturday  
  
Buffy woke the next morning, as the sunlight streaming through the   
windows brought her to consciousness. The first thing she realized   
was there were strong arms holding her close to a warm body. She   
opened her eyes as she remembered then that the warm body was   
Angel's.   
  
Her mind told her she should be disturbed by that fact, but she   
quickly told the voices to shut up. She looked at her watch, it was   
almost ten a.m. She couldn't believe she'd slept so long, and so   
well. She never slept that well. *I guess I really do feel safe with   
Angel* she realized. *Safe enough to sleep better than I have in at   
least a year.*   
  
Now, in the light of day, she also realized something. *I've lost so   
many people in my life that I've loved, but that doesn't mean I   
regret letting myself love them. At least they _knew_ how I felt.   
That has to mean something, doesn't it?*   
  
"Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all," she   
murmured. She couldn't remember who said it, but she did remember   
she'd hated it when she'd read it in highschool. *It was too   
depressing. What was so great about loving someone if you were only   
going to lose them in the end? I didn't understand the sentiment back   
then, I guess. I was too young to understand, even if I did think of   
myself and Angel as a modern-day Romeo-and-Juliet.  
  
Now I understand, though. Even though it hurt so much losing Angel, I   
never regretted loving him. Even if I told myself otherwise. Same   
with Riley. I did love him, though our love was different from what   
Angel and I shared. Even though I outlived Riley, I can't regret the   
time we shared.   
  
And now, here I am again, with the opportunity to try again with   
Angel. Whoever said time isn't cyclical is definitely not paying   
attention. So I have two choices. One: I can keep Angel at an arms'   
distance, as a friend. Yeah, that's safe, boring. Dangerous, too.   
Because what if he dies without knowing how I really feel about him?   
  
Then, the other choice. I can tell him how I feel, and risk losing   
everything. My sanity, all sense of control over my life. Him. But I   
could lose him even if I didn't tell him. What do I have to gain by   
telling him?* She already knew the answer. *That's easy. What I've   
got at the moment, but so much more. Waking up next to Angel every   
morning. Feeling his arms holding me for the rest of our lives.   
Growing old with Angel. That last one is something new. Growing old   
while Angel watches me do so, now that one was always a possibility.   
But not growing old WITH Angel. Loving Angel, being loved by him...*   
  
Angel had been awake from the moment he heard her speak. Hearing her   
quote St. Augustine, of all people, that had been a surprise. He   
smiled, it was just another reminder how much Buffy had matured since   
he'd last been part of her life. The Buffy he remembered had hated   
reading, basically hated school, back in highschool.   
  
He didn't alert her to the fact he was awake now, obviously she was   
working through something in her mind. He _was_ curious though, and   
wished she would talk to him and tell her what she was thinking. He   
could be patient, however. Especially since it was an added bonus   
that she wasn't making any move to leave his arms.   
  
"You awake?" she said so quietly he almost missed it.   
  
He opened his eyes and saw her, her head laying on his chest, not   
looking up into his eyes. She was tense. Nervous? Angel didn't know,   
he couldn't see her eyes.  
  
"Yeah," he replied, rubbing her back comfortingly. "You all right?"   
  
"Just thinking," she said with a shrug. "And I decided I need to say   
something. I can't let another day go without saying this, so just   
let me." Angel didn't reply, so she continued. "I also don't want you   
to feel obligated to say anything brilliant or profound in response.   
Just listen to me. I need you to know this."   
  
She seemed to be waiting for a reply, so he said, "You can tell me   
anything, Buffy."  
  
She took a deep breath and forced herself to stop being a coward. She   
raised up on one elbow and met his eyes. She saw nothing but love in   
his expression, which gave her added courage to say what she   
wanted. "I love you, Angel. I never stopped. Not when you left, not   
even when I decided to let you go and move on. I didn't even stop   
loving you while I loved Riley. But when you came back to Sunnydale   
the other night, I refused to face my feelings for you. Partially   
because I'm still angry, and wanted to hurt you. Partially because I   
couldn't stand the thought of going around in this circle again. But   
I should have just faced things, Angel. You deserved - deserve - me   
being as truthful with you as you are with me.   
  
And when you got stabbed last night, it was like my worst nightmare   
magnified a hundred times. I swear, my heart stopped. That's why I   
lost it. I am so afraid of losing you again. I think it would   
literally kill me, Angel, because I love you _so much_. But as   
frightened as I am of losing you someday, I'm more frightened of   
watching you die without you knowing how I feel about you."  
  
****************** 


	27. 27

Buffy looked at Angel, waiting for him to react. He looked shocked,   
and she couldn't blame him. There were also tears in his eyes, and she knew there were tears in hers.  
  
He said, "What--"   
  
Buffy's fingers at his mouth stopped him from continuing his   
sentence. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Don't you _dare_   
make me say all that again," she warned. "I'll beat you up, I don't   
care if you _are_ injured."   
  
Angel chuckled. "No, I got it," he assured her with a smile. "I think   
I do, anyway," he added. "As long as you don't wake me up from this   
dream."   
  
Buffy smiled and stroked his cheek gently. "You're already awake,"   
she said. "So does that mean you consider this a good thing?"   
  
Angel didn't know how he kept from doing what he wanted to do in   
response to that question, which was taking her face in his hands and   
crushing his lips to hers, taking away any doubts she might have as   
to how much loved her. He wanted to do that, but at the same time he   
knew they needed to take things slow. He'd hurt her so much in the   
past, and he realized that she'd taken a huge risk, in her mind, by   
telling him how she felt now. They still had a long way to go until   
she could trust him completely, and he understood that.   
  
Buffy wasn't sure how to take his silence. She couldn't help   
wondering if she'd been a victim of severely bad timing in telling   
him how she felt. Maybe she'd rejected him one time too many.   
  
Rather than contemplate the "what ifs", she chose to get some space   
between them. She got up and walked out of the room, into his office.   
*Maybe he just needed time to process things. It isn't like I haven't   
done my best in the last two weeks to totally confuse the hell out of   
him. Yeah, maybe that's all it is. No reason to jump to conclusions   
or get upset needlessly.*  
  
So far this day had been a day of surprises for Angel. He didn't   
react as quickly as he should have when Buffy walked out of the room,   
but he'd been trying to recover from the shock of hearing her say the   
words he'd almost convinced himself he'd never hear from her. But   
when she left, he mentally kicked himself for letting her go. He got   
up quickly and followed her into the office.   
  
Buffy felt his presence before he said a word. She'd never been able   
to doubt that they were connected in some unique way. She got the   
same feeling whenever he was near. Even if she didn't see him, she   
knew when he was there. It wasn't the weird slayer-related feeling   
she got when any demon was near, it was much more comforting than   
that. She'd told Willow once that when she was away from him, she   
felt empty. Then she'd see Angel and the feeling would go away,   
replaced with another one. She felt whole then, everything made   
sense.   
  
She was surprised, but then again not really, that their connection   
still existed. *I get it, we're meant to be together. But he's left   
me too many times for me to want to just pick up where we left off.*  
  
Angel had a great speech all worked out when he walked in, but then   
he looked at her, and all ability to speak left him. She was standing   
looking out the window, her back to him; and was struck yet again by   
how beautiful she was. He was amazed that she didn't seem to   
understand that fact yet. She'd always had the ability to take his   
breath away, even when he hadn't needed to breathe. How he ended up   
being lucky enough to have her love, he'd never understand. But he   
planned to never make her regret it again, if only she would let him   
do so.   
  
"I do love you, Buffy," he said. "I've loved you since the moment I   
saw you, twenty-five years ago. That has never changed."   
  
There was silence for a few minutes, and Buffy finally nodded. She   
felt relieved to hear him say the words. "So what happens now?"   
  
"That's up to you," Angel replied.   
  
"It's not that simple," Buffy said with a sigh, still staring out the   
window.  
  
"I didn't say it was simple," Angel said, "Things with us are never   
simple." He walked over to her, putting his hands on her shoulders.   
She leaned back against him, and he wrapped his arms around her   
waist. "Buffy, I know I hurt you too many times, and I am so sorry   
for that. I know I don't have any right to ask you for another   
chance. I know you're worried that if you do give me that chance that   
I'll hurt you again. But all I can say is that I won't. I can't leave   
you again. The first time I left it almost killed me. The second   
time, it would have killed me if it hadn't been for--"   
  
"Cordelia?" Buffy said, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice.   
She wasn't jealous of Cordelia, really. She was more jealous that   
Cordelia had gotten to have Angel as a friend, when she hadn't even   
had _that_ much.   
  
"Cordelia and Doyle," Angel finished. "They reminded me that I could   
still make a difference, still help people. But after a while, even   
that didn't seem to be worth it anymore. Until we found the prophecy,   
Buffy. Then I had hope, for the first time in months. Hope that maybe   
some day I'd be worthy of you again.   
  
"Now, I've finally got that chance to make things right. If you'll   
let me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of you   
again. And if I have any say in the matter, I'll never leave you   
again."   
  
"But that's the great thing about my life, Angel," Buffy said   
bitterly. "You probably won't have any say in the matter. People who   
love me die. It's a fact of my life. And I meant what I said last   
night, I won't do that again with you. I've lost too many people I   
love, I can't lose you too."  
  
Angel thought for a moment how to answer that objection. "Buffy, let   
me ask you a question. If I died next week, would it hurt any less if   
we ket our relationship platonic, than if we gave a romantic   
relationship another chance?"   
  
Buffy frowned. "Damn you, Angel, you're not supposed to be logical   
about this, that's just not fair," she said. "Of course it wouldn't   
hurt any less..." She sighed, though, knowing he was right. She was   
letting her fears get the better of her, and she'd already come to   
accept that life was too short to live that way.   
  
He'd told her what happened next was up to her. And part of her had   
known, from the moment he walked back into her life, just what it was   
she wanted. Underneath the anger, the fear and the doubts, she'd   
always been sure of one thing. Angel loved her, and she loved him.   
The real question was, was that enough to get past the anger, fear   
and doubts?   
  
Angel felt her tense up in his arms, and knew that meant she was   
having another internal debate He waited patiently, feeling that this   
was probably the deciding moment in which track their relationship   
took from this point forward. They might find their way back to love   
again, but as Cordelia'd said, life was too short to waste any chance   
you got to make things right.   
  
"We can't just pick up where we left off," Buffy said.  
  
Angel's heart literally skipped a beat. It hadn't been necessarily a   
yes, but it wasn't a no either. "I know that," he finally found his   
voice to reply. "I know I have to regain your trust again. We can   
take this as slow as you need."   
  
Buffy nodded. She turned, still in his arms, her hands on his chest,   
She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.   
She smiled, it was beating fast. She felt somewhat more relieved   
knowing he wasn't as calm about this as he sounded. She took a deep   
breath and looked up into his face.   
  
He couldn't hide the worry that she was going to reject him. He'd   
definitely done enough to her to deserve that. He also hoped that   
wouldn't be the result, though. He didn't know if he could take   
losing her again.   
  
"Okay," she whispered.  
  
Angel was again finding it hard to believe what he'd just   
heard. "Buffy, are you saying--"   
  
"Angel!" Buffy laughed, cutting him off. "I swear, the making-me-  
repeat-everything-important-I-say thing is getting old."   
  
Angel chuckled. "I could see how that might be the case. What I meant   
to say was, I will never make you regret this, I promise you."   
  
Buffy couldn't even try to doubt him when she looked into his eyes   
and saw the love in them. She also couldn't keep the tears from   
spilling from her eyes either, though. "I believe you," she   
whispered, laying her head on his chest. "Just don't prove me wrong."   
  
"I won't," he replied, leaning his forehead against hers as he   
reached up to brush away the tears from her face. "I love you so   
much, Buffy."   
  
The ringing of Angel's office phone disrupted their moment. Buffy   
sighed, "You've gotta be kidding me," she grumbled.   
  
Angel chuckled and kissed her on her forehead, before pulling   
away. "I have to--"   
  
"I know," she nodded. She walked over to his desk chair and sat down   
while he answered the phone.   
  
"Angel Investigations... Yeah, Kate. We found his address. 5520   
Sycamore, downtown.... You know better than to ask how we found it,   
just put him behind bars where he belongs." **click** He pulled the   
phone away from his ear, and looked at it in mild irritation. "You're   
welcome," he added with a sigh as he hung up the phone. Why Kate's   
abrupt and barely civil treatment of him still surprised him, he   
wasn't sure. Angel Investigations had done a lot to help the   
L.A.P.D., finding those criminals who were too difficult for the   
police to find, getting information for them when they didn't have   
the right contacts. So Kate accepted the help, but also made sure he   
knew she saw him as a necessary evil. She would never forgive him for   
not saving her father. *And why am I brooding about this?* he   
wondered. *I've got much better things to contemplate now.*  
  
He looked up at Buffy, who now had an expression matching that which   
he'd thrown at the phone. He smiled, walking over to sit on the edge   
of the desk in front of her. "So what do you want to do today?"  
  
Buffy didn't hear him, trying to get her mind to wrap around the fact   
that the Kate-bitch, as she'd dubbed her so many years ago, was still   
alive. The woman who Buffy's first contact with was in the police   
department when she'd tried to introduce Angel to the sunrise, was   
still alive. Still. Not only that, but apparently she was even still   
working with Angel occasionally.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel tried to bring her back from wherever she'd gone.  
  
She looked up at him. "There's got to be a limit to your love of self-  
torture, Angel."   
  
Angel blinked a few times, trying to connect with the train of   
thought she was on. "Oh, you mean Kate? She's just...Kate," he   
shrugged. "She won't change, but if she needs our help, she gets it."   
  
"You've always been much better at forgiving people than me," Buffy   
replied. "But fine, I can't fault you for being a good person." She   
smiled, standing. "To answer your earlier question, first I need to   
go back to my hotel and shower and change."  
  
"Then?"  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile at his expression. He looked worried   
that she'd change her mind at any moment about them. She walked over   
to him and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'll be back."   
  
Angel raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I'm glad."  
  
She somehow managed to make herself move, though leaving him even for   
a moment was the last thing she wanted to do. She finally walked out   
to her car though, and drove back to her hotel room.  
  
******************** 


	28. 28

12 pm  
  
Buffy walked inside, looking around. She'd showered and changed into   
blue jeans and a light blue short-sleeved top. "Angel?" she called.   
  
"In here!"   
  
She followed the voice into the kitchen. He'd also showered and   
changed. He was wearing blue jeans and a dark green short-sleeved   
button down shirt. She had to smile when she saw what he was doing.   
He was assembling some deli meat sandwiches, and there was a picnic   
basket nearby. "A picnic lunch?"   
  
"Is that all right?" he asked, looking at her worriedly.  
  
She laughed, "Of course it is!" she said and shook her head at him.   
She walked over and jumped up to sit on the counter a few feet away   
and watch him finish up. "I'm starving, Angel, where are we going?"   
  
"There's a park a couple blocks away," he replied. He looked up at   
her with a smile. He was amazed she seemed perfectly at ease with   
him. Almost like they hadn't just made one of the most important   
decisions of their lives. *Maybe she's so calm about it because she   
knows it was the right decision? I hope so, anyway.*  
  
"How's your injury?" she asked.   
  
"You did a good job taping it up; it'll be fine," he assured   
her. "How about your arm?"  
  
"Just a cut," she shrugged. "Slayer healing is already working   
overtime. So there won't be anything but a scar in a few hours."  
  
"Good," he said with a nod. He threw the sandwiches into the picnic   
basket and Buffy wondered what else he'd packed. She leaned over to   
try to sneak a peek but he shut the lid quickly, then grinned at her.  
  
"You'll just have to wait to find out what's for lunch," he   
said. "Ready?"  
  
She sighed at him in mock irritation. "Definitely," she replied and   
hopped off the counter.   
  
"After you then," Angel said, motioning toward the door as he grabbed   
the picnic basket.   
  
*********  
ten minutes later  
  
They arrived at the park and discovered that they weren't the only   
ones taking advantage of the nice autumn weather. There were several   
couples and families around. Buffy grabbed the picnic basket out of   
the back seat while Angel got a blanket out of his trunk.   
  
"No peeking!" he frowned over at her.   
  
She sighed. She'd been about to do just that. "Over-reacting much?"   
  
Angel laughed. "You do realize Cordelia still talks like that, don't   
you?"   
  
She shrugged with a smile. "Well I guess the gang did pick up that   
quirk from her. But don't change the subject. I'm going to see the   
food as soon as we find a place to sit, so I don't know what the big   
deal is!"   
  
"It's not a big deal, you're right. So there's no reason you can't be   
patient," Angel teased. He laughed again as Buffy growled at   
him. "Okay, let's find a nice place to sit." They walked down the   
sidewalk to a small pond and Buffy suggested, "How about here? We can   
feed the ducks the leftovers."   
  
"Fine," Angel shrugged. He spread out the blanket on the grass and   
they sat. "Okay, now you can open the basket," he added with a grin.  
  
"Finally!" Buffy said. "In case you have forgotten I'm _not_ a   
patient person." She opened the picnic basket and began reaching in   
and pulling out the food, "Sandwiches....apples...cans of Coke...."   
She got a confused look on her face and looked at him as her hand   
closed around something else, but she couldn't figure out what it   
was. He just watched her expressionlessly.  
  
She pulled it out and gasped in surprise. She was holding a bouquet   
of a dozen red roses. She looked at him in shock for about a second   
before she broke into a smile. "Angel! You didn't have to do that!"  
  
"I know," Angel shrugged and smiled. "I just wanted to do something   
to let you know how much it means to me that you're willing to give   
me another chance."  
  
"I already know that," she replied. "Because it means a lot to me to   
know that you still want me after all these years. I mean, here you   
are, with the body of a twenty-seven year old. And here I am, almost   
forty--"  
  
"More beautiful than you were twenty years ago," Angel said   
sincerely.   
  
Buffy just rolled her eyes at him.   
  
"Buffy, I mean it," Angel said, and reached out to take her chin in   
his hand. Looking into her eyes he said, "In nearly three hundred   
years, you are the only woman I've ever loved. You're beautiful,   
sexy, intelligent, strong, witty, compassionate and so many other   
things. All those reasons combined give me no choice but to love   
you." He smiled as she just looked at him skeptically. "You don't   
believe me yet, but that's okay," he said and moved his hand   
away. "I'll convince you eventually. I'm as stubborn as you are."   
  
"More," she said with a grin. She turned away to the food   
then. "Right now, though, I'm hungry." Angel chuckled, but let her   
change the subject. Like he'd said earlier, they had all the time in   
the world for him to convince her he wasn't going anywhere. For now,   
though, he was perfectly content to just enjoy spending time with the   
woman he loved.   
  
************ 


	29. 29

After lunch, Buffy managed to lure the entire duck population of the   
park to her with free food. As she fed them the leftovers of their meal, Angel sat watching her contentedly. He never would have imagined in his almost three hundred years of existence that he'd ever be doing   
something as "normal" as having a picnic lunch with his girlfriend.   
No demons to slay, no curse to worry about. Just two mortals spending   
a normal day together in the warmth of the sun. He still wasn't sure   
what he'd done to finally deserve it, but he was determined never to   
tempt The Powers that Be to change their minds about the gift they'd   
given him.   
  
"Okay, that's all," Buffy said to the ducks. Angel just laughed when   
the ducks just stood there, looking at her expectantly. "Get! Shoo!"   
she yelled and waved her hands at them. They eventually waddled off   
in search of other people to beg from.   
  
She turned to look at Angel who was still looking at her in   
amusement. "What's so funny?" she demanded with a frown.   
  
"Nothing's really _funny_," Angel replied with a shrug. "I'm just   
enjoying seeing you so carefree."   
  
"Oh," Buffy replied. "Yeah, I guess it has been a good day. Getting   
away from the hellmouth does wonders for my mood." She paused before   
adding, "I suppose the company might have had something to do with it   
to." She smiled when his entire face lit up at that.   
  
She looked away for a moment. "Angel, isn't that Cordelia?"   
  
He looked to where she was looking. There was a man and woman sitting   
about fifty feet away from them, eating lunch. The man's back was to   
them, but the woman was facing them. And it was Cordelia   
Chase. "Yeah, that's Cordy," he replied. He frowned as he saw her   
kiss the man with her. "I didn't know she was dating anyone."   
  
Buffy smiled. "Well, somehow I can see how she wouldn't want to let   
you scare away prospective boyfriends."   
  
"I wouldn't--" Angel stopped as he saw Buffy's skeptical look. "Not   
intentionally anyway," he shrugged. "Maybe I'm a little over-  
protective of her and Wes. But they were my only friends for the past   
twenty years."  
  
"I'm glad you had them to take care of you," Buffy replied. "I   
suppose I envy them for having you take care of them too," she added.   
  
Angel sighed as he saw the cloud fall over her face before she looked   
away. He knew the wounds he'd inflicted on her when he left ran deep.   
He wished there was a secret to taking away the pain, but knew it   
would just take time. He was glad she wasn't avoiding the topic   
though. They couldn't work through it if they didn't face it head-on.  
  
He put his hand over hers hesitantly, relieved when she didn't pull   
away from him. "Buffy," he waited until she looked at him. "I wish   
the past twenty years had been different," he said. "There wasn't a   
day that went by, not a second, that I didn't miss you."   
  
"I missed you too," she replied. "But we can't change the past,   
Angel. So no brooding," she added with a smile. "All we can do now is   
try to make this work... and hope that we can."   
  
"I know we can," Angel said with a smile. "Our love has survived   
everyone and everything that have tried to destroy it. Just have a   
little faith, Buffy."   
  
"I'm trying," she said and smiled up at him. "You want to go - Oh MY   
GOD!!!!" She yelled in surprise then when she looked behind him.   
  
Angel turned immediately and his mouth dropped in shock as he saw   
what had surprised Buffy so badly. Cordelia was standing there. And   
the mystery of who her date was, was solved in that instant. He was   
standing next to her.   
  
It was Wesley.   
  
*********************** 


	30. 30

"Hi, guys" Cordelia said, apparently oblivious to the fact  
that Buffy and Angel had seen her kissing someone earlier, and  
now the someone was revealed as Wesley. "Guess we weren't the  
only ones who decided to enjoy the beautiful day, huh?"  
  
"Uh..."Angel really tried, but that was all he could come up  
with. He was trying to compel his mind to make the connection:  
Cordelia... and Wesley... together. However, his mind was  
stubbornly refusing to cooperate with the attempt.   
  
Cordelia gave Angel a strange look. She looked over at Buffy.  
"What's his deal?"  
  
Buffy grinned, "I think it might have something to do with the  
fact that we saw you, earlier, kissing a random man and now we  
discover there was nothing random at all about that man."  
  
"Oh! Er, um, yes, you see..."Wesley trailed off and blushed a  
bright red.   
  
Cordelia shrugged, totally undaunted by the situation. "Shut  
up, Wes" she said with a teasing smile. God, you act like a  
little kid who's been found doing something wrong. Yes, Angel,  
Wesley and I are seeing each other. We were going to tell you,  
eventually."  
  
Angel finally recovered his voice. "I'm happy for you, both of  
you, if you're happy. I... well I was going to say I was  
surprised, but I don't think I am. If anything, I'm surprised  
it didn't happen sooner. But I am surprised you were able to  
keep it from me."  
  
"Oh, please" Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Angel, you've not  
exactly been as observant about stuff as you used to be. You've  
been pretty one-track-minded, and the object of that  
one-track-mind is sitting beside you."  
  
"I'm not that bad!"Angel protested. Cordelia and Wesley both  
gave him a skeptical look. "Am I?"he asked.   
  
"Definitely" Cordelia replied. "Not that that's a bad  
thing, though. I like the non-broody version of you too much to  
object to the lack of paying attention. Well, here I was going  
to give _you_ a hard time about being all cozy alone with Buffy.  
But I guess that'll just have to wait for another opportunity.  
We're leaving now, I just wanted to say hi."  
  
She waved and dragged off a still-stunned Wesley by the hand.   
  
Angel smiled and shook his head. He turned back to Buffy, who  
looked visibly amused at the situation. "What?"he asked.   
  
"It's just weird" Buffy replied with a grin. "I remember  
high school, how Wesley just worshiped the ground Cordy walked  
on. Really ticked off Xander at the time. And now they're  
together, after all these years?"  
  
"What's so weird about it?"Angel asked. "If there's one  
thing I've seen in almost three hundred years, it's that  
things that are meant to be have a way of working themselves out  
eventually. Take Willow and Xander, for instance. They certainly  
had their share of relationships before they ended up together  
finally."  
  
"Or you and me?"Buffy replied hesitantly.   
  
"Definitely" Angel said with a smile. "You want to take a  
walk?"  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
Angel jumped to his feet, then offered his hand and pulled Buffy  
up. He waited to see if she would pull her hand away. She  
didn't and his heart skipped a beat. He decided he liked the  
feeling.   
  
They walked side by side along the edge of the pond, in silence  
for a while. Buffy felt peaceful and she hoped the feeling would  
last. She looked at the people around them as they walked,  
mostly young couples or families with young children. *Must be  
nice to have that kind of normal life. I wish I was ignorant of  
the evil around us sometimes.*   
  
Angel heard her sigh and looked down at her. "What's wrong?"  
  
She looked into his eyes and knew he'd picked up on her mood  
somehow. "I was just thinking I wish sometimes that I had what  
some of these other people have. A normal, everyday life,  
oblivious to what's really all around you. How did you do it,  
Angel? How did you go so many years seeing everything you've  
seen, and not go crazy?*   
  
"I don't know" Angel shrugged. He stopped and faced her a  
moment. "I guess for the first century I didn't do it all that  
well. I avoided humanity, because I knew I didn't really belong  
among them. The guilt was too overwhelming when I went too near  
them, anyway. I tried to survive day-to-day, though I wasn't  
really sure why I bothered at the time. I didn't see any  
purpose, until Whistler found me and told me about you. Then  
when I met you, started to help you, I felt like I had a reason,  
a way to make up for every evil thing I'd done. And then even  
after I left you, I knew I still had that purpose. That wasn't  
the entire reason I stayed sane, though. All those years I also  
held onto the hope that someday we'd find our way back together  
again. If I'd ever let myself believe we were through, I don't  
think I would have lasted. I think I would have gone crazy."  
  
Buffy looked away a moment. She couldn't bring herself to think  
clearly when she looked into Angel's eyes. She felt like he was  
looking into her soul while revealing his soul to her. That was  
part of what always had frightened her about loving him: the  
intense connection they shared.   
  
"I think that's part of why I survived as long as I did,  
too" she said as she dropped his hand. She turned and looked  
out over the pond. "I can't lie to you and say I had conscious  
hope that I'd be with you again. Because I didn't, I had to  
make myself move on. But somewhere, deep down, knowing that you  
were still out there and fighting, it made me keep going. I knew  
you loved me, Angel. But if you gave up *me* in order to fight  
evil, then I had to believe that fight was more important. It  
would've been selfish for me to just give up on the fight  
myself. And I know that if I'd ever heard you were gone... even  
with all my pretenses of being over you, it would have destroyed  
me."  
  
Angel walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her  
waist. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "Like I said,  
things work themselves out. We'll make it this time, I can't  
believe otherwise."  
  
Buffy relaxed against him with a nod. She couldn't help but  
agree with him when she was in his arms like this. She felt safe  
in his arms, she knew without a doubt that she loved him and he  
loved her. They weren't totally back to the way they had once  
been, yet; they still had a lot of pain to overcome. She was  
willing to work through it, however, because she felt it would  
be worth it. Besides, they'd given up enough, wasn't it time  
for them to be happy? She thought it was.   
  
If The Powers that Be ever determined otherwise, Buffy decided,  
they'd just have to deal with her.   



	31. 31

Song lyrics in this part from I Need You by LeAnn Rimes....  
***************  
6 pm  
  
  
"Angel?" Buffy walked into the Hyperion and looked around.  
They'd parted a couple hours earlier, after lunch. Angel had  
told her he wanted to take her out again, to movie and then  
dancing. So she'd gone back to her hotel room for a couple of  
hours. She needed time to herself, after all that had happened  
in the past twenty-four hours. Not to mention to call Willow.  
Buffy smiled as she remembered how thrilled Willow had been for  
her. She'd needed Willow's insistence that 'everything would  
work out great', it had kept her from losing her nerve  
completely. After the call, Buffy changed, into a red,  
longsleeved, low-cut top and a pair of black pants.   
  
So now here she was, looking for Angel. "In this huge hotel,  
where could he be?" she wondered. Never one to put much stock in  
the merits of patience, she decided to go look for him. She had  
only to use her 'Angel-sense' and she soon located him on the  
roof of the building.   
  
"Not planning on jumping, are ya?" she teased.  
  
Angel jumped and turned at the sound of her voice. "That's  
not...uh..." He completely forgot what he was going to say when  
he looked at her. *So beautiful. What did I ever do to deserve  
her?*   
  
Buffy couldn't help the blush in response to the way Angel  
looked at her. Obviously he liked her outfit. He looked nice,  
too. *Nice. Understatement there. He looks incredible. No  
surprise, though, because when did Angel not look good? Buffy  
would you stop acting like a teenager? Speak!*  
  
"So what are you doing up here?" she asked.   
  
"I just wanted to watch the sunset," Angel replied with a shrug.  
"The roof of the Hyperion has about the best view for that in  
the city."  
  
"Mind if I stay up here with you?" she asked hesitantly.   
  
There was a gust of wind and Angel pushed an errant lock of hair  
out of her face. His fingers brushed her cheek and he felt the  
slightest shiver when he did. *Back off, Angel. Don't push her.*  
he told himself. He dropped his hand back to his side again  
reluctantly. "I'd love if you did," he answered with a smile.   
  
Buffy smiled in reply and turned her back to him then. He moved  
as close to her as he dared, inhaling the scent of her perfume.  
He recognized it, she'd worn it back in highschool too. He had  
always associated it with her, ever since then. It had been  
rather irritating, years later, when he was in a public place  
and would catch the scent. His soul screamed her name, while his  
mind tried to forget. Now, though, it was Buffy, and Angel was  
happy for the first time in a very long time.  
  
Having Angel standing so close but not touching her put Buffy on  
edge. She wanted - needed - to feel his arms around her. *That's  
wrong.* she told herself. ~Why?~ *It just is.* ~Yeah, _that's_ a  
reason.~ Buffy shook her head, internal debates always made her  
head hurt. She stepped back, pressing herself against Angel with  
a sigh of contentment. She smiled when his arms instinctively  
went around her waist. *Much better.* ~Yes, it is.~  
  
Angel's breath caught in his throat when Buffy pressed herself  
back against him. He chose not to question or overanalyze  
though. He wrapped his arms around her waist and relaxed when he  
heard her sigh happily.   
  
They stood in silence for several minutes, watching the sun set  
over the horizon. Or in this case, behind the buildings. They  
remained as twilight fell, neither wanting to end the moment.  
Then Angel felt it, just the slightest catch of breath gave it  
away. Buffy was crying. "What's wrong?" he whispered in her ear.  
  
  
*Damn it.* Buffy sighed. She hadn't wanted him to know she was  
crying. "Nothing."   
  
"Buffy..." Angel turned her around to face him. "Talk to me,  
please," he said as he put his fingers under her chin and lifted  
her head to face him.   
  
"Really, Angel, there's nothing wrong. Feeling your heart beat,  
having a picnic in the sun with you, watching the sunset with  
you... these are all things I wanted for so long. Everything's  
right, for the first time in ... well, ever," Buffy shrugged.  
"So I wasn't crying because I was sad, I was crying because I  
was happy."   
  
"Oh," Angel said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'm glad. I mean,  
not glad, but--"   
  
Buffy put her hand on his arm. "I get it. So, don't we have a  
movie to get to?"   
  
"Yeah, after you," Angel replied, then followed her back into  
the hotel and out to his car.  
  
**********  
9 pm  
  
After the movie, Angel drove them to a local club. He and Buffy  
walked into the crowded building hand-in-hand. They found a  
table after a little bit of searching. They sat and Buffy looked  
at him questioningly.   
  
"No," he said.   
  
"Angel--"  
  
"I don't dance."  
  
"Why did you bring me to a club if you weren't going to dance  
with me?" she asked with an amused expression.   
  
"I..." *Good question.* "Trust me, you don't want to see me  
dancing. I've been told it's not a pretty sight," he said with a  
grin.  
  
"A: You didn't answer my question. B: If I recall correctly, you  
always managed fine. Now stop being silly and dance with me,"  
she insisted as she stood and walked over to his side.   
  
He looked into her eyes and saw she wasn't going to take no for  
an answer. Not that the possibility of dancing with Buffy,  
holding her in his arms, bothered him all _that_ much. "Okay,"  
he shrugged.   
  
"You were just trying to be difficult, weren't you," she accused  
him.   
  
"Who, me?" Angel grinned. "Never." He took her by the hand and  
led her out to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around her  
waist as she put her arms around his neck and laid her head on  
his chest.   
  
//I don't need a lot of things,  
I can get by with nothing  
Of all the blessings life can bring,  
I've always needed something  
But I've got all I want  
When it comes to loving you  
You're my only reason,  
You're my only truth//  
  
Angel smiled as he listened to the song. It was speaking his  
thoughts perfectly. This woman in his arms was all he'd ever  
wanted. She was the only reason he'd ever had for living.   
  
Buffy had been mesmerized by listening to Angel's heartbeat. She  
doubted it was something she'd ever get tired of hearing. Her  
own heart skipped a beat when Angel whispered in her ear the  
words to the chorus of the song that was playing.   
  
//I need you like water  
Like breath, like rain  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate  
There's a freedom in your arms  
That carries me through  
I need you//  
  
She tilted her head up to look into his eyes; and almost forgot  
to breathe when she saw the adoring way he was looking at her.   
  
"Buffy--"  
  
She put her fingers to his lips. "Enough talking," she said.  
"I'm tired of talking."  
  
Angel got the hint. He pressed a kiss to the tips of her  
fingers, then cradled her face in his hands. He finally leaned  
in to kiss her and Buffy felt like her legs would give out. It  
was the sweetest, gentlest kiss. She threaded her fingers in his  
hair and held him close, never wanting it to stop.   
  
//You're the hope that moves me  
To courage again  
You're the love that rescues me  
When the cold winds rage  
And it's so amazing  
'Cause that's just how you are  
And I can't turn back now  
'Cause you've brought me too far//  
  
Angel pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, looking  
into her eyes. His heart was racing, he felt like he would  
hyperventilate. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to wait so long  
to kiss her, but he was glad he had. They had a second chance  
and he planned to do things right this time.   
  
"I love you so much, Buffy," he said, his voice husky with  
emotion.  
  
"I know you do," she replied with a smile. "I love you too,  
Angel."  
  
He smiled and kissed her again, this time more passionately. His  
tongue sought entrance into her mouth and she granted it  
willingly with a moan. She clutched him tighter as he explored  
her mouth thoroughly, reminding her why she'd always loved  
kissing him.  
  
  
//I need you like water  
Like breath, like rain  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate  
There's a freedom in your arms  
That carries me through  
I need you//  
  
He wasn't sure how he'd managed to wait so long to kiss her, he  
felt like he'd been made to kiss her and only her. He didn't  
regret taking things slowly, though. She'd given him a second  
chance and he planned to spend the rest of his life doing  
nothing more than making her happy. He wanted things to be  
perfect.   
  
He pulled away and smiled at her dazed expression. He kissed her  
once more quickly then pulled her close. She sighed happily and  
relaxed against him again, and Angel felt they were definitely  
on the road to making things perfect.  
  
*************** 


	32. 32

Sunday, 2 am  
  
Buffy and Angel danced until the club closed. She'd thought he'd  
never get around to kissing her. That was silly, really, they'd  
only just made their relationship official again   
  
Saturday morning. But it was just the effect he had on her,  
still. She couldn't believe she'd actually held him at 'just  
friends' length for two weeks. The passion which had once   
existed between them, obviously hadn't disappeared at all.   
  
She still wanted to take things slow, though. She needed to  
really believe he wasn't going anywhere, before they got in any  
deeper. She hoped he could understand and accept that. She   
figured he would. He looked like he was on cloud nine already.   
  
Angel caught her amused smile as they walked outside to his car.  
*Goofy grin on my face* he realized. He couldn't help it,  
though. The night had gone more perfectly than he could have   
ever hoped. She hadn't freaked out when he'd kissed her, which  
had been more than a relief to him. She'd actually returned the  
kiss... and he was thinking and acting like a teenager. He  
forced himself back to reality as he opened the car door for  
Buffy.   
  
As he got in the driver's seat and started the car, he was  
pleasantly surprised when Buffy slid over to sit next to him. He  
smiled and kissed her again, putting his right arm around her  
shoulders. He ended the kiss reluctantly and pulled the car out  
of the parking lot. He saw Buffy's yawn out of the corner of his  
eye, before she laid her head on his shoulder.   
  
"Tired?"   
  
"Mmmm," she mumbled.   
  
Angel chuckled. "Is that Buffy-speak for yes? I forget."   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"I don't want you driving if you're tired," Angel said  
worriedly. "How about you let me drop you off at your hotel?  
We're going to see each other tomorrow anyway, aren't we?"   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. When would he stop being so worried that  
she was going to run screaming awway from him? *Probably when I  
stop worrying about the opposite happening,* she realized. "Yes  
and yes. Thanks, Angel."   
  
"No problem," Angel replied. He pressed a kiss to the top of her  
head. He felt her breathing slow as she fell asleep. He realized  
she really had been exhausted. *It was an emotionally draining  
day for both of us.*   
  
He didn't mind that she felt comfortable enough around him to  
sleep in his arms, he was grateful that he'd managed to gain  
that much of her trust so quickly. He didn't feel like he   
deserved it, but he was grateful for it.   
  
He pulled up in front of her hotel, and hated to wake her up.  
But he needed to. "Buffy? Baby, we're here. At your hotel."  
  
She sighed, so he knew she was awake. She looked up at him, "I  
didn't drool, did I?"   
  
Angel laughed, "No, I don't think so."   
  
"Good," she nodded, sleepily. "Okay. Buffy is going to go to bed  
and get out of the car." She frowned. "Not necessarily in that  
order." She looked over to see that Angel was smiling in  
amusement at her. "God, just pretend I'm being coherent,  
please?"   
  
"You're being perfectly coherent," Angel agreed, but couldn't  
hide the amused expression on his face.  
  
"Uh-huh," Buffy shrugged. "Okay, well, thank you Angel, for a  
wonderful day. I'm really glad we sorted some things out."   
  
"I am too," Angel said. He reached out to push a lock of hair  
out of her eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow."   
  
"Okay," Buffy smiled. She turned to the door, then changed her  
mind. She leaned over toward Angel for a goodnight kiss. Her  
hands rested on his shoulders, his hands tangled in her hair.  
She'd intended for it to be a quick, innocent kiss, but the plan  
didn't work out. When she pulled away, they were both  
breathless.   
  
"Yeah, goodnight," she said quickly and got out of the car. She  
ducked down to look into the car again, "I love you," she added  
then ran into the hotel.   
  
Angel watched her get inside safely then drove to The Hyperion.  



	33. 33

  
  
Angel woke at dawn, but thought better of calling Buffy that early. The Buffy he remembered had not been a morning person. He wondered   
if that had changed, but not enough to risk her wrath if it hadn't.   
  
He'd slept well, really well. Better than he'd slept in a good twenty years. Better than he'd slept when he and Buffy were together back in Sunnydale. Back then, there had always been too much standing   
in the way of them being together. This had given him too many reasons   
to worry, and therefore he'd never been able to sleep well.  
  
Now, however ... well now, the only things standing in the way of them being together were whatever remaining obstacles they had to work through   
in order for her to trust him completely again. But this didn't bother him enough to cause him to lose sleep about it. He had hope that they would   
work through the obstacles and have the 'happy ever after' ending he'd once   
thought was reserved for fairy tales.   
  
So he showered and dressed, in black jeans and a dark blue button-down shirt, and went downstairs. He walked into his office, then settled in his chair. *I am going to get some paperwork done, like a good private investigator. I am going to keep my mind busy with more _productive_ things, until Buffy wakes up and calls me. Until then, I am not going to daydream about Buffy. I'm not going to think about her....* Yeah right," he said out loud   
with a sigh, as he sat down with the file from his latest case.   
  
************  
Angel gave up on looking at the file from his latest case, after reading the first sentence. Over and over again for an hour. *It's hopeless,   
all I can think about is Buffy.* So he put the file down and went out of his   
office.   
  
He walked downstairs to his basement. He had, easily, a hundred boxes there, which held old paperwork from Angel Investigations. Whenever the filing cabinet upstairs in the office got too full, Cordelia would order him to do something about it. So he would put the older files in boxes and bring them down here. He'd been doing that for twenty years. Not a brilliant plan, he knew at the time, but he'd told himself that he'd come up with a better idea before long. He never had. After a couple of years the amount   
of boxes downstairs became too hopeless to do anything about, yet he  
continued to add to them. And after twenty years, half the basement had   
been taken over, with boxes stacked about three feet high.   
  
"Well, this is something to do. Clean out the basement. It'll at least keep me busy until Buffy decides to wake up," he said with a shrug.   
  
************  
  
Buffy woke and stretched. She looked over at the clock and couldn't believe it. "NOON?" she said, sitting up in bed suddenly. "Geez, Buffy, sleep the day away." *Why didn't Angel call me to wake me up before now?* She knew the answer immediately. *He's just being typical sweet Angel, soconsiderate.* She smiled and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.   
  
She had slept very soundly. She was in a rather calm but happy mood now. That surprised her, given what had happened the previous night. She had let Angel kiss her, and not only that, but she'd kissed him back. And even though she realized he was more than willing to respect her need to take this slow, their romantic relationship was definitely moving forward. And given their two earlier failed attempts at a romantic relationship, she should have been rethinking this whole thing.  
  
But she wasn't rethinking it. This wouldn't be like the other times.   
Circumstances were different. Angel had found his redemption. As a reward for all the fighting he'd done for The Cause, he'd been given   
a real life again. She had to believe that they could be together, really   
together, finally. After everything that they'd been through would   
life really tear them apart again? *Fate has to have a little sympathy   
for all we've been through. Go torture some other couple now.*  
  
She finished showering and dried quickly. She hunted through her closet for about ten minutes before she decided on what to wear. She pulled   
on a pair of blue jeans and a white short-sleeved blouse. After pulling her   
hair up in a pony tail, she picked up the phone.   
  
Angel ran for the phone when he heard it ringing upstairs. "Don't hang up!" he yelled. After five rings he picked it up, "Angel Investigations."  
  
"Running a marathon?"   
  
Angel smiled when he heard Buffy's voice. "I was downstairs," he replied. "No phone."   
  
"Ah. So, um, if you're not busy, I need you to come get me, at least to take me back to my car. Can you--"  
  
"I'll be there in ten minutes," Angel cut her off. He realized how eager he'd sounded when she laughed. "Yeah, that wasn't pathetic at all," he added with a sigh.  
  
"Not pathetic," Buffy assured him. "Well, if it was, I didn't notice,   
because I want to see you, too."   
  
Angel was glad she couldn't see the grin on his face as a result of that admission. He was sure he looked like an idiot. "Good. So I'll be there in ten?"   
  
"That's fine, see you then," Buffy replied. "Bye."   
  
"Bye."   
  
Buffy sat down on her bed after she hung up, and waited impatiently for Angel to arrive.  
  
************* 


	34. 34

Buffy paced her hotel room, waiting for the knock on her door that would let her know that Angel had arrived. Her stomach growled,   
reminding her that she'd slept through breakfast. After what felt   
like hours, she heard a knock on the door, just before her cellphone rang.   
  
"Damn it," Buffy muttered. She didn't want to answer the cellphone, but she couldn't ignore it. She'd made Giles, Willow and Xander promise   
only to call her on it in the event of an emergency. "Just figures,"   
she sighed. She grabbed the phone and walked to the door to let Angel in.  
  
"Yeah," she said into the phone. She looked up as she opened the door and motioned Angel in with a wave.  
  
"Buffy, I am so sorry--" Willow's voice was on the other end.  
  
*Damn it.*  
  
"Don't apologize," Buffy said with a sigh. "Hellmouth evil stops for no man. Or woman. Whatever. What's up and how soon do you need me?"   
  
Angel went to sit in a chair by the bed and tried to hide his disappointment as he realized that Buffy was going back to   
Sunnydale immediately. He had been looking forward to spending at   
least a few more hours together. He wasn't just disappointed, he   
also didn't like being reminded of her dangerous life. He'd just   
found her after twenty years apart, he didn't like facing the reality that   
he could lose her again.   
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can pack and get on the road. Promise me that you all will be careful until I'm there?" Buffy requested. Willow   
had told her that there was a new Master Vampire in town. This was nothing   
new, but what was new was that he seemed intent on turning every human he   
came into contact with. Willow, Xander and Giles had been up for forty-eight   
hours straight, trying to find him at night and trying to locate his lair   
during the day. They hadn't wanted to bother Buffy, but they'd seen twenty   
fledglings rise from one cemetery the previous night. They'd killed all   
of them, but it became obvious that they needed The Slayer to deal with this.   
  
Buffy ended the call and looked at Angel apologetically. "Well, I guess you figured that I have to go. It's not fair," she added with a sigh.  
  
Angel smiled and stood, walking up to her. "I agree, but we knew that   
already, didn't we?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, well, it doesn't mean I have to like it. Stupid   
vampires."   
  
"Hey!" Angel replied with an amused grin. "I don't know if I should be   
offended by that or not."   
  
"You were always the exception to the rule," Buffy assured him with a smile. "So, give me a few minutes to pack and then you can drive me to my car?"   
  
"No problem," Angel replied. "One thing first?"   
  
"What?" She looked at him curiously.   
  
"This," he replied as he pulled her into his arms for a hug. Buffy smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist with a sigh of contentment.   
"Much better," Angel added.  
  
"I agree," Buffy replied. One of the many things she'd missed about Angel was how safe he made her feel when she was in his arms. Being the slayer, she usually felt like she had to protect everyone else. It was one of her deepest sources of guilt, that she hadn't been able to protect her mother or Riley, as she was supposed to.   
  
But with Angel, she didn't feel like she had to protect him. Even now when he was human, she still felt like he was the one who could protect her, for once. She'd never minded letting him be the strong one, she'd needed it. It was a nice change. With Angel, she felt less the superhero and more the normal woman who needed to lean on the man she loved occasionally.  
  
After several minutes just standing holding each other, Buffy sighed and moved away. "Okay. I do need to pack," she said reluctantly.   
  
"Yeah," Angel agreed. He sat and waited for her to get ready.  
  
*********  
  
Fifteen Minutes later  
  
Angel pulled his car up behind Buffy's. He helped her get her bags out of the trunk and into her car.   
  
"Okay, so I guess I'll see you next weekend?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Of course you will. You think I wouldn't be around for your birthday?" Angel wondered with a smile.   
  
"Ugh. Don't remind me," Buffy muttered. Her birthday was Friday and forty was not something she was looking forward to.   
  
Angel chuckled. "You get no sympathy from me on your age, Buffy, considering I'm a good two centuries older than you."   
  
Buffy grinned. "Hey, yeah. Forgot about that. Thanks, I feel young again."   
  
Angel smiled, "Glad I could help out."   
  
"Okay, I should go now. Sacred duty calls," Buffy said.   
  
"I know. Please be careful," Angel requested, brushing her cheek   
with the back of his hand.  
  
Buffy smiled. "Don't worry about me." He gave her a raised eyebrow in   
response. She asked, "You want me maybe to call you tonight once the demon's dead? Let you know everything went okay?"   
  
"Please," Angel replied gratefully.   
  
"I think I can manage that," Buffy said. She laughed, realizing she was still not in her car as she should have been. "And really, this is me leaving."  
  
"Okay," Angel nodded. He leaned in for a quick kiss. He pulled away and said, "I love you."   
  
"I love you too," Buffy said with a smile. "I'll call you later tonight." She got in her car and drove away.   
  
Angel watched until she was out of sight. Then he walked back into the   
Hyperion. "Well, I guess I can finish that basement cleaning," he said with a chuckle.  
  
********  
10 pm  
  
"Angel!" Cordelia pulled him out of his distracted mood for the tenth time in ten minutes. "It's only ten o'clock. You know she probably hasn't even found the vampire, so there's no sense in expecting that phone call yet. Can we please finish this paperwork so we can close this case and send Mrs. Andrews the bill tomorrow?"   
  
"I'm sorry, Cordy. I'm just worried," Angel said.  
  
"She's fine, Angel," Cordelia tried to reassure him. "Now, where's the info we got on Mrs. Andrews' stalker so we can send it to Kate?"   
  
"In the filing cabinet, I suppose," Angel replied with a shrug. At Cordelia's glare, he took the hint and got out of his chair to get   
the papers for her.   
  
"Good, I'll fax these when I get in tomorrow," Cordelia replied. "Are you incredibly bored with our cases now?" she asked. Her visions had been of the more human evil variety, ever since Angel had become human himself   
again. She didn't mind the change, but she often wondered if he missed the   
excitement of the other cases.   
  
"I don't mind it, really," he replied. "I understand why The Powers stopped sending us the paranormal cases. I'm not as invincible as I once was. I'm sure it makes Buffy feel better knowing that I'm in less danger, too. Besides, we still do some good."   
  
"I agree, just checking," Cordelia said. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go now. Please   
try not to worry too much, okay?"   
  
She hugged him and he was grateful for the comfort. "Thanks, Cordy. I'll try," he said with a smile.   
  
"Good," she replied. "See you tomorrow, Angel."   
  
"Bye, Cordy," he called after her. He sank into his chair and tried to   
distract himself with the research they'd compiled on their newest case. It wasn't much use, though. When the phone rang, he dove for it. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Angel."   
  
Angel could have cried with relief at the sound of Buffy's voice. "Are you okay?"   
  
He could swear he heard her roll her eyes. "I'm fine, Angel, I promise.   
Just a few scratches but nothing serious. The vampire was found, the vampire   
met the slayer. The vampire discovered the dangers of a stake."  
  
"Glad to hear it," Angel said with a smile. "So you're sure you're okay?"  
  
"I'm positive," Buffy replied. "Like I said, what scratches and bruises   
I got are minor; they'll all be healed by the time I see you Friday."  
  
"Good," Angel breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed in his chair.  
  
"I hate to cut this short, but I'm really exhausted..."   
  
"I understand completely, Buffy," Angel replied. "Sleep well, Sweetheart." He bit his lip when he realized what he'd said.   
  
"G'nite, Angel," Buffy replied and he could hear the smile in her voice before she ended the call.   
  
Angel smiled as he hung up the phone. All in all, it had been a perfect weekend. And he intended it to be just one of many to come.  
  
  



	35. 35

Part 35  
Friday Afternoon  
5 pm  
  
Buffy sighed as she pulled up in her driveway. It was her  
birthday, and true to tradition, everything that could go wrong  
had gone wrong today. When she woke up, it was raining. The  
thunderstorms had knocked out her electricit, so she'd overslept  
since her alarm clock hadn't awakened her. That meant, of  
course, that she was late for work. And that was bad because  
everyone at the gallery was trying to prepare for a major art  
show on Sunday night. So on her rush to get to work, she had of  
course forgotten an umbrella. She hadn't thought she'd needed  
it, as the rain had stopped while she'd dressed. But of course  
it had started up again when she'd pulled into the parking lot  
at the art gallery.   
  
And then, in keeping with the 'everything that could go wrong'  
tradition, the artist, Jenny, whose work they were going to show  
suffered a case of what Joyce had called 'show fright'. Jenny  
did NOT want to show her work and for some reason Buffy was  
nominated to try to keep her from skipping town before the show.  
Buffy somehow managed to talk Jenny out of her panic, for today  
anyway.   
  
So by the end of the day, Buffy was exhausted, not to mention  
that she had a headache. Willow, Xander and Giles expected her  
at Giles' apartment at seven so she'd begged her boss to let her  
leave at six. Then she got caught in the continual rainstorm as  
she ran out to her car again. When she finally arrived at her  
house, she was in no mood for a party. She sighed as she scowled  
up at the storm clouds. "Well, I guess there's no chance of  
getting wetter," she decided as she ran for the door.   
  
There was a note taped to it. Buffy frowned and pulled it off  
the door as she walked inside. It read:   
  
'Happy Birthday, Beautiful,  
  
I know, I told you I'd see you at Giles' apartment. I lied.  
Xander used the spare key to let me in; I hope you don't mind. I  
figured you'd be home just before seven, since you thought the  
plan was to meet us all then at Giles'. Change of plans. I'm in  
the kitchen making dinner. Take your time, go to your room,  
change your clothes, do whatever you need to do to unwind. I'll  
wait.   
  
Love,  
Angel  
  
PS: Jack's in your room. He and I sort of made our peace but I  
didn't want to risk the possibility of him changing his mind.'  
  
Buffy laughed at the postscript. Who would've figured Angel, the  
former Scourge of Europe, to be afraid of her dog? She smiled  
and shook her head as she peeled off her jacket and hung it on  
the coat rack.   
  
She smelled the dinner cooking... chicken? And other wonderful  
smells. Her stomach growled. *Oh yeah. Lunch would've been a  
good idea, I guess? Oops.* She looked at her reflection in the  
mirror and made a face. She was definitely showering and  
changing before she saw Angel. She did not feel all that  
'beautiful' at the moment and besides, Angel had seen her sport  
the 'caught in the rain' look before.   
  
She hurried upstairs to her room.   
  
***********  
  
Angel heard the door open and footsteps going upstairs, at  
six-thirty. *Well, she didn't come in here and kick me out for  
daring to invade her home, so that's a good thing.* He hoped she  
would hurry back downstairs. The past week had been torture,  
unable to see her or touch her. He'd spoken with her every night  
though, and he really felt that they were making progress. It  
was a novel concept, trying to be friends in addition to lovers.  
Getting to know each other on every level would only strengthen  
their relationship.   
  
He ventured out into the dining room, but it was empty. Buffy  
was still upstairs, he heard the shower running. He set the  
table and sat down on the couch to wait for the chicken to  
finish cooking.   
  
  
Buffy showered in fifteen minutes and then dressed again. She  
could smell the food and realized she truly was starving. she  
walked downstairs and smiled when she saw that Angel had set the  
table in the dining room. She walked into the living room and  
found him sitting on the couch. He turned to face her and his  
jaw dropped. Buffy grinned, rather thrilled that she could still  
get that reaction from him.   
  
"Oh wow," Angel managed to form at least those two words. Buffy  
had showered and curled her hair, leaving it down on her  
shoulders. She'd changed into a short, white cotton skirt and a  
low-cut, light-blue long-sleeved blouse. The color of the shirt  
brought out the blue in her hazel eyes perfectly.   
  
Buffy moved to sit next to Angel and said, "You look nice too."  
Angel was wearing khaki pants and a green button-down shirt. She  
reminded herself she still needed to congratulate Cordelia on  
breaking Angel of the dark colors habit.   
  
Angel smiled and ran a hand through her blond locks. "Is it  
pathetic to say I really missed you this week?"  
  
Buffy laughed. "Maybe, but then I'm pathetic too," she replied.   
  
"Oh, that's all right then," Angel smiled as he leaned in to  
kiss her. The kiss was innocent and over too quickly, as far as  
Buffy was concerned. But she knew Angel was trying to keep from  
pressuring her and she did appreciate it.   
  
Her headache reminded her of its existence and she winced,  
rubbing the back of her neck.   
  
"Headache?" Angel asked.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "I need to get something for it."  
  
"I bet I can make it go away without drugs," Angel offered.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Go for it."  
  
"Okay," Angel moved to sit against the arm of the couch and  
pulled her back between his legs. "Just close your eyes, lean  
back, relax," he said as he reached up to massage her temples.   
  
After five minutes, Buffy's headache wasn't as intense as it had  
been. "You're good at this," she said.   
  
"Better?" Angel replied.   
  
"Getting there," she said. "So what's for dinner?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing special, just chicken."   
  
"I'm pretty impressed to know you can cook," Buffy replied.  
"It's a good thing, too, because cooking and Buffy don't mix.  
Riley did all the cooking..." *Oops.* Buffy stopped short,  
knowing the last thing Angel wanted to hear about was Riley.  
"So, I thought we were all meeting at Giles' place?" she added.  
  
"Buffy, you don't have to avoid mentioning Riley around me. He  
was a big part of your life, for a long time. I left you, so I  
can't very well be upset that you moved on like I told you to."   
  
"Angel, I know you can't LIKE being reminded of him," Buffy  
replied.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, I was and still am a little jealous of him.  
But I can get past a little jealousy because I want to be in  
your life. I want you to know you can talk to me about  
anything."  
  
Buffy smiled. "Angel, thank you for being so sweet and  
understanding," she said, reaching behind her to stroke his  
cheek. "And thanks for sending my headache away."   
  
"It's gone?" Angel asked, removing his hands from her temples.   
  
"Completely," Buffy nodded.   
  
"Good," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "And you  
don't have to thank me, I'm glad I could help make your birthday  
a little better."   
  
"You did, just by being here," Buffy replied. "And by the way,  
what about the others?"  
  
"Oh, I talked them into letting me spend a couple hours alone  
with you. We'll meet them at Giles' place after dinner, if  
that's okay with you," Angel said.  
  
"That sounds fine," Buffy said.   
  
Angel took her hands in his and realized for the first time that  
her wedding ring was missing. He wondered how he hadn't noticed  
it was gone earlier that evening. He'd been painfully aware of  
it, ever since she'd let him back in her life. Every time he  
looked at it, he was reminded of how he'd failed her, by leaving  
her. But now she'd taken it off? *Why?*   
  
Angel entwined his fingers with hers and Buffy knew he had to  
have noticed, finally, that she'd taken off her wedding ring. It  
hadn't been an easy decision for her to make. She had gone out a  
few days ago and buried the ring with Riley. She knew it was the  
right thing to do, if she was truly letting him go.   
  
She realized Angel had gone very still, and she knew he wanted  
to ask her something. "Just ask me," she said.   
  
"It's that obvious, is it?" he asked. "Okay, well...I guess you  
know I noticed your wedding ring was off. And I was just  
wondering, why now?" He added, "If you want to tell me, that is.  
If you don't want to--"  
  
"It's okay, Angel. It's a fair question," Buffy replied. "I lost  
Riley over a year ago," she said. "But I let him go eventually,  
and I moved on, before you came back. It was hard, but I did it.  
I had to. But I realized a few days ago that I'm not being fair,  
by continuing to wear the ring. The ring was a symbol that I  
belonged to him. But if I'm giving you - us - another chance,  
well, wearing it isn't fair to Riley or you, and I'm not being  
honest with myself, either. So I took the ring off."  
  
"I hope you didn't feel any pressure about us," Angel said. "I  
really am willing to take this as slow as you need to. I just  
consider myself incredibly lucky you've agreed to give me a  
second chance."   
  
"Angel, I promise, I've never felt like you were pressuring me  
about us," Buffy said, turning to look at him. "As for my giving  
you another chance, how could I not?" she asked. "I love you,  
Angel, and I can't stop."  
  
"Like I said, I'm a very lucky man," Angel said, kissing her on  
the cheek. "And I think dinner's ready," he added. "Shall we?"  
He stood and held out his hand. She took it and followed him  
into the dining room. He pulled out a chair for her and she sat  
down and waited for him to bring out the food.   
  
He brought out the dishes. Baked chicken, mashed potatoes and  
green beans. Buffy was sufficiently impressed after tasting the  
food, too. "Angel, this is wonderful," she said with a smile.   
  
"Glad you like it," he replied with a smile of his own.   
  
"You know what? I just realized that you said, in the note, Xand  
loaned you the spare key for the house. He handed it over, just  
like that?" she questioned.  
  
"He tried to argue, got a few insults in," Angel admitted. "but  
Willow smacked him upside the head and he grumblingly gave me  
the key," he added, chuckling at the memory.  
  
"Xander wouldn't be Xander if he didn't try to antagonize you,"  
Buffy replied with a grin.   
  
"He's a good friend to you, Buffy," Angel said.   
  
"He's overprotective," Buffy replied. "And he used to be very  
jealous of you, too. Even though he's with Will, now, I guess  
old habits die hard."  
  
"I have a confession," Angel said, slowly. "I... used to be  
jealous of *him*."   
  
"Why on earth would you be jealous of Xand?" Buffy asked,  
confused.   
  
"I suppose I was worried," Angel shrugged. "He was human, I  
wasn't. Because he was human he was the one able to bring you  
back when the Master killed you. He got to spend time with you  
in the sunlight, I only could see you after dark. I was afraid  
that you might see all the benefits of a living, breathing human  
for a boyfriend."  
  
Buffy smiled and reached across the table to take his hand. "You  
never had anything to worry about, where Xander was concerned,  
Angel. He might have had a crush on me, but I think his heart  
always belonged to Willow. And back then, my heart belonged to  
you, even though I tried not to let it happen."  
  
Jack barked from his place of imprisonment upstairs and Buffy  
laughed. "Wow, even my dog likes to spoil moments for me," she  
said as she stood.   
  
"Why don't you free him," Angel suggested. "I'll clean up here,  
if you're done."  
  
"I'm done," she said. "And really, it was wonderful. Thank you."  
  
  
Angel began to clear off the table while Buffy went to see to  
Jack.   
  
  
****************  



	36. 36

****************  
Part 36  
  
Angel was washing the dishes when Jack walked in. They regarded each other for a moment and then Jack left again, seemingly satisfied that Angel didn't present a danger.   
  
Buffy walked in and said, "You don't have to wash the dishes, Angel. Let me take care of it."  
  
"Definitely not!" Angel replied with a frown. "You will not do any more work today, on your birthday."  
  
She rolled her eyes, "Well, what am I *supposed* to do, then?"  
  
"Go back in the living room and relax," he replied. "I'll be out in a minute."  
  
She opened her mouth to argue but recognized the 'I won't take no for an answer' expression on his face. "Fine," she sighed and walked back into the living room.   
  
Ten minutes later, Angel finished and went into the living room. He smiled when he saw Buffy with her dog laying across her lap, protectively.   
  
She smiled up at him, "I'm surrounded by over-protective men," she teased. "Off," she pushed at the German Shepard. He whined, but obeyed. "So, should we go to Giles'?" she asked.  
  
"After I give you your presents," Angel replied, sitting next to her.   
  
Buffy shook her head in amazement, "You've already cooked me dinner, gotten rid of my headache and done the dishes. Now you tell me there's more? You're going to spoil me, Angel."  
  
"And that's a bad thing?" he asked with a grin. "I've been debating whether to give this to you for your birthday." he added.  
  
"Let me make the decision easier on you," Buffy replied, "Gimme!" she demanded, holding out her hand.  
  
Angel chuckled and nodded. "All right." He pulled a box out from the cushions of the couch. It was about three inches square, tied with a red ribon. He started to hand it to her, but before she could take it he changed his mind.   
  
Buffy could see that he was nervous, from the look in his eyes. "Angel, what's wrong?"  
  
"I don't want to upset you..."  
  
"Okay, now you have me very curious," Buffy said. "You can't not give me the gift after that, it wouldn't be fair," she added. "Angel, I'd never think you were intentionally trying to hurt me. Whatever it is, I know you love me and I know it comes from the heart."   
  
Angel hesitated a minute longer. He knew he was probably driving her crazy. He most likely *was* overthinking most things about their relationship. He was getting tired of second-guessing himself all the time, where Buffy was concerned, too. *I need to just learn to trust my instincts and believe that Buffy knows me and won't misunderstand my actions.* he decided as he relented and handed her the box.   
  
He still couldn't keep himself from holding his breath when she untied the ribbon and opened the box. She didn't react for a second and then he was alarmed to see her start crying.   
  
Buffy opened the box. It was a Claddagh ring, *the* Claddagh ring. She couldn't help it, she started crying. She couldn't believe he'd kept it all these years. She also wasn't immune to the meaning behind his giving it back to her. She knew what the ring meant to him, she remembered how happy she'd been when he'd given it to her, to prove he was serious about their relationship. But thinking about how happy they'd been only served to remind her of how terribly it had ended for them.  
  
*Shit,* Angel thought, feeling helpless as Buffy started crying. "Buffy?" he wanted to pull her into his arms, but he was afraid she wouldn't want that. Maybe this was one of those times he *should have* second-guessed himself.   
  
"Buffy, I'm so sorry," he said. "I just thought... we both know how much pain I've caused you, especially after your seventeenth birthday. But we really haven't talked all that much about our past. And if we're ever going to have a future, we've got to deal with the past."  
  
"Angel," Buffy wiped the tears from her face and looked up at him. "I'm not upset with you," she said. She smiled, taking one of her hands in his, "And by the way, you can touch me, I won't break." She was relieved when he cracked a smile at that.   
  
"The Claddagh ring just caught me off guard," she continued. "It brings up so many memories... good and bad. Even though I'd rather avoid the bad ones, but you're right. We need to deal with it."  
  
"I'm relieved to hear you say that," Angel replied. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life making up for all the pain I caused you. And this ring, I know it's a reminder of all the bad things we've been through, but I also want it to be a reminder that I've always and will always love you."  
  
"The ring isn't just a reminder of the bad memories," Buffy said. "There were good ones, too," she added with a small smile. "It just brings up so many feelings and memories that I've pushed deep inside me, for the last twenty years." She looked down at it and said, "I remember how much it meant to you, to give me the ring the first time, when you told me what it meant. I remember how happy you were when I wore it with the heart facing in, because you knew it meant I didn't *mind* belonging to you. I remember how happy we were at first, how in love. We didn't think anything would get in our way, at least nothing as devastating as the happiness clause."  
  
Angel released her hand and put his left arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and Buffy was glad for the comfort. She rested her head on his chest, over his heart. "Do you know how many times I've wished that we'd just known about the stupid clause?" she asked. "If Jenny had just told us about it, how much pain and death could have been avoided, I wonder?"  
  
"I don't know," Angel replied. "Would we have been able to stay away from each other, though? Even if we knew the dangers? It's why I had to leave, finally, because it was too much. Too be that close to you and not be allowed to make love to you... And I didn't know if maybe, someday it would be just something innocent that would give me perfect happiness. I couldn't risk that, hurting you again like that."  
  
"So you broke my heart to keep from hurting me," Buffy said with a sigh.  
  
"A part of me died that day I walked away from you," Angel said. "I wasn't sure if I would survive. And after that, I can't tell you how many times I wished that I'd never gone to Sunnydale," Angel said.  
  
"I never wished that," Buffy said, looking up at him. "Maybe it's selfish of me, but I never could wish I'd never met you. I loved you, so much. And you did so much good while you were here."  
  
"Did I?" Angel wondered. "I killed someone close to you, tormented you with threats of killing your friends, tortured your watcher--"  
  
"Not you," Buffy argued.   
  
"He was always inside me, Buffy," Angel replied.  
  
"I know that, Angel. But you never let him hurt me while you had your soul," Buffy said. "I know there was darkness in you, but isn't there darkness in everyone, even humans? The difference is, while you had your soul, you fought the darkness."   
  
"But I lost," Angel said. "And I gave you the most impossible choice, Buffy."  
  
"No you didn't," Buffy replied. "Fate, destiny, life gave me that choice," she said. "And I couldn't, still can't believe that you could still love me after I sent you to hell." She looked away as memories of that painful night sufaced.   
  
He pulled her close and she lay her head against his chest again. "I have never, for one second, stopped loving you, Buffy Summers," he said as he ran his hand through her hair. "And I never doubted your love for me, either. Even when I was in hell--" He paused as a shiver ran through her body. He knew she was disturbed by the thought of him in hell. "Want me to shut up?" he asked. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, needing to reassure her in any way he could manage.  
  
"No, it's okay," she said. "Like you said, we need to talk about these things. But I want you to be honest with me, Angel," she looked up at him. "Wasn't there even a little bit of you that resented me for doing that to you?"   
  
"No," Angel said, without hesitation. He saw the skepticism in her eyes and said, "Even when I was in hell, Buffy, I knew, somehow, that you hadn't had a choice in your actions. I *never* doubted that you'd loved me. And I never doubted that it devastated you to have to send me to hell."   
  
"I wanted to die," she said tearfully. "I don't know why I didn't. I didn't want to live without you. I was so afraid that you'd hate me, for what I had to do. I dreamed, sometimes, that you had come back. You were so hateful to me... Not that I would have blamed you, if that had been the way it had turned out. I felt like I'd betrayed our love, Angel. But as much as I hated myself, I couldn't stop being the slayer, either. God, I tried. But everywhere I went... even when I ran away, my calling followed me. So I kept living, kept slaying, even though a part of me felt dead."  
  
"Buffy," he put a hand under her chin raising it so he could look into her eyes. "Even when I was in hell, there was never, *ever* a moment when my love for you lessened, even the slightest. I never blamed you, not for one second."   
  
She couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. When she looked into his eyes, she knew that he was speaking the truth and it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off her. But at the same time, all the pain of those months came rushing back to her and she started to cry, sobbing uncontrollably. Angel pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. Buffy clutched her arms around his waist as she cried, needing to just let go and knowing that she was safe doing that with Angel.  
  
Angel held Buffy as she cried, feeling her pain as if it were his own. He realized that she had probably been afraid, all these years, that he resented her for sending him to hell. And he realized that he'd never tried to set her mind at ease about it, either. He'd always thought that the better thing to do was move on and avoid painful discussions of the past. He knew now that he'd been wrong. "God, Buffy, how stupid am I? I didn't know, all you've gone through, all these years, suspecting that I stopped loving you a little, or that I blamed you," he whispered as he held her tightly. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I should have known."   
  
After several minutes, Buffy quieted. "Got your shirt all wet," she sniffed, looking up at him.  
  
Angel smiled, "It'll dry," he said, brushing the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.  
  
"I guess *I* should have known," Buffy said, laying her head back against his chest. "You were never petty or hateful. I guess I was just projecting all my fears on you."  
  
"But I didn't help you any," Angel replied, "I was just trying to let you move on. I thought rehashing the past would've been too painful. Now I understand that not dealing with those things just makes them get worse."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "I guess so. So you kept the ring all these years? I always kind of wondered, you know, what you ended up doing with it after I left it at the mansion. I knew it couldn't have been easy on you to come back from hell and find me dating."  
  
"I won't deny it hurt to find that out," Angel admitted. "But I also knew that you'd done the reasonable thing, getting on with your life."   
  
"I understood, the first time you left me," Buffy said, looking up at him. "It took me a long time to accept it, but I knew you were trying to do what you thought was best. The second time you left me though, that was a little harder to deal with."   
  
"I'm sure it didn't help that you remembered it once you and Riley were together," Angel said. "The oracles *promised* me that you would never remember. I wouldn't have agreed to their offer of repeating the day, if I'd known you'd have to feel that pain."   
  
Buffy nodded, "I believe you. You've always tried to protect me, the best you knew how. But, after I got over being angry with you, I realized I wouldn't have wished *not* to remember that day, Angel. It's the same thing with not wishing I'd never met you. Knowing you, loving you, has brought me unbelievable happiness. And if the pain is part of the package, then I'd rather deal with the pain than never have had all the good stuff."  
  
Angel smiled, "I can't argue with you, when you get all deep on me."  
  
"I'll have to keep that in mind the next time you feel like arguing with me," Buffy teased. She turned serious again and said, "Thank you, Angel. I didn't realize how badly we needed to clear the air and just talk all these things through. So thank you for pushing the issue by giving me the ring. And thank you for the ring, too."  
  
"So... you'll wear it?" Angel wondered. "I mean, if you're not ready, that's okay..."  
  
"I'm ready," Buffy said. She slipped it on the ring finger of her left hand and smiled up at him. She was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Oh, don't you start, you're gonna make me start crying again," she warned. She kissed him gently and he wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her back.   
  
He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against hers. "I'll never quite understand what I did to deserve you back in my life, Buffy. And you agreeing to wear the ring ... it means--"   
  
"I know," she said, caressing his cheek with one of her hands. "It means a lot to me, too." She laughed and said, "Wow, well, I'm sure that's not the way you intended this birthday to go, with me bawling on your shirt and I'm sure I look absolutely horrible, all red nose and puffy eyes--"  
  
"You're beautiful," Angel interrupted, cradling her face in his hands. "That never changes." He kissed her softly and said, "But I'm not done yet," he got up and retrieved two more boxes from the kitchen. Buffy frowned when he walked up to her with them. "The ring is a symbol of our past, the strength of our love that's gotten us through, even when other couples would have fallen apart. This," he handed her a thin box, that was 8" by 11". She took it and he continued, "Well, this is something to remember this, our ... fourth?" he shrugged, "attempt at making it work. And a reminder that I believe we won't fail, this time. If this gift even brings across half of what I feel for you, I'll consider it a success."   
  
Buffy was intrigued, as she opened the box. She gasped when she pulled the tissue paper away. "Oh my god, it's beautiful!" she whispered. It was a painting, obviously done by him. It was her, standing on the roof of his building, with the sun setting behind her. She recognized the scene, it was the first sunset they'd watched together, the previous week. He'd framed it and she intended to put it up immediately.  
  
"Thank you," she said, setting it on the table so she could hug him. "It's perfect."   
  
"One more," Angel said when she pulled away. He handed her a slightly smaller box and said, "Open it and then I'll explain."  
  
"Ooookay," she said. She opened this box and found a red rose petal and a vanilla-scented candle. She looked at him, puzzled.   
  
He took the box out of her hands and put it on the table, then took her hands in his. "I love you, so much, Buffy," he said. "Like I said, I've never stopped. And making love with you, on your seventeenth birthday and on the day that we lost, those times were more amazing than I can put into words. I want to have that closeness again. I know you're not ready yet and that's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you. I can and will wait as long as you need; because I want there to be no doubts in your mind that you're ready, when you and I make love again. So, when, if, you ever feel like you *are* ready, just bring me back the rose petal and the candle. And on that night, I'll cover you in a thousand more rose petals as I worship you by candlelight."   
  
Buffy hugged him again to hide her blush. "I *do* love you, Angel," she said.  
  
"I know you do, Baby," he replied with a smile, holding her close.  
  
"Thank you for the incredibly sweet, romantic gifts, not to mention dinner and everything else," she said as she pulled away.   
  
"You're welcome," he said, leaning in for another soft kiss. "Well, should we get to Giles'?" he asked.   
  
"Yeah," Buffy replied as she stood. He rose too and took her by the hand and they walked outside together.  
  
**********  



	37. 37

***********  
Part 37  
One month later  
Friday, 5 pm  
  
Buffy went to L.A. on Friday before Valentine's Day, which would be on a Sunday. He'd called her and asked her to take the week off and she'd managed it. She was looking forward to spending an entire ten days with him. Angel had planned to come to Sunnydale Friday but hadn't made it. His work had kept him in L.A. Luckily she had no slaying to do so Giles had agreed to let her leave Sunnydale for the weekend instead. She was kind of relieved that she'd be going to L.A. rather than have Angel in Sunnydale. Spending Valentine's Day with Angel in Sunnydale would have been a little too weird of a situation for her to handle, considering the fact it would remind her of the Valentine's Day when he'd been Angelus.  
  
They'd spent every weekend together since her birthday. During the week, they talked on the phone. They were getting closer by the day and she felt much more comfortable with him. He was always the perfect gentleman when they were together. Though they'd kissed and necked and they held each other a lot, he'd never pushed their relationship the slightest bit further. She'd decided he had much better self-control than she did.   
  
She'd decided that Angel was probably waiting for some kind of sign from her, so she'd just have to figure out what that sign was during the next ten days. Not that she was ready to make love with him yet, but she wouldn't mind a little more ... something.   
  
She pulled up in front of the Hyperion and pushed those thoughts away. She walked into the hotel and found Wesley and Cordelia still there, apparently doing last minute work. "Hi guys," she said.  
  
"Hey, Buffy," Cordelia said. "He's upstairs but I'm sure he won't mind if you go up there."  
  
"I'm not that needy," Buffy said with a smile. "I can wait."  
  
"Suit yourself," Cordelia shrugged. She turned back to Wesley. "Wes, where *is* that invoice?"   
  
"On the desk," he muttered, his attention consumed by looking through the filing cabinet.  
  
"Under which stack of books?" Cordelia sighed.  
  
Buffy laughed and returned to the lobby to sit and wait. She didn't have to wait long, Angel came down the stairs a couple minutes later. "Hey," he said with a smile as he walked over to her. "How was your drive?"  
  
She shrugged, "Not too bad." She stood as he approached and he kissed her. "So did you finish that work?"   
  
"Just," he replied with a smile. "You look beautiful as always."   
  
She rolled her eyes, "Uh-huh," she said. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a blue tank top. Comfort had won out over looking incredible. She'd intended to change at her hotel before she saw him, but he'd insisted that she come right to the Hyperion. "I mean, thanks?" she added when he frowned.   
  
"So, you didn't check into your hotel, right?" he asked.   
  
"No, you told me *not* to," she replied. "But I still don't understand--"  
  
"It's a surprise," he said. "Trust me?"  
  
"I always get nervous when people ask me that," she replied with a frown. "It's usually followed by... 'Jump!' or... something like that."  
  
Angel laughed. "Nothing quite that drastic, I promise. So?"  
  
She shrugged, "You know I trust you, Angel," she said.  
  
"I'm always glad to hear it again," he replied. "So let's go."  
  
"Go?"  
  
"You said you trusted me," he reminded her.  
  
"Yeah, but--"  
  
"No buts," he cut her off. "It's a surprise, remember?"  
  
"So you said," Buffy sighed but let him take her by the hand and lead her outside. He transferred her bags to his trunk and motioned her to get in.  
  
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" she accused once he'd started driving.  
  
"You'll find out... when we get there," he answered with a grin.  
  
"And how long will that take?" she wondered, digging for the slightest bit of information.   
  
He shrugged, "You'll just have to wait and see."  
  
"You're infuriating, you know that?"   
  
"Am I?" he chuckled when she smacked him on the arm. "You still love me though, don't you?" he turned his best puppy dog eyes on her.  
  
"Oh god," Buffy rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling. "That is *so* not fair," she protested as she scooted over to sit close to him. "I'm trying to be irritated with you but you're making it very difficult."  
  
"Good," he replied, as he put his right arm around her shoulders.   
  
"So..." Buffy snuggled closer to him. "Not even the slightest hint?" she said, nuzzling his ear.   
  
He shivered but shook his head. "No, Ma'am," he said firmly.  
  
Buffy sighed but gave up on the attempt to gain information for the moment, too content at just being with him to wonder too hard where they were going.  
  
*************  
A half hour later, they pulled up at a small airport, in the area where private planes were kept. "Okay, we're going somewhere?" Buffy hazarded a guess.   
  
Angel nodded, "I was just thinking, yesterday, how strange it would feel for me to be back in Sunnydale during Valentine's Day. I mean, I wouldn't be able not to think about the Valentine's Day I was Angelus..."   
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, the thought crossed my mind, too," she admitted. "That's why I wanted to come here."  
  
"But still," Angel replied, "I want our first Valentine's Day together after twenty years, to be about making new memories. And so I'd like to take you far away from any place that might remind you of the Valentine's Day we'd both love to forget. I actually made arrangements for us to go away for the entire week, which is why I asked if you could take off work."  
  
"How long have you had this planned?" she wondered.   
  
"A couple weeks," he admitted. "Of course it's up to you, though, Buffy. If you don't feel comfortable going anywhere with me--"  
  
Buffy smiled, "Angel. I love you, I trust you, I feel safe and comfortable with you," she assured him. "I think it's a wonderful, sweet, romantic idea. Of course I'll go... where?"  
  
"That part's the surprise," Angel said with a grin.  
  
"Okay," she shrugged. "Can I ask a practical question, though? How can you afford this?"  
  
"You'd be worth any expense," he replied. "But don't worry, I'm not going to go broke on this. I have a client who offered us use of his private plane, complete with crew, as payment for a job I did for him. The rest is doable on what money I have. So, shall we?"  
  
"I'm beyond curious," Buffy said. "Let's go, already!"   
  
***************  
  
Fifteen minutes later, the plane had departed, though the captain and stewardess were careful not to reveal their destination. Buffy was impressed at the lengths that Angel had gone to, in order to keep this secret. She also was quite awed by the plane. They sat at a couch that had seatbelts, along one side of the plane. There was another couch on the other side. Next, going back along the plane, there was a bigger than usual sized bathroom. Then there was a smaller curtained off area in the rear area of the plane that had a bed.   
  
They'd been given permission to remove their seatbelts, so they'd gotten more comfortable. Angel laid along the couch with his head in Buffy's lap as they talked. Four hours passed and Buffy wondered how much longer the flight would go. She'd given up on asking him, however, two hours earlier. They'd talked comfortably, about both unimportant and important subjects. Buffy was glad he'd thought to take her away during Valentine's Day and longer, but especially for that one day. It was easier this way.  
  
"You know, you're way too good to me," Buffy said as she ran one hand through his hair, her other hand was in his and rested on his chest.  
  
"I disagree," Angel replied. "I'd do anything to keep that smile on your face."  
  
Buffy shook her head, though she couldn't get rid of said smile. "See, that's what I mean."  
  
"I'm not following."  
  
"Just don't put me up so high on that pedestal that I disappoint you too much when I finally fall," she explained  
  
"You think that's what I'm doing?" Angel wondered. He sat up and turned to face her. "I admit, I tend to talk like..." he shrugged, "a hopeless romantic, when it comes to you. But I'm not trying to make myself believe you're perfect, don't worry about that. I know you're not, just like you know I'm not. But I do love you, all of you, even the very few, very minor imperfections." He smiled when Buffy laughed. "I love you, Buffy. And even if the rest of the world doesn't think you're perfect, I do, because you're perfect for me. You're my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. The only woman I will ever need in my life, today and all of my tomorrows."  
  
Buffy smiled. "How do I even begin to respond to something like that?" she wondered. "Except to say... I love you too?" She shook her head, "That doesn't seem like it's enough."  
  
"But it is," Angel said, placing his hands at her waist and pulling her into his lap. "...because those are the words I hoped that someday I would hear from you again. The only hope that kept me alive, all those years we were apart."   
  
He leaned in for a kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck as their lips met. He felt, as he always did, a moment of wonder: he was kissing Buffy. The woman he felt like he'd been born to kiss, to hold, to love. He darted his tongue out across her lower lip, savoring the little whimper she made before she parted her lips. He swept his tongue into her mouth, groaning at the taste of her. He felt the fingers of one hand playing with the short hairs at his neck and he shivered.   
  
Buffy smiled when he shivered. She had to pull her mouth away to get a breath and when she did, he kissed down her jawline to her throat. He traced the scar of his bite with his tongue and it was her turn to shiver. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer. "Angel, I love you," she said, her arms moving around his waist to his back and shoulders.   
  
Angel kissed his way up her jaw to her ear, "I love you, Buffy," he whispered before he sucked her earlobe into his mouth. He moved his hands to her waist, even though he ached to run them all over her soft, perfect skin. He bit down on her earlobe and she whimpered, arching against him.   
  
Angel groaned as he felt her hardened nipples rub against his chest even through their clothes. He returned to nibbling and sucking on the skin of her throat and stifled a whimper when she pulled away. He saw her desire-darkened eyes staring back at him and he leaned in for another kiss.   
  
Their tongues entwined and this time Angel gave in, letting Buffy control the kiss. He sucked on her tongue as she thrust it into his mouth. She turned to face him fully, straddling his hips and he groaned when she slid forward so their bodies were pressing together. He was sure she could feel his erection and waited for her to pull away again.   
  
He was amazed but grateful when she didn't. He almost forgot to breathe when she took his hands and slid them up, over her tank top, to her breasts. He broke the kiss and looked at her in surprise.   
  
Her hands were still on top of his and she said, "Just touch me, Angel. It's okay, I want you to."   
  
Angel took a shaky breath as he realized that she wasn't wearing a bra. He squeezed her breasts gently and watched her reaction. She moaned softly, "Harder." He complied and was rewarded with a gasp. When he brushed his thumbs over her peaked nipples she whimpered.  
  
Buffy scratched her nails down his chest over his shirt and smiled when he whimpered. She repeated the action several times and soon had him panting for breath. Not that he hadn't gotten the same reaction from her. She could feel his erection pressing into her stomach and was pleased to know that she could still affect him this way.   
  
He bit down on her earlobe again at the same time that he pinched her nipples roughly. She moaned as she felt a fresh jolt of desire run through her. Some part of her wanted him to take her, right then. But she knew it wasn't time, yet. She just wasn't ready for their relationship to hit that level.   
  
And since that was the case, she felt like they needed to stop. She didn't want to be unfair to him or tease him. She pushed at his shoulders, "Angel, stop."   
  
He pulled away immediately. "Okay," he said. He let go as she stood up, shakily. "Buffy, I--"  
  
"Don't apologize," she interrupted with a smile. "You didn't do anything to apologize for. I just need... a minute. I'll be back." She walked back to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face, trying to gain control of herself again.   
  
Angel was secretly pleased to see how he could affect Buffy. He had been relieved when she'd asked him to touch her. He'd been dying to do that, but afraid to make the first move for fear of upsetting her. He dreamed of the day when she'd let him know she was ready to make love with him. He hoped it wouldn't be too much longer, he'd missed her so much. But as he'd told her, he was prepared to wait. She was worth it.  
  
He looked up when she walked back out. Her face was flushed but she seemed to have gotten her self-control back. Lucky her.   
  
"I'm fine," she answered his unspoken question as she sat next to him. "No regrets, either," she added. She smiled when he looked relieved at that. "So... are we sleeping on the plane, or are we nearly there?"   
  
"We'll be landing in an hour or so for the plane to refuel, but we won't be at our final destination for a while," Angel replied. "You can have the bed," he offered. "I'll take the couch."  
  
Buffy frowned. "It's a big bed, Angel. I wouldn't mind, if you wanted to sleep there, too. Unless it would be too much of a temptation for you?"  
  
Angel smiled as he thought her offer over. "I can control myself," he decided. "As long as you're sure you don't mind?"  
  
"Positive," she said, stifling a yawn. "I trust you."   
  
"Okay, shall we, then?" he suggested. "You look tired."  
  
"Long day at work," she said as she stood and preceded him into the bedroom. She dug through her bag until she found a nightshirt and disappeared back to the bathroom to change.   
  
Angel took advantage of her absence to get undressed to his boxers and lay down on the bed. He smiled as he crawled under the sheets and realized they were silk. Just his style. He looked over as Buffy walked in and caught his breath. She even managed to look sexy in a simple, white, oversized night-shirt. Despite what he'd told her, he had no doubt he'd get very little sleep. But it was more than worth it, just to spend the night in the same bed with her.   
  
Buffy crawled into bed, avoiding Angel's gaze to keep her self-control intact. She was relieved when he turned out the lamp, leaving just the light from the other room beyond the curtain to keep the compartment from being pitch black.   
  
She turned her back to him to try to forget that he was so close. She couldn't, though. She could smell his cologne.   
  
"Goodnight, Buffy," he whispered from closer behind her than she'd thought he was.   
  
She jumped slightly. "Goodnight," she said, trying to calm her shaky nerves. She jumped again when she felt a hand on her hip.   
  
"Sorry," Angel apologized, pulling away. "I just wondered, if, maybe ..."  
  
"I think I know what you're trying to ask," Buffy said when he didn't finish his thought. "And I'll make it easier on you by saying I think I'd sleep better if you held me." She could almost feel his smile, and then he moved closer, spooning up against her and wrapping an arm around her waist. She sighed contentedly and was soon asleep.  
***********  



	38. 38

***********  
Part 38  
  
Angel didn't sleep incredibly soundly but it was worth it just to hold her. Even though it was also unbelievable torture, but he wouldn't have traded that feeling for the world. Because at least they were together. And that meant everything to him, after he'd spent so many miserable nights the previous twenty years without her in his arms. There were times he had dreamt about her but that would only make it worse because he always woke up alone again.   
  
It had never occurred to him to even try to find another love because he knew that love wouldn't exist. Even though he'd told Buffy to move on and was grateful she had. He wouldn't have wanted her to spend the last twenty years as alone as he had been.  
  
So now that all that was behind them, any discomfort at being this close to her was bearable. Even though it included having to resist the urge to touch her beautiful breasts or her firm stomach or... *STOP THAT!* He told himself. *Go to sleep.* He wished he could, but sleep eluded him. He mused about the fact that she was able to sleep much better than he was in this situation. *That's good, though. It means she trusts me and that's a really important part of our relationship.*   
  
Buffy shifted slightly, rubbing against him and he bit his lip as he tried to will his body NOT to react. It didn't obey him. He stifled a moan and moved a little further away from her so she wouldn't wake up and feel his obvious arousal pressing against her through his boxer shorts.   
  
He opened his eyes and realized he'd slept a little more. It was dark outside, he could tell through the cracks in the window covers. But that didn't mean anything, since they were going east. It felt like it was still night, but he didn't know which time zone they were in. He checked his watch to see what time it was. It was one a.m. sunnydale time, Saturday morning.  
  
He knew it was a ten hour flight total but he couldn't remember what time it would be when they would arrive. The flight attendant had been told to knock when they were within an hour of landing. Until he heard that knock, he'd just relax and enjoy holding the woman he loved.   
  
The sound of knocking startled him awake yet again. "Sir? We're landing soon," he heard through the curtain.  
  
"Thank you," he replied. He checked his watch again. It was two a.m. Sunnydale time. He should have been exhausted by lack of sleep but he was too excited to be tired. He hoped that Buffy had gotten enough sleep, though.   
  
"Buffy?" he said, running a hand through her hair. "Wake up, Sweetheart."  
  
"Why?" she whimpered.   
  
He held back a chuckle. "I know it's early by your time-clock - two a.m. if you're wondering - but we're almost to Paris, Baby," he replied. "You can sleep more when we get to the hotel."  
  
Her eyes snapped open. "Paris? You did NOT say Paris, did you? Because I thought that's what I heard you say. Did I dream that?"  
  
He couldn't help laughing at her completely adorable not-quite-awake reaction to his revelation. "I said Paris," he nodded. Before he knew it, she was kissing him, making *him* whimper.   
  
"Oh, Angel!" she said when she pulled away for breath. "Paris? You are just too wonderful! You actually flew me to Paris?!" She smiled at him before kissing him again. "I forgive you for waking me up so early, because Paris is definitely worth it!"  
  
He chuckled as he cradled her face in his and kissed her gently. "I'm glad you like our destination. Now, if I remember correctly, it's about eleven p.m. Saturday evening, here. It'll be midnite when we land. So we'll have all of this week to spend in Paris. We'll leave next week, Monday morning, since we'll be gaining a day on our way back."  
  
"I can't believe you'd do this for me... for us," she said, completely at a loss for what else to say.   
  
"I love you," he said seriously. "When we decided to take the week of Valentine's Day off of work and spend it together, I started thinking about how to make it really special. And I couldn't think of a better place than Paris to do it." He kissed her gently and added, "Now, as much as I would love to just stay here and hold you in my arms, we need to get dressed and ready for landing in about an hour."  
  
She nodded. "Okay," she said as she rolled away and got out of bed.   
  
He watched as she left and then got out of bed himself. He pulled on his blue jeans and a white button-down longsleeved shirt. He ran a hand through his hair and then waited for the bathroom to be free. She walked out eventually in khaki pants and a green blouse. She'd pulled her hair back in a pony tail.   
  
"Is it really weird of me to say I'm going back to bed when we get there?" she asked with a yawn.  
  
"No," he assured her. "Considering the rest of the population will be asleep for at least the next six hours it's not a problem."  
  
"Good, I didn't want to sound ungrateful or anything," she said.   
  
"You don't," he assured her and kissed her before he went on to the bathroom.   
  
Buffy went into the main cabin and sat on the couch, smiling as she thought about how romantic this all was. She and Angel were in Paris! For ...eight whole days. "God I love this man," she said out loud.  
  
He walked out and sat next to her a few minutes later. She laid her head on his shoulder and he pulled her close. "How'd you sleep?" he asked.  
  
"Good, really good," she answered, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It just felt so... natural being in your arms," she added.  
  
"I'm glad to hear it," Angel replied with a smile. "Because it felt very right holding you."  
  
An hour later, Buffy woke as the plane started to make the descent. Once they had landed, Buffy and Angel were soon walking through the airport toward the parking lot. They got a taxi and she looked out the window excitedly at the few sights she could see in the dark.   
  
"It's more impressive by daylight, I promise," Angel said.   
  
"Oh, I'm sure it is," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry if I'm seeming childish but I've never been out of the country before. Not even out of Sunnydale."  
  
"I know," Angel replied "And you're not being childish, I'm glad you're happy with this surprise. And in case you're wondering, I cleared this trip with Giles a week ago," he said. "So don't worry about anything this week, Buffy, they're well-prepared to deal with your absence on the Hellmouth. Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley are even willing to go help out if needed."  
  
"You thought of absolutely everything," Buffy smiled. "I don't know how to ever thank you."  
  
"Just relax and enjoy yourself," he replied. "That's all I want."  
  
They arrived at the hotel and the porters carried their bags in. "Jones," Angel told the front desk, shrugging at Buffy as if to say, 'Got a better last name for me?'  
  
Buffy giggled and shook her head. She didn't think about it often, but it was true Angel didn't really have a last name. Jones was what Cordelia had decided on years ago for his fake i.d. when Angel hadn't declared a preference. Buffy didn't care what his last name was, though, he was her Angel and that was all she cared about.  
  
They took the elevator up to the fourteenth floor and Angel handed her a key when they were halfway down the hall. "I got us adjoining rooms," he explained. "704 for you," he pointed to one door, "and 705 for me," he pointed to the next door.   
  
Buffy opened her door. There was a bathroom to her left and then a little dining area with two chairs and a table. Further in was the huge queen-sized bed. There was a door on the left wall, which she assumed led to Angel's room. He unlocked the door and went through to his own as she walked out to the balcony to admire what little she could see of the view.  
  
*God, this is so beautiful,* she thought with a smile. *And of course he didn't want me to feel pressured so he got two rooms. That is so sweet and typical of him.*  
  
Angel directed the porters where to put all the bags and then returned to Buffy's room. She was just returning from the balcony. "You like it?" he asked.  
  
"How can you even ask me something like that?" she wondered. "Angel, you really went so far beyond anything that I ever would have expected. I like it. I love it. I'm so happy, I don't think I can put it into words."  
  
"I just want you happy," Angel said and walked over to her. He pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Always."   
  
"When I said you were spoiling me, I had no idea," she joked. They both laughed and she added, "But you wouldn't have to do *any* of this to make me happy, Angel. I'm happy just being with you."  
  
"I feel the same way," Angel replied. "And I know I don't *have* to do these things, but I want to. I like doing surprising things to see that completely overwhelmed look on your face. In those moments, I feel like you get just a glimpse of how much I love you."  
  
"I think I do," Buffy said, with a little smile.   
  
"So why don't you get a few more hours of sleep?" he suggested. He was reluctant to be away from her, even for a little while, but he knew she needed a little more sleep. "When you wake up, we'll have breakfast and I'll tell you my plans for our Valentine's Day together."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea," Buffy agreed. She didn't really like the idea of sleeping alone but she knew it was selfish to expect him to hold her again. She doubted he'd gotten a lot of sleep earlier that night. "Good night, Angel," she said.  
  
Angel leaned down for a lingering kiss. "Good night, My Love," he said finally. He went back to his room  
  
Buffy sighed and got undressed again, slipping on a nightshirt out of her suitcase. Then she crawled into bed. Even though she missed Angel's strong, comforting arms, she was soon asleep again.   
  
**************  



End file.
